As you know, Tuesdays are typically meant to be topless…at least in my habitat. But this particular Tuesday is different. Why you ask? It’s the most dreaded time of year…Valentine’s Day. Dum, dum, dum.
I usually celebrate this holiday by playing bitter songs and heckling couples out my window. That hasn’t gone so well in the past, so I have decided to pour my bitterness onto my blog!
I thought the best way to effectively convey my bitterness was through song. Below are my personal favorite breakup/non demeaning to women songs that are perfect for all those lovers out there.
5. ‘Stronger’ – Britney Spears
Back in the day, Britney seemed more positive about love, but things change. After experiencing the most crushing breakup in the history of breakups and two marriages, Britney has been a card-carrying member of the bitter club since 2006. Out of the many songs my spiritual goddess has recorded, “Stronger” seems like the best jam to put on the Bitter Club soundtrack.
What I have learned from this jam: When you finally break up with that loser, you become stronger than yesterday and can bust out a sweet chair dance.
4. ‘Breakin’ Dishes’ – Rihanna
This song is epic for several reasons: I can get my dance on, I now know if my man is out until 3:30 a.m. I am legally allowed to break his dishes and burn his clothing and I don’t have to stop until I see police lights.
Rihanna – Thank you for this instruction manual.
3. ‘Never Again’ – Kelly Clarkson
What is a bitter countdown without the president of the bitter club…Miss Kelly Clarkson. I think one line in this song can sum it up better than I ever could: “I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green.” O0o0o burn.
What I have learned from Kelly over the years is that bitterness is like a baby, it grows with age.
2. ‘Bye Bye Bye’ – N’Sync
Since it’s only fair I give my male fans a jam to jam out to, I have chosen an oldie but a goodie. Yes, I’m bringing it all the way back to when Justin Timberlake had the fro…his best days <3
Hopefully, Justin will take his own advice and say bye, bye, bye to Jessica Biel…oops, can’t say that.
1. ‘Independent Women’ – Destiny’s Child
This song provides us ladies a very important lesson. If you can’t figure it out after watching the video…I’m afraid all hope is lost for you.
Happy Valentine’s Day…Take that Cupid.
In continuing with the movie theme, I have found an upcoming film that will either leave me feeling one of two ways:
- My super sweet soul mate is out there waiting for me to find him (just like Where’s Waldo)
- I will leave hating all men
As you may have guessed, this one is for the ladiesssss!
‘The Vow‘ – February 14, 2012
“The Vow” stars possibly the two best actors in romantic drama history: Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum.
According to IMDb, “A car accident puts Paige (McAdams) in a coma, and when she wakes up with severe memory loss, her husband Leo (Tatum) works to win her heart again.”
Huge, right?! First of all, it’s hard enough to find a significant other in this battlefield also known as love. Jordin Sparks said it best: “Why does love always feel like/a battlefield/a battlefield/a battlefield?”
I couldn’t even imagine the rage blackout I would be in if my husband forgot who I was! I mean trying to get a man to wife up is hard enough the first time, but having to do it a second time…I don’t have the words.
What’s interesting about this movie is that it’s based on a true story. Newlyweds, Kim and Krickitt Carpenter were on a road trip to visit Kim’s parents in Phoenix, Arizona. When they got into a severe car accident, it left Krickitt with retrograde amnesia. The accident erased “virtually her entire memory of the previous 18 months—including any recollection of the man she had fallen in love with and married,” reported People.
“When the nurse asked, ‘Who’s your husband?’ she replied, ‘I’m not married.”
Since I’ve effectively ruined your emotional state with this sad story, I do have some happy news! It took quite a lot of time but Krickitt and Kim began dating and in 1996 got married again! I am not sure if Channing and Rachel’s characters achieve the same fate, we all saw “Dear John,” right? Still recovering from that blow.
Piece of advice: don’t cry on your keyboard. I’m still having trouble using the “G” on mine.