Topless Tuesday

By now you should know that Tuesdays are officially Topless…I even wrote an official memo, licked a stamp and sent it to the President. Still waiting to hear back Barack…

Anywho…without further ado.

Clive Owen

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This past weekend my roommates and I watched the movie “Duplicity,” starring Julia Roberts and the handsome, handsome Clive Owen. Since the actor whips his shirt off many times during the two-hour film, I decided to share the wealth and post this topless beauty on my blog!

Even though Clive is a tad older than me…23 years older to be exact…I’m not ashamed to admit that I would do questionable things if I was ever in his orbit. Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t either…he’s from the UK for Christ’s sakes. Accents get most, if not all, women every damn time…that’s one of the four things I have learned from reading Cosmo month after month.

Clive’s career began with television roles and on the stage. Being in the acting game since 1987, it wasn’t until 1991 when Clive really turned heads with the film “Close My Eyes.” The film portrayed a brother and sister who were having a love affair. If that’s not a head turner…wait till you hear this gem! Clive did a full-frontal nude scene for the film…yea, that would turn my head too.

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Mr. Owen has been in many films, TV shows and stage productions, but I want to highlight my favise Clive film to date…”Derailed.” This was my first Clive experience and besides starring Jennifer “prettier than Angelina” Aniston, this film is the definition of the term mind blow. Since I don’t want to spill the beans, I won’t go into the plot at all, but after you see the film you will be derailed along with Clive and Jennifer.

Sadly, Clive has a wife in real life…her name is Sarah-Jane Fenton and they have been married since 1995. If that isn’t bad enough, the couple has two daughters…Hannah and Eve.

Guess there is no hope for this bitch, but if “Derailed” tells me anything…

Clive – Call a lady!

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A Night on the Existential Town….

Have you ever been all ready to go out for a night on the town – like all ready, including hair, shoes and leggings then it starts to pour? Well that would pretty much summarize tonight, when the skies over the city of brotherly love opened up and ruined the evening. So what are two, classy, fun and hydrophobic girls to do? How about a movie night…

1. ‘The Wedding Planner’

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All girls love this movie. And if men could sit through the opening Barbie scene, I’m pretty sure they would love it too. One of the original J.Lo films…this is her first introduction to the world of the romantic comedy. Lets hope she goes back to her roots in her upcoming motion picture “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”

2. ‘8 Mile’

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In an effort to connect with my inner unemployed, down and out, young white male rapper from Detroit, “8 Mile” offers a look into Mr. Mathers’ life. To balance out the romantic stylings of J.Lo in the previous section, “8 Mile” offers the street cred and Oscar victories that a night like this demands.

3. ‘Young Adult’

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The night is still young, and we just cracked open the Netflix. We’ll keep you posted on how this third addition to the film collection pans out.

Talk soon,

Alison the Professor

Warm Fuzzies

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I am about to bestow upon you a gift so wonderful you will never have the heart to be mad at me…ever…even if I make fun of Taylor Swift.

First off, I need to properly define the term “warm fuzzies” for those who are unfamiliar. According to, “warm fuzzies” means “The warm, pleasant sensations one feels in the stomach and heart area when emotionally moved by an act of goodwill or love.”

As you can probably surmise from that definition, this post is obviously about cute animals…more specifically a precious chimpanzee named Oscar!

“Chimpanzee” is a documentary that tells the tale of Oscar, a 3-year-old chimpanzee who is growing up in the jungle. He is living the curious life, exploring and playing with his siblings and eating tree branches. But in a sad turn of events, Oscar is abandoned by his family and left to fend for himself.

Okay…hold onto your pants because I’m about to rage out. LOOK AT THAT FACE…HOW COULD YOU ABANDON HIM?

Now before you start worrying…one day a grown up chimp runs into Oscar and adopts him…what a relief. “Chimpanzee” tells the tale of this bond and will 100% make you cry. How do I know this? I cried during the trailer.

“Chimpanzee” hits theaters April 20, 2012. Make sure you celebrate Earth Day with Oscar <3

Memorable Dance Offs

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Hi, my name is Kari and I want to be a part of a dance off.

I believe what sparked my love for the dance off was when I witnessed Julia Stiles dominate in “Save the Last Dance.” This is long overdue, but must be said…Thank you Julia for giving me the confidence to back that ass up.

