The book I’m about to discuss is on my top five list of best books. Since I’ve only read a total of 3.5 books, the list is a little underdeveloped at the moment.
Anywho, I have never actually Loled while reading a book until I read this one…and that includes all those textbooks from Catholic school that the CCD kids drew pictures in.
‘Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea’ – Chelsea Handler
Did you ever see a television show where a character experiences a dilemma and an angel pops up on one shoulder and the devil on the other in order to sway the decision? In my ideal world, Britney Spears would be my angel and Chelsea Handler would be my devil.
From reading this book, I have to say Chelsea seems more likely to persuade me. I wonder if get out of jail free cards exist outside of Monopoly?
If you have ever watched “Chelsea Lately,” read any of Handler’s four books, or have heard any of the true rumors (50 Cent) about this woman, you know she is a good time. She has been incarcerated for goodness sakes…hero.
‘Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea’ was published April 22, 2008 and is a bunch of random moments from Chelsea’s life. The stories start from her early years in grade school where she tries to convince her schoolmates that she was cast in a movie with Goldie Hawn up until her adult drinking years.
While I believe this whole book is worth the read, I have two favorite parts:
- When Chelsea gets arrested and placed in a women’s prison. She seriously considers getting intimate with another inmate in order to protect herself.
- When (adult) Chelsea gets into an altercation with a group of fourteen-year-old girls who call her the C word…Oh no they didn’t. Needless to say, Chelsea lashes out and the young girls beat on her.
Overall, I give this book 5 out of 5 high-fives. The way Chelsea tells her tale is written in such a way that you can’t put the book down. It made me realize that I could be a strong, independent woman and a hot mess at the same time.
Chelsea – You probably get this all the time, but I think we could be great friends. I am accustomed to being verbally and mentally harassed by my friends. I’m very gullible…one time my roommates told me that our cat (who was fixed) was pregnant…I told everyone including my mom. Turns out the cat wasn’t pregnant and I am shamed till this day. I do enjoy the art of drinking and I am pretty funny…Call me.
P.S. Make sure you check out “Are You There, Chelsea?” on NBC next Wednesday! It’s based on this very book.
I was blessed again this year receiving a few books from Santa. This year I was given “Lies Chelsea Handler Told Me” by Chelsea’s family and friends and ”Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)” by Mindy Kaling.
Santa typically brings me a few books every year. I figure he probably thinks one of two things:
1. She really needs to learn how to read.
2. Someone give this girl something productive to do besides dancing around her room all day.
So I have decided to share with you my favorite books written by celebrities.
‘How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale’ – Jenna Jameson
I’ll be honest, I picked up this book solely because of the title. As you should know, Jenna Jameson is a porn queen. Hey, a girl has to pay the bills somehow.
Jenna’s real name is Jenna Marie Massoli and that is one of the billions of things she reveals in her autobiography.
Even though I was slightly disappointed that it was a more biographical story then a guidebook, Jenna did us ladies a solid and gave us her ten commandments of dating and sex! My favorite: pineapple does a world of good.
From reading this book, I learned that Jenna has had a tough life and that’s putting it lightly. From abusive boyfriends, debilitating drug addictions and crawling her way to the top of the porn industry, Jenna has had quite the ride so far.
One of my favorite parts of the book was her tryst with the one and scary Marilyn Manson. I recall Jenna saying that Manson was a fan of “the C word” and by C word, she meant cuddle. Who would have thunk it?
If you haven’t had the pleasure of reading Jenna’s book, Oprah comes to the rescue again and provides the first chapter on her website. I’m warning you now, you’ll probably have to buy the book immediately after…it’s just that good.
I have read my share of biographies and at almost 600 pages, I finished this tale in about 2 weeks. That’s a personal best. I also gave this bible, I mean book to anyone that wanted to borrow it, even strangers. See, Jenna brings people together and not just in a creepy porn way.
Jenna – Thank you for sharing your story. If you ever need a friend to go to a pole dancing class…I can be ready in 6.7 minutes.