I know, I know…its been quite some time since I’ve written an open letter to a celebrity. My rage blackouts have been less frequent. That could be from the anger management classes or because of some sweet advice from my roommate. She told me petting a cat lessens your stress level…I’ve started to carry the cat around in one of those backpacks for babies.
Dear Taylor Swift,
I know that by writing this open letter to “The Country Girl Next Door” I am going to get boatloads of mail telling me I’m going to hell or something of that sort. I’ll save you the stamp…I’ve already booked that ticket south.
What spurred this letter was a post on PerezHilton.com that I saw yesterday. The post was titled, “Taylor Swift and Zac Efron Went On A Flirty Dinner Date Together!! OMG!!”
Why would Perez or anyone for that matter be excited about this?! Taylor Swift is what Nelly Furtado and I like to call a “Maneater.” For those that don’t know (*cough* Taylor *cough*) a maneater is “an irresistible woman who chews and spits out men after using them for some sort of gain — be it sexual, financial or psychological.” Since Swift is making bank…I’m going to go with the sexual or psychological option for $500, Alex.
Let’s make a list of the men Swifty has plowed through:
1. Joe Jonas – Taylor probably burned that purity ring right off his finger.
2. Taylor Lautner – Taylor dating Taylor…Paris Hilton was probably thinking, “Been there, done that…did not loves it”
3. Jake Gyllenhaal – I have no words…only letters…W.T.F.
4. John Mayer – So after Jen Aniston AND Jessica Simpson you thought this was a good idea? Ugh, really?
5. Chord Overstreet – Maybe you thought you would try a blonde instead of all those brunettes. You better add a ginger to the mix…it’s called social justice.
And last, but certainly not least…it’s rumored that Taylor went on a date with Zac Efron. This is where I must draw the line. Efron and his abs are national treasures. Do not man eat him Taylor! He is precious like a rare gem!
In the spirit of being fair…if Taylor is dating all these men solely for inspiration to write music, I could get onboard the Swift train. I am a Kelly Clarkson fan after all. In all honesty, how pissed do you think John Mayer was when he heard “Dear John?”
In that jam, Taylor sings: “Dear John, I see it all now that you’re gone /Don’t you think I was too young /To be messed with/The girl in the dress /Cried the whole way home, I should’ve known”
Yes, you should have known…everyone woman in the world knows!
Taylor – What is your secret…do you have a golden who-ha or something of the sort? One piece of advice…leave Efron alone!
As a society, we are rarely shocked these days. We have become immune to seeing celebrities flip out at the paparazzi, party till the wee hours of the morning and even some stars accidently showing their ‘Britney’ while getting out of a car. But there are some stories that really get us talking.
Below is a list of a few of those stories that put the shock back in shocking.
Kanye West vs. Taylor Swift
This shocking moment occurred on an evening that was supposed to be full of happiness for Miss Swift. Last year at the MTV Video Music Awards, Swift won for Female Video of the Year.
As she was accepting her award, Kanye West jumped up on stage and announced “Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.” Seemingly ruining Taylor’s night, Beyoncé saved the day by letting Taylor come up on stage and finish her acceptance speech.
Tiger Woods hitting multiple “holes in one”
It seemed to be a match made in heaven. In 2004, Tiger Woods married former Swedish model and nanny, Elin Nordegren. They had two beautiful children and a life that others dreamed of having.
Late one Thanksgiving evening, Woods was found lying on the ground next to his Escalade with injuries to his face. Why? According to “Us Weekly,” his wife found out that he was cheating on her with not one, but up to 13 women. Elin, he totally deserved to be beaten with that golf club…you go girl!
Larry, you are the father
Larry Birkhead was the former boyfriend of Anna Nicole Smith. When Smith unexpectedly passed away in 2007, the main question that arose was who would get custody of Dannielynn, Smith’s young daughter. There were many contenders: Howard Stern (Smith’s lawyer and longtime partner) Larry Birkhead (Smith’s ex-boyfriend) Howard Marshall (Smith’s ex-husband) and Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt (Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband who had an affair with Smith) among many others.
After a long court battle, Birkhead was proven to be Dannielynn’s real father. His name is now listed on Dannielynn’s birth certificate.
Britney and Justin: The Breakup
Even though this couple has been separated since 2002, I am still impacted by this breakup. Britney and Justin were the couple next door. They met on the “Mickey Mouse Club” and both stepped into the role of pop stars. Dating for two and a half years, the couple broke up because Spears allegedly cheated on Timberlake with her chorographer, Wade Robinson.
As a result of the breakup, Timberlake decided to spill the beans and tell the world that he slept with Spears before marriage. Remember, Spears wanted to wait until she was hitched? Timberlake also went on to write the song, “Cry me a River,” which had a guest appearance of a woman who was a striking resemblance to Spears in the music video. This breakup also produced Spears’ single “Everytime,” in which she attempts to apologize to Timberlake. Even though these two have gone their separate ways, I still dream of the day when they will reunite.