That Voice Came from Where?!

Did you ever listen to a song and picture what the person looked like in your mind before you saw what they actually looked like? I tend to do that a lot since I listen to Spotify for almost 8 hours a day. What else am I supposed to do at work?! Oops, can’t say that. :)

One song that I have caught myself listening to over and over again is “Love Me Again” by John Newman. When I first heard this song, I picture John Newman as a more fit Zac Brown. Well, I must say I was totally wrong. When I actually saw what John Newman looked like, I got a slight case of whiplash.

In case you haven’t heard this jam, please watch this video where you can’t see what John Newman looks like. See below:

So do you have a mental picture of what John Newman looks like? Ok, I’m about ready to blow your mind:

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Now tell me that wasn’t what you expected to see! I’m still in disbelief that this man is actually singing this song.

Since we are already talking about John Newman, here are some fun facts in order to help you get to know John a bit better:

  • He is 23 years old and from the UK.
  • John has woken up in a jail cell before (into it). He was arrested for cruising mopeds on other people’s property. I was hoping for indecent exposure or something real wild.
  • He worked as a glass collector (unsure if this is what I think it means) and a bartender before venturing to music.

As for his relationship status, sorry ladies, John has a significant other. In the words of Regina George…boo you whore.

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Gaga Drags R. Kelly Out Da Closet

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Remember when Lady Gaga was your ordinary, run-of-the-mill pop star? Yes, I’m bringing it back to those days when she was rocking leotards and poking faces.

I enjoyed those days. She was what she was…and that was a woman who could sing catchy pop songs. Well, I must have been in quite the heavy blackout because next thing you know Gaga is acting like a spiritual leader of sorts. She even allowed herself to be reborn…take that Jesus.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Gaga does great things as an activist, but the songs on Artpop still seem like just pop songs. I’m not the only one who is thinking this stuff. The reviews for Artpop aren’t exactly kneeling at her alter.

As everyone knows, I do enjoy a damn good pop song and Gaga does deliver in that regard. Case in point: Do What U Want feat. R. Kelly.

Lyrics I would like to comment on:

Lady Gaga: I feel good, I walk alone/But then I trip by myself and I fall/I, I stand up, and then I’m okay

Kari: Is this what inspiration feels like?

Lady Gaga: So do what you want/What you want with my body/Do what you want/Don’t stop, let’s party

Kari: Inappropriate for anyone under 18. For the over 18 crowd, this is a great opening line at the bar or other types of social gatherings.

R. Kelly: Do what I want/Do what I want with your body/Ya we taking these haters and we roughin’ ‘em up/And we laying a cut like we don’t give a fuck

Kari: I never realized until this moment that R. Kelly is the Maya Angelou of our time. Someone call Oprah!

After listening to this song on repeat pretty much all day, I have to say I’m glad Lady Gaga could convince Kells to exit the closet and drop some beats.

Some Good ‘Bangerz’


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At some point last week, Miley Cyrus release her new album, Bangerz, and Spotify suggested I give it a listen. While Spotify doesn’t always hit the nail on the head, I figured it was my duty as an American to give the album a spin.

Overall, I’m into it. Of course there are some songs I don’t like and don’t understand. For example 4×4, #GETITRIGHT, Love Money Party and My Darlin’. I won’t post these songs, you can Google them. But if you’ve heard them, you know what I’m talking about.

Ok, let’s get down to business. Here are my top 3 Miley Bangerz:

Someone Else

I know, I know, another breakup song. I’m saving up money to speak with a professional about my feelings. Feel free to donate to the cause.

Anywho, Someone Else, sounds like Miley was changing her ways for a gentleman. Ladies, haven’t we all felt this way? Well obviously she slammed on the breaks when she realized that was happening. #StrongerThanYesterday.


Jeez Liam, you must have really pissed Miley off.


This is my favorite banger on the whole album, besides Wrecking Ball of course. And yes, it’s another sad song about being alone. I really do need some type of counseling.

Miley, you did a great job of organizing these tracks. I felt like this album was the evolution of your love story with Liam Hemsworth. I could tell you really had it with his shit by track six. You go girl.

