While I’m still pouring through all of the fan mail and emails about your favise stripper jams (kidding), I have decided now is that time to conclude my Speaking of Strippers series.
The musical genre for this post is pop music…my specialty!
‘Can’t Be Tamed’ – Miley Cyrus
As we all know…Miss Cyrus is no stranger to pole dancing…so choosing a jam by this pop singer is a wise choice. The classy lady who chose Miley shall be called…Queen Bee and for those who don’t know, she can get a bit crazy…just like Miley!
In another life, I could see Miley being a very popular/entertaining exotic dancer. Her real name is Destiny Hope for goodness sakes!
Side note: I would take it as a compliment if someone said I would be a very popular/entertaining exotic dancer. I think it’s a skill you are born with.
As for Queen Bee’s performance…I see the dance starting out in a birdcage…just like the music video. When the chorus hits…the money will be flying out of the customer’s hands! Work it…like a glass of water.
Lyrics that exotic dancers would probably be proud of: “I go through guys like money flyin’ out the hands/They try to change me but they realize they can’t/And every tomorrow is a day I never plan/If you’re gonna be my man understand/I can’t be tamed”
Take a listen and remember…she’s just being Miley.
‘Umbrella’ – Rihanna
The final song one of my friends chose incase she decides to change to a more exotic career is “Umbrella.” This young lady picked the exotic dancer name…The Professor. Now that’s legit.
“Umbrella” is a very upbeat song that allows for one very special prop onstage…an umbrella…duh. I imagine The Professor’s routine including many umbrellas’ and handing them out…a nice parting gift for the customers.
I picture the “Umbrella” routine not only encompassing umbrellas, but also a shit ton of glitter. I have a feeling that if you add real water to the routine…the results might be less than favorable. I’m just trying to protect The Professor since I’m unsure if this career offers benefits.
Lyrics that exotic dancers would probably be proud of: Now that it’s raining more than ever/Know that we’ll still have each other/You can stand under my umbrella/You can stand under my umbrella
Watch and learn from Rihanna.
Well, that concludes my Speaking of Strippers series. If you are looking for additional information on this career path, I highly recommend “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star” by Jenna Jameson. It will change your life.
In keeping with the stripper theme, I took it upon myself to poll some friends. They have graciously shared some pretty hoppin songs they would exotically dance to.
I have gathered four responses and I am going to group them in terms of their musical genre. The first genre will be a stretch for me…industrial rock/alternative rock music.
‘Closer’ – Nine Inch Nail
Since I promised to change names in order to protect the innocent, this friend of mine requested to be called Ginger Snaps…aka her stripper name. Now who wouldn’t want to tip a lady with a name like that?
What peaked my interest about Ginger Snaps response was when I asked what song she would choose…she immediately blurted out “Closer.” Looks like someone has thought about this before…tsk-tsk.
For those of you who have never heard “Closer” before, I’m warning you…the lyrics are toeing the R-rated line…I had to prove to YouTube that I was over 18 to watch the music video.
This jam has an excellent beat to shake your bon bon (and other areas) to, but the lyrics may give some people the wrong idea. Hey – whatever you’re into right?
Lyrics that exotic dancers would probably be proud of: “You get me closer to God.” It’s probably because they can climb a pole with all four limbs.
‘Uprising’ – Muse
Next up on the track list is a sweet jam by alternative rock band Muse. The lovely lady who chose this song actually called me to sing the lyrics…and what a beautiful voice she has.
This friend of mine requested to be called Coco…and not because of the reality show “Ice Loves Coco.”
Anywho, this Muse jam seems like an unlikely song to get your exotic dance on to…but Coco witnessed this jam in action at an actual strip club. She said it works and I believe her.
I think the occasional guitar riff throughout helps boosts this song’s stripper cred. If you take a listen and close your eyes…you can map out your dance moves from home.
Another aspect of this jam that cements it into the mix tapes of strippers everywhere, is that fact that this is a “let’s rage against the machine” kinda song. If that doesn’t make you want to dance on or by a pole, I don’t know what will.
Lyrics that exotic dancers would probably be proud of: “They will not force us/They will stop degrading us/They will not control us/We will be victorious”
Backstreet Boys…no longer incomplete
Back in 2006, my favise Backstreet Boy…Kevin Richardson decided to leave the boy band and I was crushed. The singer decided it was time to depart and “move on with the next chapter of [his] life.” There was no other reason for me to follow BSB if I couldn’t catch a glimpse of Kevin’s eyebrows.
To be honest, I think the real reason why Kevin left was because he was sick of playing second banana to Nick and Brian. Let’s be real…Kevin was typically off to the side or way in the back. He was the Lance Bass of this boy band. Yes, I said it.
This past week, it was announced that Kevin is coming back…alright! As you should know, BSB has their own cruise ship…the SS Backstreet. The boys like to host concerts on it. Kevin announced that he is tentatively rejoining the group for one night only and picked the best spot to reunite with his former band mates…the Bahamas!
Kevin told Ryan Seacrest…“I would never say that it would never happen,” says Richardson. “I would love to perform with them again on a more regular basis. Our chemistry when we come together just feels like old times.”
Kevin – My vote is stay…give me a reason to love BSB again.
Kate Middleton… that ticking is your biological clock
Some huge non-demeaning to women news broke out from that famous royal family in the UK this past week.
Here is a quick summary… if Kate and Will happen to pop out a baby girl, that lil lady will now be eligible to be Queen one day. And it won’t matter if the would-be queen has a little brother…she will be in line for the throne! I have to say…I’m pumped.
In a meeting last Friday, the Commonwealth leaders from 16 countries agreed to end the centuries-old practice that doesn’t allow female heirs to take hold of the British throne. Another positive part of this is that “leaders have also agreed to end a 300-year-old ban on the monarch being married to a Catholic,” according to The Gazette.
Does this mean I can marry Prince Harry now? I sure hope so!
Kate and Will – In the words of Sean Paul…Get Busy.
Any news about strippers is good news
Any “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” fans out there? I’ll admit it…I am a fan and I’m still waiting for the appropriate moment to flip a table.
Rumors have been circulating the interweb that Jacqueline Laurita is a former Las Vegas stripper and she is trying to keep this secret a secret. I gotta tell you Jacqueline …if I know, everyone knows.
What peaked everyone’s interest in Jacqueline was the fact that she declined to show up to the New Jersey Housewives reunion. According to HollywoodLife.com, “She feared that Danielle Staub would make a surprise appearance and tell all about Jacqueline’s stripping past,” shares a source. “She didn’t want to face the truth!”
Here is the best part… Jacqueline met Chris (her husband) while working as an exotic dancer. I guess T-Pain was speaking the truth when he said, “I’m in Love with a Stripper.”
Jacqueline – I’m not one to judge…you had a baby to support and needed some cash money. Let’s be real, at least one out of every three ladies have thought about stripping as an career option (Btw I just made that figure up). Anywho, if you got it, flaunt it.