I was blessed again this year receiving a few books from Santa. This year I was given “Lies Chelsea Handler Told Me” by Chelsea’s family and friends and “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)” by Mindy Kaling.
Santa typically brings me a few books every year. I figure he probably thinks one of two things:
1. She really needs to learn how to read.
2. Someone give this girl something productive to do besides dancing around her room all day.
So I have decided to share with you my favorite books written by celebrities.
‘How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale’ – Jenna Jameson
I’ll be honest, I picked up this book solely because of the title. As you should know, Jenna Jameson is a porn queen. Hey, a girl has to pay the bills somehow.
Jenna’s real name is Jenna Marie Massoli and that is one of the billions of things she reveals in her autobiography.
Even though I was slightly disappointed that it was a more biographical story then a guidebook, Jenna did us ladies a solid and gave us her ten commandments of dating and sex! My favorite: pineapple does a world of good.
From reading this book, I learned that Jenna has had a tough life and that’s putting it lightly. From abusive boyfriends, debilitating drug addictions and crawling her way to the top of the porn industry, Jenna has had quite the ride so far.
One of my favorite parts of the book was her tryst with the one and scary Marilyn Manson. I recall Jenna saying that Manson was a fan of “the C word” and by C word, she meant cuddle. Who would have thunk it?
If you haven’t had the pleasure of reading Jenna’s book, Oprah comes to the rescue again and provides the first chapter on her website. I’m warning you now, you’ll probably have to buy the book immediately after…it’s just that good.
I have read my share of biographies and at almost 600 pages, I finished this tale in about 2 weeks. That’s a personal best. I also gave this bible, I mean book to anyone that wanted to borrow it, even strangers. See, Jenna brings people together and not just in a creepy porn way.
Jenna – Thank you for sharing your story. If you ever need a friend to go to a pole dancing class…I can be ready in 6.7 minutes.
Remember the days when we were keeping up with Nick and Jessica, The Osbournes and experienced the Simple Life with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie? Now all I get is the Kardashians screaming at each other for 30 minutes every Sunday. The only saving grace in that family is Scott Disick<3.
Even though I am a fan of watching every sneeze the Kardashians make, it gets a tad tiring watching the same family over and over again.
Yes, I know Gene Simmons and his family have a reality show, but I can never find the damn A&E channel! That’s a problem I need to take up with my cable provider.
Oprah and Gayle
Who hasn’t wondered about these two? The lesbionic rumors have been swirling for years…they even got so bad that Oprah addressed them herself.
Back in 2010, Oprah told Baba Wawa “I’m not a lesbian. I’m not even kind of a lesbian,” she said.
Now that that silly rumor has been cleared up, Oprah has been with her man-friend, Stedman Graham since 1986. Stedman seems like a regular dude, we could compare him to the Bruce Jenner of the Oprah reality show.
Since people aren’t watching the Kardashians to see Bruce play with his mechanical airplanes, I doubt people would be watching the Oprah show to see Stedman read a book or whatever it is he does when Oprah isn’t bossing him around.
I envision the Oprah reality show to star Oprah (duh!) and her bestie Gayle King. Throughout the show, we see Gayle and Oprah swinging on a hammock together, attending couple’s yoga and maybe letting that third wheel Stedman join them for a romantical dinner at Arby’s.
Below is a clip of Oprah and Gayle watching koalas have sex. This will really brighten your day and convince anyone to watch the Oprah and Gayle reality show…that would exclusively air on OWN…obvi.
Oprah – I know that if you and Gayle were lesbians you would tell the world. I’m just kidding around…please don’t destroy me and my family members…please.
Today is a day for celebration. Why you ask? 36 years ago today… Kate Winslet was birthed!
Hopefully your company and/or institute of higher learning gave you the day off…it is a national holiday afterall. I will also make the argument that many companies and schools close up shop for December 25th in honor of another birthday…you know who I’m talking about. It’s only fair that we have Kate’s bday off.
Born and raised in Berkshire, England, Winslet is one of four children. Kate has been crafting her acting skills since she was a child. 1991 was when Kate made her acting debut on British television. The first film that Kate graced with her presence was “Heavenly Creatures” in 1994.
You may have seen this fantastical woman in such films as “Titanic” (personal favise), “The Reader,” “The Holiday” and the list goes on and on and on. She also won some pretty big awards in her time. Kate has a Golden Globe, an Oscar and an Emmy on her mantle. I’m starting the Kate Winslet wins a Tony campaign on Friday…send me a smoke signal if you want to join the revolution.