Singles Dropping Left and Right

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I’m sure you’ve heard, but two pop ladies released some new jams today. Katy Perry released “Roar” and Lady Gaga released “Applause.”

I have to say, I’m not super impressed with either of them…I’ve heard better from these two. When I really started thinking about how I’m not in love with either of these songs, a scary thought entered my mind…am I too old for pop music?!!? Dear God, I hope not. What will I listen to? And don’t you dare say country music.

You take a listen to both songs and let me know your thoughts. First up is “Roar” by Katy Perry.

Next up, Lady Gaga’s “Applause.”

Let’s be real, once these songs hit the radio and I hear them approximately sixty times within the next three months, they will get stuck in my head and I’ll be changing my negative tune.

That literally happened to me with Miley’s new song, “We Can’t Stop,” about four hours ago. When I first heard “We Can’t Stop,” all I felt was longing for the “Can’t Be Tamed” days. Now, I’m into the new Cyrus single and I’m wondering how long it will take me to twerk like that.

Honestly, is “Roar” and “Applause” as good as “E.T.” and “Bad Romance” were? Because they were God damn great! As Hilary Duff once said, “let’s go back, back to the beginning” and bring back those cool jams!

Stuck in my Head – ‘Red Blooded Woman’

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Occasionally I like to creep on iTunes for new songs that I can’t live without and at $1.29 a pop I better not be able to live without them! Anywho, I came across musical bad ass Kylie Minogue and her new single “Time Bomb.”

As usual, Kylie has yet to disappoint and anyone who can wear a dress made out a few pieces of string and three scraps of fabric is a hero in my book. Hint: watch the whole music video and you will see what I mean.

After watching “Time Bomb,” this spurred me to look up some older Kylie jams and I came across my all-time favise Kylie song…”Red Blooded Woman.” As they say, you don’t choose what you love, it chooses you…and in this case that’s 100% truth.

“Red Blooded Woman” can be found on Kylie’s ninth studio album “Body Language,” released in 2003. The song did really well in the UK, reaching the number four spot and not too bad in the U.S…reaching number 24 on the Billboard Hot Dance Club Party chart (yes, this exists).

Favise lyrics: “You’ll never get to heaven if you’re scared of getting high”

While I love the song, I love the video even more! Now that I drive to and from work, I get stuck in the occasional rage-blackout inducing traffic jam. If I just take Kylie’s approach, I can reduce my blood pressure and probably meet some new people along the way. Let me explain.

In the musical video interpretation of “Red Blooded Woman,” Kylie get stuck in traffic. Instead of blacking out and/or lighting up a cigarette like the rest of the traffic participants, Kylie exits the vehicle and dances provocatively along the highway. Now my question is…why didn’t I think of this?

Kylie – Thank you for giving me something constructive to do while in traffic. I will be forever grateful.

If Loving You Is Wrong…I Don’t Want To Be Right part II

This post will probably provoke some to throw rocks at me, but I can’t be tamed any longer…besides that’s what helmets are for.

Miley Cyrus

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While I don’t care much for Hannah Montana, I love the Miley Cyrus! Ever since Britney has cleaned up her act and Paris has fallen off the face of the planet, I need almost a train wreck – but not quite there yet celebrity to keep my eye on. Miley certainly fits the profile.

I have noticed that when Miley comes up in conversation and I admit that I’m a fan…people give me the creep stare. But I refused to be tamed…I swear, that reference will never get old!

There are many reason to heart the Miley aka Destiny Hope Cyrus:

  • She made boatloads of money for wearing a blonde wig…Miley received $15,000 per episode for “Hannah Montana.”
  • She used to date an underwear model.
  • Her current boyfriend is Liam Hemsworth. In the words of Xtina…keeps gettin better.
  • Miley is a magnet for trouble…she has an entire section on her Wikipedia page titled, “Controversies.” Pretty damn cool.
  • Her songs are super catchy. Haven’t we all nodded our head like yea and moved our hips like yea?

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If loving you is wrong I don’t want to be right because:

I couldn’t help that I cried at the end of “The Last Song.” Just like I couldn’t help the fact that I watched the movie more times than I have fingers.

