Kari is finally ready to speak on this matter. I thought talking in the 3rd person would give my statement more clout…
Anywho…since the glorious news of Katie and Tom’s divorce (#TeamKatie) broke last Friday, I knew without a doubt that Scientology played a substantial role. Let’s be real…any organization that has an aspect called auditing is bad news…and that includes the IRS.
As you can probably guess, I’ve been reading every article I set my pretty eyes on that contains the following words: Tom, Katie, Suri and even Tom’s other children that no one would recognize passing on the street. What I’ve been noticing is that many news outlets (okay, really just E! News) are speculating that Scientology played a role in the divorce. All I have to say is this…ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Of course Scientology played a role! Katie is such a good woman that she even tried to get into it. Remember that time Tom pulled Katie Holmes out in front of basically the whole world right after he jumped on Oprah’s couch? My beautiful flower had all these awkward growths on her face from some Scientology junk they made her drink. WTF Tom!?
Another obvious reason as to why I believe (and everyone else believes that Scientology played a role) is Suri. Little Suri needs to be educated and Tom wants to ship her off to the New Village Leadership Academy in Calabasas where their teaching revolves around “technology.” Since I imagine Suri growing up to be a fierce business woman or a fashionista, studying technology isn’t going to benefit her….it will just derail her potential.
Since Katie and myself were educated by the nuns while attending Catholic school…I believe that Suri should experience the same. While I have my issues with the Catholic school system, I believe I am a better woman for dodging the ruler beatings, learning to say the rosary at record speed, working on my arm muscles by carrying that bible EVERYWHERE, etc. I believe it does instill some valuable life skills which Suri can thrive from.
Finally, Scientology played a major in even locating Katie Holmes. There was an amazing article written by Andrew Morton in the “New York Post” titled, “How Katie was Cast to Play Tom Cruise’s Wife.” The article basically outlines Tom’s and the Church of Scientology’s quest to find him a suitable wife. Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner and Sofia Vergara were all targets to be his next wife. I highly suggest you read the article and see all of Tom’s creepy ways. My favorite line that Morton penned: “Wives may come and go. Scientology is forever.”
My closing remarks are as follows:
1. Team Katie
2. TTYN Tom
3. If Tom gets custody of Suri…our world as we know it is doomed. See the popular film “Independence Day” for clues on how to survive.
In the end…
Katie – I’m here for you boo. There is a room waiting for you in Scranton, PA. My mom will keep you and Suri safe…Carol isn’t afraid to deck a bitch!
P.S. So excited to see what young, hot man you start dating next! The options are endless!
Ladies and gentlemen…it’s time to strap on your fanciest pair of heels…it’s Suri’s birthday.
The fashion-forward offspring of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise has turned six-years-old today! I can’t believe it’s been six years…goodness I’m getting old.
Every year that goes by Suri is (thankfully) looking more and more like my second-in-command spiritual goddess – Katie Holmes.
Suri – I’ve been patiently waiting for my invite to your birthday party…I’m actually typing this blog post next to the mailbox right now. Did my invite get lost in the mail again?
The E! network is running ads for a “Seasons-So-Far” marathon. It’s purpose…to catch me up with the Kardashians…obvi. Because E! never, ever airs repeats of “Kourtney & Kim Take New York,” I’m grateful to the executives at E! for giving me this Xmas miracle.
As you all know, I am destined to work for E!, so why not start giving them a few of my reality show suggestions now. Here is my second pick for Celebrities I Wish had a Reality Show.
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise (TomKat)
A show of hands please…who wouldn’t want to catch a glimpse into the world of TomKat? My suspicions were correct…everyone wants to know what goes inside the castle of Tom and Katie.
In their home, I imagine a lot of weird strobe lights and L. Ron Hubbard reading the book of Dianetics to Suri…because Tom resurrected him from the dead…duh.
- No one has forgotten.
- I love Katie Holmes too, but I’m not jumping on couches during the Oprah show. I do it in the privacy of my own home!
Now, we have all heard the rumors that Katie isn’t eating because she’s depressed, Tom is an out-of-control Scientologist who forced Katie into the cult, Tom is gay, etc. etc. It’s a very long list of rumors (or truths) and the only way to find out what’s real is by bringing in a camera crew!
I envision the reality show being called “TomKat: Welcome to the Jungle” and it would have to air on E! so there could be a crossover episode with the Kardashians. Mason and Suri could have a playdate while Khloe beats the daylights out of Tom and Rob takes Katie out and shows her a good time.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t think the TomKat union was going to last this long. I was onboard the U.S.S TomKat because it was supposed to give Katie the boost she needed to gain Oscar glory. Since that has not happened, I am over and done with the relationship…but I would watch the reality show and I would become a Scientologist if they gave me one of those rubbery bracelet thingys.
Katie – Happy belated birthday! I have loved you pre-Tom and I will love you post-Tom. Get it girl.
If you forgot to check your Katie Holmes Google Alert yesterday, let me fill you in on what’s going on in the world of Joey Potter. This classy young lady has nabbed the role of a lifetime! No, I’m not talking about Jackie O…I’m talking about a slutty pumpkin.
If you are a fan of “How I Met Your Mother,” you will know that this character has been six years in the making. If you’re like me and catch a rerun every so often, I’ll let Perez Hilton fill you in. “Way back in the first season, Ted met up with a lady dressed as the girl with conveniently carved holes at a Halloween party. Every year since, he’s waited at the same party, dressed as the same silly thing, hoping the Slutty Pumpkin will resurface into his life.”
Craig Thomas, the creator of the show, made the right decision. Katie is beautiful, talented and has a great sense of humor (Katie – answer my fan mail). Recently, she has been playing serious/scary roles…Remember, she played Jackie O and she was in “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.” Welp, after I saw that movie…I sleep with a can of pepper spray and a baseball bat to keep the monsters away.