She has many other talents besides acting. Kate is a cool mom, a sweet tap dancer, a lifesaver and is totally okay with flashing her lady lumps on the big screen. You go girl!
P.S. Winslet and her breasts have been endorsed by Oprah…need I say more?
Dear Kate – you are a classy and unforgettable woman… I hope you are partying your face off today. Call me if you need a designated driver.Hopefully you will see Leo in his birthday suit tonight! Love – Kari
Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah’s Couch
If you want to show your significant other how much you love them, would you jump on a couch and proclaim your admiration for your better half on Oprah? Many would say no, but Tom Cruise would say differently.
During this time, Mr. Cruise was on his promotional tour for “Wars of the Worlds” and stopped by Oprah. The movie was trumped by Cruise’s blooming relationship with Katie Holmes.
Tom spent his time with Oprah professing his love for Joey Potter and tossed in the fact that he’s in a new movie. I’d say the shining moment in the interview was when Tom slightly manhandled Katie to get her on stage. Two words: Free Katie!!!!!!
Levi Johnston posed for “Playgirl”
One of our favorite Alaskan residents decided to take it all off but not show it all off (boo).
Levi Johnston decided to extend his fifteen minutes of fame and posed for “Playgirl.” If I do say so myself, it was a very wise choice. I don’t know if it was wise for his career, but it was a wise choice for the sole fact that it increased his lady fan base.
Unfortunately, he didn’t show his Alaskan pistol, but we did get a glimpse of Bristol Palin’s ex-boyfriend. Bristol, we understand and are pretty jealous.
Ashton Kutcher dated January Jones
Before he became Mr. Demi Moore, Ashton dated Miss January Jones. When January landed in Hollywood, Kutcher was the first boyfriend she snagged when she arrived. Needless to say, he wasn’t very supportive of January’s acting career. In “GQ,” January stated that, “The guy I was dating when I first got to L.A. was not supportive of my acting,” she says. “He was like, I don’t think you’re going to be good at this. So fuck you!”
Welp, I guess Ashton was wrong. January is a stellar star on AMC’s “Mad Men” and has many upcoming movies on the horizon. I’m making a decision, decision made…point January.
In the spirit of recycling, in turn, saving the planet, I have decided to revive an old column I used to write for my college newspaper. The column was titled, “Celebrity Top 3” and I used to share and summarize the top three stories in pop culture that particular week. Brace yourself! Below are the top three stories of the week.
Does Jesus vote for American Idols too?
Season ten of “American Idol” is now complete and America has picked a winner…Scotty McCreery. Our new idol received tips and tricks from a mostly new panel of judges. Seasoned judge Randy Jackson and new additions to the panel, which included Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez (Jenny from the Block), offered up advice and guidance to the final two contestants.
In the end, McCreery beat out Haley Reinhart. “I’ve got to thank the Lord first; he got me here,” McCreery said. My personal opinion, we found the American Idol. Yes, her name is Kelly Clarkson. Look for her new album dropping this fall!
Finally our justice system has tamed the most dangerous criminal known to man and woman (social justice)…Lindsay Lohan. It all stemmed from an incident at a jewelry store this past January. The “Mean Girls” star was originally sentenced to 120 days in an actual jail cell. Because of overcrowding in the prison system, Lohan will only serve 20% of her sentence or 14 days under house arrest.
She will be wearing a new piece of jewelry though, a nice new electronic ankle bracelet. Lohan had until June 17 to begin her sentence, but she honorably turned herself in early. Will this house arrest produce and new and improved Lohan? Let’s be real. I miss the days she was hanging out with Britney and Paris.
So is Gayle taking over?
An era has ended. After 25 years, the Oprah Winfrey Show has completed its run. In true Oprah style, she went out with a bang. The finale week was filled with memories, laughs, tears, and celebrities! Some of Oprah’s final words to her fans during her sign off were, “I won’t say goodbye, I’ll just say until we meet again.”
If there are some words you need to share with Oprah, don’t worry she left her email address behind. You can catch her at Oprah@Oprah.com. My next question is, will the next show to fill Oprah’s time slot be called “The Gayle Show?”
Keep an eye out for the top three celebrity stories of the week here, every Thursday! I am looking forward to sharing celebrity and pop culture stories in the future!