I also have approximately four Miley songs on my iPod…a good Miley ballad gets me every time.

Miley also keeps landing in hot water by mentioning a certain drug that rhymes with “deed.” Let’s be real…everyone knows! Especially after you announced at your 19th birthday party that “You know you’re a stoner when your friends make you a Bob Marley cake. You know you smoke way too much fuckin’ weed.”

Miley – You can’t be tamed, you party in the U.S.A. and you’re just being Miley. Because of those three reasons, I have no shame in loving you.

P.S. I would never change you.

Wishes and Dreams for the New Year…part II

As the entire world knows, I would take a bitch slap and/or dropkick for B. Spears. Being on that level for Britney, many people expect me to dislike the following celebrity. I am here to tell you that is just silly. Why can’t we all be friends?

Here is my second prediction for the new year…listen up TMZ.

2012 Will be the Year of Xtina

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Let’s be real…Christina Aguilera has had a tough 2011 for a few reasons:

  • Still dealing with the divorce backlash…hoes before bros
  • Fudging the lyrics to “The Star-Spangled Banner” at Super Bowl XLV…Hey, I’d like to see you sing in front of that many people
  • Getting arrested for public intoxication…it was only for a few hours
  • Released in 2010, Xtina’s fourth album, “Bionic” didn’t do so hot…I own a copy

Now hold the phone! There were a few good things to come out of 2011. Christina landed a spot as a judge on NBC’s “The Voice.” The show was well received and is set to return for a second season Feb. 5, 2012.

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Along with that, Xtina teamed up with Maroon 5 on a song that plays over and over in my head, “Moves Like Jagger.” Apparently this jam is good because it was nominated for a Grammy. Finally, Xtina has landed a new bf, Matthew Rutler.

Why do I think 2012 will be the year of Xtina? Let me set the record straight. Britney Spears has had one of the greatest comebacks in the history of comebacks. That bitch crawled her way out of the pits of hell to the top of the record charts. If she could do it, so can Xtina! Now is Xtina’s chance to get back to the “Dirty” era of her fame. In order to do that, I recommend she dye her hair black again.

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An observation I made: When Britney dyed her hair black…she went cray. When Xtina dyed her hair black…she wore a lot of leather and did whatever she wanted. Point Xtina.

The “Not Myself Tonight” singer has revealed that she is in the studio recording a new album. Xtina has a boatload of possible material to scream about! I really hope she sings about her stint in jail, because who doesn’t love songs about jail?

Xtina – I need some more of you in my life. I really cannot go without your awesome vocals and your Xtina hand high in the air. Good luck <3

Non-Demeaning to Women Wednesday

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In honor of Non-Demeaning to Women Wednesday, I would like to share with you the new music video by Kelly Clarkson…”Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” is the 2nd single off Clarkson’s 5th studio album “Stronger.”

If you are wondering why I chose Kelly as the Non-Demeaning to Women Wednesday winner…you deserve a slap across the face.

Kelly Clarkson is the definition of Non-Demeaning to Women. She doesn’t care what you say about her fluctuating weight and will not let any man sass her.

Personally, I think she could kick my ass and I’m weirdly alright with that.

Below is Clarkson’s newest music video for “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You).”

I have a few things I would like to say about this video:

  • Kelly is looking good these days. I’m feeling the bangs.
  • I’m not really pumped about the fan videos that are sprinkled throughout, but since Kelly is such a nice person I can see why she did it.
  • Flash mob starring the American Idol…love it.

While this video is ok, I’m not in love with it. Whatever happened to the music videos that Clarkson would release that had a storyline? For example, “Never Again,” “Behind These Hazel Eyes” and “Since You’ve Been Gone.” I really felt Kelly’s pain when I watched these.

As for the 3rd single, I’m really pulling for “Let Me Down.” This song is Clarkson at her man-hating best. She let’s us know that: “You’re only gonna let me down/When it counts, you countdown/You’re only gonna turn me out/As I burn, you burn out.” So profound.

Kelly – In my eyes, you are the one and only American Idol. I don’t understand why Seacrest and J.Lo keep searching for another one season after season. They already found you! See you in AC, girl!

