If you’re like me, you wonder a lot of things throughout the day. For example:
- “Did I remember to put pants on?”
- “Carrie Underwood thinks Jesus can drive…but does he have a license?”
- “Where the hell has Paris Hilton been?”
While I don’t have all the answers in life, I do have the answer to number three.
Paris Hilton has been in the recording studio…duh. The heiress has released a new single and it’s called “Drunk Text.” Just by the name alone…I knew this was going to be magical.
What makes Hilton’s new single so bad that it’s good…the song is described as a “spoken word techno” jam. Our favorite heiress does not sing, but speaks the lyrics.
Sorry everyone! The video keeps being removed from the interweb. As soon as I find a stable link…I’ll post it!
On a scale of one to magical…I’m going to give this unicorn status. This song (if I can even call it that) will be burned into my memory forever. I already know that when I am 98 years old and definitely a bingo champion, I will still be asking…”Remember that time Paris Hilton released a spoken word single?”
Favise spoken lyrics:
“I went out to the club the other night to, you know, dance with my bitches” AND ”You take the word sex and mix it with texting/It’s called sexting/But when you add drunk sexting/the words just don’t make sense”
When it comes to songs that involve texting, drinks and da club…while it was a close call…the award must go to Lady GaGa. She best expressed her feelings when she said “Just a second/It’s my favorite song they’re gonna play/And I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh?”
Paris – I can’t believe I’m going to say this but maybe you should stick to singing.
Rihanna released her sixth studio album “Talk That Talk” Nov. 21, 2011. Let me tell you…I was pumped.
When Rihanna releases an album, she typically talks about the important things in life. For example, Umbrellas, S&M and the dangerous game of Russian Roulette…all important factors in my life, as they should be in yours. Needless to say, I was looking forward to the wisdom of her sixth CD.
The first track released off this album was “We Found Love” = superb choice. While the song is upbeat, the lyrics tell a different and sad story. As for the music video, it showed the masses that RiRi is still in pain. I feel bad for the Chris Brown look-a-like…do you think he gets heckled on the street?
Side note: I’ll see you in hell Chris Brown!
When the album was released, I like to chose the songs that should be released as singles. I was seriously campaigning for “Talk that Talk” ft. Hova and was slightly disappointed when I heard “You Da One” playing on the radio a few days ago. Sad face.
After going through a period of denial, depression and recovery, I’ve have accepted “You Da One” as the second single, but realized that I don’t have to like it.
My goal with this post is to start an Internet movement/revolution in order to get “Talk that Talk” ft. Hova as the third single off RiRi’s album.
Here are some reasons why:
- It features Mr. Hova
- You can play this song extremely loud in your Honda and look like a boss
- Rihanna taught me how to count from 1 to 4…thanks boo
- Jay-Z says the word “pee”
- Rihanna chants at the end…and who doesn’t love a good chant
Favise Lyrics: “I’mma get it right on the first try for you” (As do I Rihanna, as do I ).
Rihanna – I know once you read this, you will be convinced to release “Talk That Talk” as your third single. All I ask in return is to be featured in the music video. I’ve been working on my Pop, Lock and Drop It and I think I’ve finally hit the nail on the head. See you on set girl!
In honor of Non-Demeaning to Women Wednesday, I would like to share with you the new music video by Kelly Clarkson…”Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” is the 2nd single off Clarkson’s 5th studio album “Stronger.”
If you are wondering why I chose Kelly as the Non-Demeaning to Women Wednesday winner…you deserve a slap across the face.
Kelly Clarkson is the definition of Non-Demeaning to Women. She doesn’t care what you say about her fluctuating weight and will not let any man sass her.
Personally, I think she could kick my ass and I’m weirdly alright with that.
Below is Clarkson’s newest music video for “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You).”
I have a few things I would like to say about this video:
- Kelly is looking good these days. I’m feeling the bangs.
- I’m not really pumped about the fan videos that are sprinkled throughout, but since Kelly is such a nice person I can see why she did it.
- Flash mob starring the American Idol…love it.
