Katy Perry – ‘Teenage Dream’
When Katy Perry opens her mouth…gold comes out. “Teenage Dream” peaked at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, Pop Songs, Adult Pop Songs and Hot Dance Club Songs. See, I don’t lie.
Besides being an unforgettable affair, having Katy at my wedding would give me the right to say, “Remember when Katy Perry entertained at my wedding?” I would make it a point to utter that statement every single day.
I chose “Teenage Dream” because it gives us single ladies hope that you can love a dude forever. I mean look at Brad and Jennifer…everyone thought that was forever…thanks for putting us through hell, Angelina.
This jam also really shed light on the skintight jeans and how I need to get my ass on the treadmill and into a pair of these pants.
Favise lyrics: “Now every February/You’ll be my Valentine, Valentine.”
Watch the music video…if I ever saw the man that stars alongside Katy walking on the street, I’d probably walk into a parking meter or into traffic.
Jessica Simpson – ‘I Wanna Love You Forever’
This. Jam. Will. Never. Get. Old. Released in 1999, this is Simpson’s most successful single to date…and it’s clear why.
The music video was obviously filmed back in the day when Jessica had the wholesome gal with a preacher dad image.
Video premise: Jessica is singing her face off at a photo shoot wearing a jean jacket and there are some sunflowers thrown in there too.
Simpson makes a total 360 from jean jacket to a leather belly shirt ensemble in “Irresistible.” Wouldn’t mind Jessica screaming this song either…just throwing it out there.
Jessica sings this jam with such fierceness, it’s like she’s singing to Jesus. Personally, I have tried to get on Jessica’s level. I am known for popping in my Jessica Simpson mix cd while in traffic and screaming the lyrics to neighboring vehicles. Let’s just say, I’m not winning a Grammy anytime soon.
Favise lyrics: “I wanna love you forever/And this is all I’m asking of you/10,000 lifetimes together/Is that so much for you to do?”
I can only wish/pray/get a lucky fortune cookie that I will enjoy 10,000 lifetimes with my husband. God help me.
Like 86.9% of people on this planet, I tuned my television to E! and watched the Mr. & Mrs. Kim Kardashian wedding special…without blinking of course. I loved all 7 hours or however long it was.
Seeing Robin Thicke belt out Kris & Kim’s first dance song got me thinking about the entertainers I would like to perform at my wedding…one day…far, far away…
Usher & Alicia Keys – ‘My Boo’
I’ll admit it; I started using the word “boo” when I heard this jam back in 2004. That is after I figured out what the word “boo” actually meant. For those that don’t know, “boo” can mean the following:
- Boyfriend or girlfriend
- Pet name: your hunny, sweety, baby
- An affectionate name for someone you love
A big thanks to UrbanDictionary.com, without this website I would have never reached this level of hood.
Usher describes “My Boo” as a “talk about how they used to be in love and how those feelings are still lingering despite the two not being involved anymore.”
Favise lyrics: “I don’t know bout you all/But I know about us and uh/It’s the only way/We know how to rock.”
Why I would want these entertainers at my wedding? So my single girlfriends could get with Usher! Oh yea and I could really get my groove on to this jam.
Stay tuned, I have two more wedding jams I’m adding throughout the day!
Rumors have been swirling that the “I Wanna Love You Forever” singer has a baby on board. Now, there is photographic evidence to go along with these rumors.
This past Monday, Simpson was spotted in Cabo San Lucas wearing a blue leopard top (there are blue leopards roaming this planet?!) that really didn’t do much to hide her baby bump…or whatever she’s got going on down there.
Jessica is 31-years-old…it’s about that time in a lady’s life that the ticking of her biological clock is getting louder and louder.
I don’t blame her for denying/trying to keep this a secret…her father is/was a minister after all! They usually frown upon getting knocked up before the marriage license is signed.
“In Touch Weekly” has claimed that Jessica is “already having kooky cravings!” a friend shares, especially nacho chips dipped in chocolate — “which satisfy her urge for salty and sweet” — cheese-flavored popcorn and non-alcoholic margaritas.” Damn girl.
I’m going to try and do some mental math here…if Jessica is pregnant now, I’m pretty sure she will be extremely pregnant during the month of November. That’s when Jessica is reportedly getting hitched again…to her fiancé aka Eric Johnson. I guess he was just too irresistible…get it?
Jessica – I’m glad your getting hitched while pregs…Nick Lachey couldn’t do that even if he tried. I award you a point.
Kat & Jesse sitting in a tree…again
Welp that didn’t last long. About a month ago, it was announced that Kat Von D and Jesse James (cough…life ruiner…cough) have called off their engagement. Well yesterday was quite a day for our tattooed beauty queen. First, news broke that TLC decided to cancel D’s show “L.A. Ink.”
In an interesting turn of events, apparently Kat Von D announced that she decided not to film “L.A. Ink” anymore before TLC decided to ax the show. According to “US Weekly,” ‘I love how me deciding not to continue doing LA Ink turns into [the show] being ‘cancelled,’ she tweeted “Thanks, TLC. Regardless of everything, I remain grateful.”
While this announcement put Von D back in the news, she also dragged ex Jesse James back into the limelight when the couple announced that the engagement is back on! Since it was allegedly the long-distance relationship that was a cause of the split, guess that’s not an issue anymore! (coinkydink?)
“Sometimes you are only given one chance in life,” Jesse told People. “It was up to me to open my eyes and see it. That girl is my chance. I will never stop fighting and striving to hold on to her. Showing her how special she is, and how much I love her.” Isn’t that sweet.