I think playing the role of a slutty pumpkin is just what Katie needs. This role will benefit her in the following ways:
- It will get her out of the house (away from Tom)
- Mingle with people her age…get it in
- Show her range as an actress
Because of this great casting choice, I will make it a point to start watching “How I Met Your Mother.” This show really knows how to pick guest stars…first Britney, now Katie. This is my holy bible of TV shows!
Katie – I want to thank you in advance for inspiring my Halloween costume this year!
Nowadays, the celebrities aren’t the only ones in the spotlight…their babies are! They haven’t been in any movies, on television shows, or in magazines. Celebrity babies have become famous because their parents are stars, but being cute doesn’t hurt either.
We are so invested in celebrity babies that we know them by their first names, we buy the magazines right after they are born, and we want to know where they shop. For example, there is a website dedicated to Suri Cruise’s clothing choices: http://suricruiseclothes.blogspot.com/.
While all of the famous babies are special in their own way, some of the babies are destined to follow in their parent’s footsteps. Listed below are the future stars of Hollywood.
No Doubt’s lead singer, Gwen Stefani and the front man of Bush, Gavin Rossdale, gave birth to their first son, Kingston on May 26, 2006. We first found out about Kingston when his mom yelled out to the audience at a concert, “I want you to sing so loud that the baby hears it.” “Us Weekly” confirmed the story.
With these two rock stars as parents, how can Kingston not be destined to be the lead singer of a rockin’ rock band? Being spotted in fashionable suits with epic mohawk haircuts, he is being groomed to be the next Grammy award winning artist!
Adopted by Angelina Jolie on March 10, 2002, the world was introduced to Jolie’s first of six children. Obviously being in the presence of Angelina Jolie, some of that acting talent should be rubbing off. And with the addition of Brad Pitt to the family, Maddox already is an unstoppable force in Hollywood.
Along with an acting career waiting for him, I could see him becoming a humanitarian, just like his parents. Maddox has seen more of the world then some adults! Spending Halloween in Hungary, Christmas in Paris and weekends in Venice, Maddox is living every baby’s dream!
Born on April 18, 2006, Katie Holmes clone, also known as Suri, is the daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Suri was surrounded by controversy and the musings of tabloids before her birth. With rumors swirling of a Scientology “silent birth” and the questioning of her existence, Suri was born into the spotlight.
We finally met Suri on the cover of “Vanity Fair” on the October 2006 issue. Even today, Suri is constantly in the press for her fashion choices. I must say myself that she dresses better than I do. We can see Suri rocking the runway or designing clothes (just like her mom) at future Fashion Weeks to come!
Celebrity babies are fun, cute and offer us a happier side to the world of entertainment. We love to see what they are up to, where they are getting their cool baby toys and what funny things they will do next. Remember when Suri picked up the X-rated gummy bears? I can’t wait to see where you end up in the future.
Photos Courtesy annehelenpetersen.com, news.softpedia.com, and bittenandbound.com
Debuting on The WB network on January 20, 1998, “Dawson’s Creek” was a coming-of-age teen drama that followed the lives of four sophomores growing up in Capeside, Massachusetts.
At the time of its debut, the show portrayed many risky storylines that included a student-teacher relationship, a wife cheating with her coworker, teen sex, and gay teens. One unique thing about Dawson’s Creek was the character’s vocabulary. They used words in their dialogue that some adults don’t even utilize.
Lasting six glorious seasons, we followed these characters from high school, through college, and five years into the future. Being a huge fan, this show helped me understand my teen years, I felt that I was right alongside Joey Potter. With that being said, let’s see what Dawson, Joey, Pacey and Jen have been up to in recent years.
James Van Der Beek – Dawson Leery
After Dawson’s Creek ended in 2003, Van Der Beek is now married to his business consultant Kimberly Brook. The couple has a daughter named Olivia. As for his acting career, Van Der Beek was off the radar for some time. He made guest appearances on many television shows such as, “Ugly Betty,” “How I Met Your Mother” and “One Tree Hill.” Van Der Beek is now trying for a comeback. He has a number of short films on deck and appeared in Ke$ah’s “Blow” music video.
Katie Holmes – Joey Potter
If you don’t know what Katie Holmes has been up to, you must live under a rock. In 2005, Holmes started dating movie star Tom Cruise. Many thought the relationship was a publicity stunt, but they may be in it for the long hall. The couple married in 2006 and are now raising a five-year-old daughter, Suri. Holmes has been steadily working as an actress, most recently playing Jackie Kennedy in the controversial mini-series, “The Kennedy’s.” Despite what critics say, she was a spitting image of Jackie and did a fantastic job.
Joshua Jackson – Pacey Witter
Since wrapping “Dawson’s Creek, ”Jackson has starred in many lesser known, but great films such as, “One Week,” “Americano” and hosted “Pacey-Con 2010.” He hit television gold again with a staring roll on Fox’s “Fringe,” playing Peter Bishop. Jackson is currently dating actress Diana Kruger and lives in Vancouver where he films “Fringe.”
Michelle Williams – Jen Lindley
Williams has had quite the ride since Dawson’s said farewell. Since 2003, she has been nominated for Best Supporting Actress in “Brokeback Mountain” and Best Actress in “Blue Valentine.” Meeting on the set of “Brokeback Mountain,” Williams began dating Heath Ledger. The couple had a daughter, Matilda in 2005. On the horizon, Williams has snatched the role of a lifetime, playing Marilyn Monroe in “My Week with Marilyn.” Keep a look out for this movie!
Even though “Dawson’s Creek” hasn’t been on the air in eight years, it will forever live in our hearts. You can purchase the entire series in a box set. I recommend that you do, the show is timeless.