I’ve Been Waiting Five Long Years…

but it has finally happened!

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Photo Courtesy: fark.com

First of all…#TeamKatie

Don’t worry…I have a theory as to why TomKat’s marriage lasted as long as it did. While I’m gathering my thoughts and data and putting them into the idea machine, I wanted to leave you with this photo.

Stay tuned!

P.S. Matt Lauer…you’re next! 

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Happy 6th Bday Suri Cruise!

Photo Courtesy: articles.nydailynews.com

Ladies and gentlemen…it’s time to strap on your fanciest pair of heels…it’s Suri’s birthday.

The fashion-forward offspring of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise has turned six-years-old today! I can’t believe it’s been six years…goodness I’m getting old.

Every year that goes by Suri is (thankfully) looking more and more like my second-in-command spiritual goddess – Katie Holmes.

Suri – I’ve been patiently waiting for my invite to your birthday party…I’m actually typing this blog post next to the mailbox right now. Did my invite get lost in the mail again?


The Second Coming Has Arrived

Photo Courtesy: gossiponthis.com

Typically I am okay with the fact that some people aren’t as diligent as I am in terms of celebrity gossip/news. But if you were unaware that the most anticipated birth since (I’m going to say it) Suri Cruise happened this past Saturday…you should be ashamed of yourself!

The top story since late Saturday evening has been the arrival of Ivy Blue Carter or Blue Ivy Carter. From the massive amount of creeping I have done on the interweb, no one has confirmed the name 100%. E! News is on Team Blue Ivy while Perez Hilton is on Team Ivy Blue. Personally, my pick is Ivy Blue, but I’m excited either way.

Photo Courtesy: scrapetv.com

I have been waiting for this birth for quite sometime. I remember back in 2010, there was a legitimate rumor going around that Queen B was with child. That year I was working a full-time job…shocking, right? Hearing this news, I proceeded to pack up my desk and said the following to my wonderful boss:

Kari: “I have to go home early today.”

Boss: “Is everything okay?”

Kari: “Yes, Beyoncé is pregnant and I need to go to home to prepare.”

Needless to say, I was not allowed to leave the office early that day.

Flash-forward from 2010 to Aug. 28, 2011 at the MTV Music Awards…my dreams came true. Beyoncé officially revealed that she was pregnant during her performance of “Love on Top.” It was a beautiful thing.

Photo Courtesy: ciciworldnewspost.com

It’s being reported that Mr. and Mrs. Hova spent $1.3 million on renting out the entire baby floor at the Lenox Hill Hospital in New York so Queen B could deliver her baby in private. Let me tell you, my mom chartered the same amount of security for my birth…it comes with the territory.

Checking in under the name Ingrid Jackson, Beyoncé and Jay-Z required that tape being placed over hospital security cameras and all employees turn in their cell phones to ensure no pictures would be leaked.

Since the power couple is super private, I don’t see them releasing pictures or news about the birth anytime soon. Therefore, I will share with you the one thing I am praying happened during this magical moment…Ivy Blue (or Blue Ivy) came out with the HOVA sign up.

Congrats to Beyoncé and Jay-Z! P.S. I have never babysat a small baby before, but I have taken care to two cats at once. That makes me qualified I’m sure!

Side note: Perez has flip-flopped to Blue Ivy.


Celeb couples I’d want to adopt me…part III

For my final installation of celebrity couples that I’d want to be adopted by, I have chosen a couple that (I feel) many wouldn’t normally choose. I think a large majority would actually run in the opposite direction of this famed pair. Well, they wouldn’t be running from the lady of the house, they would be running from the man. I’ll give you a hint…”help me, help you.”

Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise

Photo Courtesy: judyhalone.com

If you are a regular visitor to this blog, you know that Katie Holmes is one of three people I would take a bullet for. If you are not a regular visitor…shame on you!

Let’s hop into the time machine I bought on eBay and go back to 2005. I remember coming home from catholic school and my mom (Carol <3) told me that she heard Katie Holmes was dating Tom Cruise! I recall my head spinning around.

I thought, “Hey, this will give Katie the boost she needs into the spotlight she deserves.” Little did I know she was going to marry and give birth to his spawn. Ugh.

There is no need to go into the reasons why I think Katie should drop his Scientology-crazed ass…remember when Tom was allegedly administering ultra sounds to a pregnant Katie? I wont even touch the placenta rumor.

Photo Courtesy: chicagoindiepress.com

Let’s get back on track here. The number two reason why I want to be brought into the Cruise/Holmes household would be to witness all the crazy shit that goes on. I would find out the answers to such queries as:

  • Does Katie only eat carrots?
  • Is Suri really Tom’s spawn?
  • Was Tom caught in a compromising position with Matchbox 20 lead singer, Rob Thomas all those years ago?
  • How tall is Tom?

I would also love to get inside those Scientology Centers and raise hell. I would never get in trouble because I would state, “My adopted dad is your fearless leader and personal bank. One plus about being adopted by these two, Suri would make it her personal mission to turn me into a fierce dresser.

If you are wondering what the number one reason is…duh – I want to meet and greet Katie Holmes! Katie – I have loved you pre-Tom and I will love you post-Tom. Get at me.

Red leather pants are officially back in style

In case you missed it, Katie Holmes was on Jay Leno last night. She was as classy as ever and she only mentioned Tom less than five times (Point!). Jay even had a movie montage of a few of Katie’s older movies. Yes, I’ve seen them all. Here is a clip of her interview with Jay:

Fun fact: Katie is afraid of and even barks at raccoons. How can you not love her?

Go see her new movie “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.” Suri needs a new pair of shoes!


You’re beautiful – it’s true

Photo Courtesy: allposters.com

In preparation for the Britney Spears concert, I went to the store to pick up some supplies. While in line, I saw the cover of this weeks “Life & Style Weekly,” which contained one of my idols on the cover…Katie Holmes. This week’s cover states “Desperate to be Skinny.”

According to “Life & Style Weekly,” Katie is only consuming “a little more than diet coke and tea.” The magazine is saying her weight is the only thing she can control in her life, since her crazy ass husband controls everything else. Oh and that she’s down to 106 pounds. The Gossip Center posted some pictures of Katie that were taken on July 26th and she looks as wonderful as ever!

Whether or not we should be concerned about Joey Potter’s weight loss is up to your desecration, but let’s get to the real issue at hand…Tom Cruise. Now when these two got together, I thought to myself “This is ok, it will boost Katie into the spotlight she deserves.” Well little did I know she would get impregnated, marry him and stay with him! Ugh.

If Tom is the reason why Katie is dropping this weight, I will have no problem shipping my self UPS overnight to their home and beating him up. Not that I would get within 20 feet of him, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

Katie- I have loved you pre-Tom and will love you post-Tom. Get it together girl!


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