Mr. & Mrs. Kim Kardashian
If you haven’t heard because you have been living under a rock, taken up coal mining or your iPad is in the shop; Kim Kardashian is getting hitched tomorrow! It’s a pretty huge deal… we all know how long she’s been waiting for this precious day to arrive. I think Jesus really must be a fan of “Keeping up with the Kardashians” because he’s giving Kim a husband whose name is Kris with a K! He should have no trouble fitting in with the fam.
As expected, the wedding festivities have already begun. Last night the beautiful couple and 75 of their closest friends and family attended a rehearsal dinner at Scarpetta in Beverly Hills. The entire K-dash clan was in attendance, even Rob <3 wearing very expensive red sweat pants (Gasp!). Overall, Kim had a good evening. She let all of us know how great her night was via Twitter: “What a fun night w family & friends! Now I’m sleeping in late tomorrow!”
While there is extreme security measures lined up for tomorrow, that hasn’t stopped the media from heading over to the mansion where the nuptials will take place. I might even pack my mini camera and head over myself…call me if you’re in attendance. If I don’t creep my way past security, I’m sure Ryan Seacrest will compile 24-hours worth of footage. I see a E! special titled, “Finally…Kim is married.” Good luck to the happy couple, see you on the honeymoon.
Mile High Club reject
Okay, I completely understand when you have to pee and your choices are limited. Typically people pee in back alleys or the woods, but Gérard Depardieu really set the bar up high for those that like to pee in public. He tried to get away with peeing on a plane and not in the B-room. Just to recap: according to E! Online, “Depardieu relieved himself on the carpet after his flight was delayed on Wednesday and the flight crew denied him entry to one of the restrooms.” Grossy.
While Gérard hasn’t made a public statement yet, his friend is doing the dirty work. Edouard Baer, who was on the plane as well offered up an explanation. From a statement translated by BBC, Bear stated “Gerard was upset at this and offered to clean up the mess, He has prostate problems and it was very worrying and humiliating for him. He was also stone-cold sober at the time. This is not the way he usually behaves.”
Alright, I have a few things to say. Traveling is stressful enough; I don’t need someone next to me peeing! This would have caused me to experience the most epic rage blackout in the history of rage blackouts. There is also a apparatus called a catheter. You can Google it.
I also think that he will forever be banned from reaping the benefits of the Mile High Club (I would be so mad if I was him). I hear such benefits of being a card-carrying member include spending time in a nice lounge that is located at the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton International Airport.
That is all.
With the upcoming Kardashian-Humphries nuptials on the horizon, it got me thinking about all the celebrity wedding invitations that were apparently lost in the mail. Here is my list of invitations that I wish the postal service didn’t lose (because I’m 100% sure I was invited).
Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom
September 27th has become a national holiday in my home. It is the day that my favises Kardashian sister got hitched (whoop, whoop) after only a month of dating! Dreams do come true. The world thought that Kim was going to be the first to get married and we all know how badly she wanted some man, any man to put a ring on it.
While it wasn’t looking good for Kim, the spotlight fell on older sis Kourtney. From what we have seen on “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” I sure hope Kourtney doesn’t tie that knot. I will even go as far as hoofing it to the nearest church and lighting a candle for her. So the point goes to Khloe! Since E! documents every sneeze that the K-Dash sisters emit, we had to expect a Khloe & Lamar wedding special…a 2-hour special as a matter of fact.
Why I’m angry my invite was lost in the mail:
- All of the Kardashians were in the same area – including Rob. <3
- A bunch of other celebs were in attendance, including Chelsea Handler, Kobe Bryant and Kelly Osbourne. I could have done some serious networking.
- There was a Hollywood nightclub-theme reception that Babyface sang at!
Mr. & Mrs. Hova
April 4, 2008 – the union to end all unions occurred. After 6 years of being bf & gf, Jay-Z liked it and finally put a ring on it! With about 40 guests in attendance, this was one event that I wish I knew about. I only needed a two hour notice, the ceremony was a stones throw away in New York!
I should have seen the clues. The day of the wedding there was a tent erected on the roof of Jay-Z’s penthouse, around 60,000 orchid blooms were delivered and DJ Cassidy even spilled some of the beans. According to People.com, “Cassidy mentioned a week ago that he was really excited for Jay Z and Beyoncé’s wedding party to happen, said another source.” Dammit.
Why I’m angry my invite was lost in the mail:
- All three Destiny’s Child members were in attendance. I bet they sang “Independent Women Part I.” Side note, I’m still waiting for my acceptance letter to Charlie’s Angels Boot Camp.
- I could have made the Hova symbol all evening without being judged or kicked out.
- It’s always a wonderful site when Jay-Z straps on a tux.
Britney Spears & Jason Alexander
Let’s be real, I had to include it! While I felt that many believed that this was the start of her downward spiral, I will have to disagree. I am convinced the spiral began when B. Spears and he who shall not be named broke up (hint…lead singer of boy band ‘N Sync). But that is neither here, nor there.
Anywho, January 3, 2004 the Little White Wedding Chapel on the Vegas Strip received a gift from above. Britney Spears and childhood friend, Jason Alexander busted in and got hitched. Don’t worry, the newlyweds scooped up a marriage license at the Clark County Marriage Bureau for $55.
Dear Jamie Spears, since you weren’t available to walk Brit down the aisle, a hotel bellman hopped in your place. No big deal. Britney’s wedding attire included a classy baseball hat, belly shirt and jeans. After the ceremony, a night full of sin ensued. Sadly, 55 hours later the marriage was annulled…boo.
Why I’m angry my invite was lost in the mail:
- Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to have witnessed this?
- The wedding cost a grand total of $200, which included photos, a bouquet and video. That’s a steal compared the what K-Fed cost her.
- The marriage took place at 5:30 a.m. That’s the best part of a night on the town!
Britney – I would have given my left arm to have been present at this wedding. Next time, call me girl. I know you have my digits, I’ve sent them to you a handful of times.