Throwback – BBMak

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Ahh BBMak. What happened to these three beauties? This English pop band released their first single, “Back Here” in 1999 and I was (and maybe still am) memorized.

Are you wondering why I was so hypnotized by this band? Well, I’m going to tell you anyways.

I have found throughout my extensive research into pop bands/groups that there is always a member or two that isn’t particularly attractive. Sadly, I will not be naming names because I am trying to swing my karma in the good direction.

Anywho, my jaw dropped when I first saw BBMak on (most likely) TRL and my young self thought, “Damn.” It’s my personal belief that all three of these gentlemen are beautiful, handsome, striking, gorgeous…choose your favise adjective.

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BBMak is made up of:

  • Mark Barry – vocals and the occasion bag pipe (not kidding)
  • Christian Burns – acoustical guitar and some sweet vocals
  • Stephen McNally – electrical guitar and some more sweet vocals

Ready for this mind blow…BBMak stands for the B in Barry, the B in Burns and the M for McNally…I really don’t know when/where the “ak” part attached itself to the band’s name. I thought BBMak was chosen because the boys liked Big Macs…wrong again.

BBMak released two albums together and in 2003 decided to go solo… I can’t imagine these three beautiful men singing without each other. It’s like they are slapping the universe in the face.

Because of this travesty, I am starting a “Bring BBMak Back Here” campaign. Who is with me?

Songs Britney Spears should have released…part II

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Of course I have an extremely long handwritten list of all the Spears songs that I want released as singles. Since I would like to keep my adoring fans happy, this will be the last post on this topic…I pinky swear.

When people think of Britney, they don’t think of her slow jams, they think of her upbeat, catchy songs (as they should). But Brit always sneaks a few mellow songs onto her albums and I believe they deserve a chance to shine.

Unusual You

Landing at lucky number seven on “Circus” aka the comeback album, “Unusual You” tells the tale of Britney finally finding a man that treats her good.

We all know Britney’s choice in men hasn’t been the best (excluding Justin and Jason). “Unusual You” is where Britney shares the fact that she is used to being treated like less than the queen she is. We learn that Britney meets a new gentleman and he treats her good, hence the unusual part.

As a woman of the 90s, I totally get what’s she saying! Where are all the good men? They certainly aren’t at the bars…been there, done that. Maybe the good ones are at the grocery store, everyone does have to eat. Or could they be at the library, everyone does need to pick up a Nicholas Sparks novel from time to time. Hmm.

I picture the music video showing Britney working on her fitness and the unusual man is in the boxing ring. Next, Britney and her unusual man lock eyes. The rest of the video shows Brit and her new man at the park playing Frisbee, cooking tater tots in her kitchen and even taking a spin class together…that’s love.

Favise lyrics: “Baby, you’re so unusual/Didn’t anyone tell you, you’re supposed to/Break my heart?/I expect you to, so why haven’t you?”

Britney – Hopefully your new beau is fulfilling the unusual role. If he steps out of line…I will not hesitate to pepper spray him.

He About To Lose Me

This track is one of my absolute favorite Britney Spears songs. So much so that it is my ring tone on my cellular telephone. ..that’s dedication. This jam is track number 14 on the deluxe edition of “Femme Fatale,” not even making the regular edition of the CD!

This song tells the tale of Britney meeting a man that lights her fire, while at the same time her other man is at home waiting for her. The “someone” at home does not see Brit or make her feel hot. Britney sings about the pain of having to either go home to the deadbeat bf or get it in with the hot dude at the club. Decisions, decisions.

Music video scene: Brit is at a club with her girlfriends…a ridiculously good-looking man comes up to Britney and flips her world upside down…on the dance floor of course. The rest of the video flashes back between an unhappy Brit with the deadbeat bf and a smiling Brit with the dude on the dance floor.

Of course the video would end without the audience knowing which dude Britney chooses. That’s how they get us to watch the next music video…duh.

Favise lyrics: “I’m touching hands with someone seriously beautiful”

Britney – Please, please, please release this song as a single…and call me!


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