While this video is ok, I’m not in love with it. Whatever happened to the music videos that Clarkson would release that had a storyline? For example, “Never Again,” “Behind These Hazel Eyes” and “Since You’ve Been Gone.” I really felt Kelly’s pain when I watched these.
As for the 3rd single, I’m really pulling for “Let Me Down.” This song is Clarkson at her man-hating best. She let’s us know that: “You’re only gonna let me down/When it counts, you countdown/You’re only gonna turn me out/As I burn, you burn out.” So profound.
Kelly – In my eyes, you are the one and only American Idol. I don’t understand why Seacrest and J.Lo keep searching for another one season after season. They already found you! See you in AC, girl!
Of course I have an extremely long handwritten list of all the Spears songs that I want released as singles. Since I would like to keep my adoring fans happy, this will be the last post on this topic…I pinky swear.
When people think of Britney, they don’t think of her slow jams, they think of her upbeat, catchy songs (as they should). But Brit always sneaks a few mellow songs onto her albums and I believe they deserve a chance to shine.
Landing at lucky number seven on “Circus” aka the comeback album, “Unusual You” tells the tale of Britney finally finding a man that treats her good.
We all know Britney’s choice in men hasn’t been the best (excluding Justin and Jason). “Unusual You” is where Britney shares the fact that she is used to being treated like less than the queen she is. We learn that Britney meets a new gentleman and he treats her good, hence the unusual part.
As a woman of the 90s, I totally get what’s she saying! Where are all the good men? They certainly aren’t at the bars…been there, done that. Maybe the good ones are at the grocery store, everyone does have to eat. Or could they be at the library, everyone does need to pick up a Nicholas Sparks novel from time to time. Hmm.
I picture the music video showing Britney working on her fitness and the unusual man is in the boxing ring. Next, Britney and her unusual man lock eyes. The rest of the video shows Brit and her new man at the park playing Frisbee, cooking tater tots in her kitchen and even taking a spin class together…that’s love.
Favise lyrics: “Baby, you’re so unusual/Didn’t anyone tell you, you’re supposed to/Break my heart?/I expect you to, so why haven’t you?”
Britney – Hopefully your new beau is fulfilling the unusual role. If he steps out of line…I will not hesitate to pepper spray him.
He About To Lose Me
This track is one of my absolute favorite Britney Spears songs. So much so that it is my ring tone on my cellular telephone. ..that’s dedication. This jam is track number 14 on the deluxe edition of “Femme Fatale,” not even making the regular edition of the CD!
This song tells the tale of Britney meeting a man that lights her fire, while at the same time her other man is at home waiting for her. The “someone” at home does not see Brit or make her feel hot. Britney sings about the pain of having to either go home to the deadbeat bf or get it in with the hot dude at the club. Decisions, decisions.
Music video scene: Brit is at a club with her girlfriends…a ridiculously good-looking man comes up to Britney and flips her world upside down…on the dance floor of course. The rest of the video flashes back between an unhappy Brit with the deadbeat bf and a smiling Brit with the dude on the dance floor.
Of course the video would end without the audience knowing which dude Britney chooses. That’s how they get us to watch the next music video…duh.
Favise lyrics: “I’m touching hands with someone seriously beautiful”
Britney – Please, please, please release this song as a single…and call me!
If you have the Fuse network, you know this is the only channel that airs music videos on a regular basis. The network likes to use a lot of themes and I appreciate a good theme…for example:
- Best Hip-Hop Songs of the Last 1648 Years
- Sexiest Music Videos of All Time…Ever
- The Best Music Videos in the History of Music Videos
Tonight I was watching Fuse and a show called “Loaded” was on. This show choses one artist and airs a bunch of their music videos in a row. This particular episode was close to my heart…it was “Loaded: Britney Spears.” I need to pause for a moment: don’t you even dare think of saying a drunken B. Spears joke or I will slap you through your computer screen. As my mother says, “Try me.”
Anywho, as I was enjoying a diet coke and some Britney, I thought about all the other songs Britney should have released and shared with the masses.
Can’t Make You Love Me
This ridiculously catchy song lands as track number 10 on Spears second studio album “Oops…I Did It Again.” What I think Britney was trying to convey in this pop-ballad is the fact that she doesn’t need a man who has boatloads of money or fame in order to be their lady.
As for the music video, I picture Britney just finishing a concert and being whisked away to her sweet Hummer limo. On her way, she spots a handsome roadie packing up some equipment. All of a sudden…BAM…Brit is smacked in the face by Cupid himself.
This song is Britney’s way of letting her roadie know she could trade in those fancy cars to be his groupie. The rest of the video proceeds to tell the tale of Britney and her roadie living the dream in the back of a pickup.
Favise lyrics: “Don’t care about money/It doesn’t give me half the thrill/ To the thought of you, honey.” *cough* K-fed *cough*
Britney – You don’t need to make anyone love you…they already do boo, they already do.
The title of the song says it all! You know Britney has a few nights like these under her belt. While this is a slow jam, it does give us three minutes and seven seconds of pure honesty from my spiritual goddess.
Horrendously buried at track number 8 on Spears sixth studio album “Circus,” “Blur” tells the tale of B. Spears waking up at a random dude’s bachelor pad and not remembering a damn thing. Britney sings, “Who are you? What we do…last night?” Oh you know what they did alright.
I picture the music video beginning with the camera facing a window as the sun is coming up. The camera spans down and we see Britney with an arm over her eyes saying, “Turn the lights out/This shit is way too fucking bright/Wanna poke my eyes out.”
Next, Britney realizes there is a random, but beautiful man next to her who happens to be naked…no big deal. The rest of the music video consists of Britney gathering her belongings that were thrown all over while simultaneously flashing back to the glorious night before. The end shows Britney walking out of the dude’s place with a smile on her face.
Favise lyrics: “Where the hell am I?”
Britney – This jam cemented you as my spiritual goddess for the rest of my life. Call me!
Jessica Simpson – ‘I Wanna Love You Forever’
This. Jam. Will. Never. Get. Old. Released in 1999, this is Simpson’s most successful single to date…and it’s clear why.
The music video was obviously filmed back in the day when Jessica had the wholesome gal with a preacher dad image.
Video premise: Jessica is singing her face off at a photo shoot wearing a jean jacket and there are some sunflowers thrown in there too.
Simpson makes a total 360 from jean jacket to a leather belly shirt ensemble in “Irresistible.” Wouldn’t mind Jessica screaming this song either…just throwing it out there.
Jessica sings this jam with such fierceness, it’s like she’s singing to Jesus. Personally, I have tried to get on Jessica’s level. I am known for popping in my Jessica Simpson mix cd while in traffic and screaming the lyrics to neighboring vehicles. Let’s just say, I’m not winning a Grammy anytime soon.
Favise lyrics: “I wanna love you forever/And this is all I’m asking of you/10,000 lifetimes together/Is that so much for you to do?”
I can only wish/pray/get a lucky fortune cookie that I will enjoy 10,000 lifetimes with my husband. God help me.
Charlotte York adopts a baby
Okay, Kristin Davis actually adopted a baby, but so did Charlotte York. You can’t be mad at me for getting confuzzled.
This “Sex and the City” diva has adopted a baby girl named, Gemma Rose Davis. Kirstin actually became a mom two months ago, but decided to keep it a secret until now.
“This is something I have wanted for a very long time,” Davis tells People. “Having this wish come true is even more gratifying than I ever had imagined. I feel so blessed.”
I’m so glad that Kristin went ahead and fulfilled her dream of being a mom without waiting on some dude. Speaking of dudes, did you know that Kristin has been romantically linked to Rick Fox, Liev Schreiber, Jeff Goldblum and Alec Baldwin? Nice work, girl!
I’d like to end this post with one of my favise quotes that Charlotte York ever uttered: “I’ve been dating since I was 15. I’m exhausted! Where is he?”
I hear you girl.
Leo DiCaprio is single and ready to mingle…again
After a long 5-month romance, Leo DiCaprio and Blake Lively are no longer a pair.
This past week, both their reps confirmed to “Us Weekly” that these two (ex)lovebirds have called it quits. Of course the F word was dropped. Reps added, “The pair remain friends.” Yea, okay.
Blake scored a pretty sweet deal. First spotted together back in May, Leo and Blake vacationed on Steven Spielberg’s yacht in Monte Carlo.
Following that, these two were seen all over the globe…Italy, California, New York City and even Australia! I’m sure if there were vacation spots in outer space, we would have seen pictures of these two floating around Pluto (I know it’s not a planet anymore, but I reject that informational detail).
Apparently Blake is already creeping on Ryan Reynolds. These two were seen taking a train to Boston…on to the next one, right? Leo is also on to the next one…Alyce Crawford from “America’s Next Top Model.” Girl, you better get down on your hands and knees and thank Tyra Banks.
I’ll admit it; I didn’t like Blake and Leo as a couple. I kept thinking, “Blake get out of Kate Winslet’s way!” I know I’m beating a dead horse, but let’s be real Kate and Leo are meant to be! Leo…don’t let Kate go…you promised.
Madonna + Super bowl = more than a nip slip
It was has been reported that Madonna will perform at the Super Bowl’s halftime spectacle. I haven’t enjoyed a halftime show since 2004…remember when Justin Timberlake exposed Janet Jackson’s nip (hahahaha)?
I feel like Janet has yet to recover from that incident, but Justin is still doing what he does…bringing sexy back and getting a huge paycheck for it.
If Madonna plays the show, I feel like The Queen of Pop is obligated to top the Jackson/Timberlake nipple debacle. Since the Catholics are already hollering to have Madonna banned from the Super Bowl, I think she’s is going to belt out “Like A Prayer” and maybe Jesus will be on tambourine.
The president of the Catholic League, Bill Donohue has said, “For decades, Madonna has blatantly offended Christians, especially Catholics. The offensive lyrics, lewd behavior and misappropriation of sacred symbols are reason enough not to have her perform.”
Hey Bill – did you go to catholic school? I side with Madonna on this one. Do what you do best girl…and offend the hell out of everyone.
Ricky Martin ft. Christina Aguilera – ‘Nobody Wants to Be Lonely’
To conclude my research of awkward music videos, I have chosen “Nobody Wants to Be Lonely” by Ricky Martin ft. Christina Aguilera. Let’s get something straight – I love Ricky. I have loved him ever since he shook his bon-bon all the way into my heart with the release of his self-titled album in 1999. When I saw Ricky Martin for the first time, I think that was when I became a woman.
As for the single I am focusing on, I thought what a pair these two were! I was hoping Xtina was getting some action out of the deal, but alas she was not…
“Nobody Wants to Be Lonely” was released on January 19, 2001 and did a pretty good job pleasing the masses. This jam peaked at #13 on Billboard’s Hot 100. I’m almost positive the music video didn’t assist in that chart position at all.
The video starts out with a flock of doves heaving their way at you. Next, the camera guides us inside some sort of mythical mansion where we get to stare at Xtina in an empty room. I believe this is the point where she discovered Botox (Sorry Xtina – but it’s the truth. Your hair looks great tho). We first see Ricky standing against a wall of shrubbery…the camera cuts back and it’s actually a maze (digital maze, of course). Could this symbolize the maze to his heart?
Throughout the video, these two just randomly pop up all over the mythical mansion singing their faces off. Those god damn doves make cameos every few scenes as well.
My favises part of this video: when Xtina and Ricky walk through each other, kinda reminds me of the movie “Ghost.” While this walking thru part is happening, our stars stare at each other awkwardly…in a WTF kind of way. Okay, you watch the video and try to describe it.
This music video ends with Ricky and Xtina embracing and singing to each other. Little did she know he just wasn’t that into her.
Even though I was pulling for “Inside Out,” I’m excited for this music video. What woman hasn’t been in love with a criminal? My vision for the music video is Britney creeping on a beautiful man covered in tattoos and piercings, who is carrying a weapon of some sort.
Favises lyrics: “And he’s got my name/Tattooed on his arm/His lucky charm/So I guess its okay/He’s with me”
It’s Britney Bitch.