Whether it be at a bar, in the middle of the street or any flat surface, I want to be involved and I bet you do too. Below are some of my favise dance offs.

‘White Chicks’

Leave it to the Wayans brothers to pull off an amazing dance off scene. “White Chicks” stars the brothers as two FBI agents who impersonate ladies in order to solve a case. You’re probably thinking how ridiculous that sounds…but I pinky swear…this movie is

P.S. keep an eye out for Busy Philipps and Jennifer Carpenter.

If you didn’t think the Wayans brothers were going to win…slap yourself in the face.

‘Lose My Breath’ – Destiny’s Child

It’s classy Beyoncé vs. gangster Beyoncé. First of all, can there even be a winner in this scenario? Second of all, why are you still reading this and not watching the video?

When I dream about dance offs, this is exactly how I picture them. In the Destiny’s Child scenario, I would probably take on the role of Michelle. I already rock a white jumpsuit every Thursday…gotta be on point for my ethics class. You dig it?

Britney Spears vs. Austin Powers

It’s Britney Spears!

While many harass and harangue Britney for her singing abilities…you can’t take away the fact that this bitch can dance and look good while doing it.

Sadly, this round goes to Austin. I do have one question though…how do I get bullets to shoot out of my breasts?

J.Lo vs. Tom Cruise

He is really making Katie Holmes proud with this one. Even though I do not endorse Tom Cruise at all…he does have some appeal when he embodies Les Grossman.

I deem J.Lo the winner…she is from da Bronx after all.

Catch you on the flip side.

Topless Tuesday

This past Saturday, I did not make my way out to the bar to hunt for a husband. Instead I stayed home and watched a Lifetime movie…typical. One of the reasons I love Lifetime is because they make movies based on real events. For example: “Amanda Knox: Murder on Trial in Italy” and “The Bling Ring.”

The movie I recently watched was “Drew Peterson: Untouchable.” Watching this film reminded me of my anger and I am once again severely appalled that these women let Peterson (creepfest) reel them in! Another thought, I wonder if Drew Peterson actually told his neighbor…”I’m untouchable, bitch.”

Anywho the actor who played Peterson is my Topless Tuesday champion for this week…

Rob Lowe

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Ohh Rob <3 This gentleman has had quite a career spanning back to 1979. I’m getting ahead of myself…let me tap the breaks here.

On March 17, 1964 Robert Helper Lowe was birthed in Charlottesville, VA. Side note: when Rob was an infant he caught a virus that left him deaf in his right ear.

Rob attended Santa Monica High School…some of his schoolmates included Emilio Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Sean Penn, and Robert Downey, Jr…no big deal.

While Rob has had many, many roles, I only want to highlight a few (or we would be here for 17 days).

Mr. Lowe’s breakout role was in “The Outsiders.” Next on the docket, the classics: “St. Elmo’s Fire,” “Wayne’s World” and “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery.”

Rob Lowe is also a fan of the small screen. Starting in 1999, Rob played Sam Seaborn on “The West Wing” and after much controversy Rob left the series early. Side note: Rob passed on the role of Dr. Derek Shepherd on “Grey’s Anatomy!” Let me tell you…if Rob was on that show, I’d still be watching it.

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In 2006, Rob took on the guest role of Robert McCallister on “Brother’s & Sisters.” His special guest role lasted until the 4th season. Spoiler Alert! They killed him off the show…how rude. Currently, Rob is taking on the hilarious role of Chris Traeger on “Parks and Recreation.”

Remember back in the day when Rob was out of control? I do and there is one movie of Rob’s that I didn’t mention yet…his sex tape! Way back when in 1998…more specifically the night before the Democratic National Convention…Rob and two ladies made a sex tape. While these tapes are common in Hollywood, Rob’s cause such an uproar because one of the girls was 16! That’s a no-no.

While his wild ways (which included some painkillers) did put some huge dents into his career, Rob has since bounced back and seems to be doing great! I love a good comeback story. These days Rob is spending time with his wife (ugh), two kids and making moves in Hollywood.

Rob – I have added the phrase “I’m untouchable, bitch” to my vocabulary. Thank you for that. P.S. keep doing Lifetime movies…preferably with your shirt off <3

Topless Tuesday

This morning I was awoken by my roommate at approximately 8:46 a.m. This event made me confused and scared. After I overcame my emotions, it was time to make the important decision about a Topless Tuesday champion. That same roommate put me in a headlock and forced me to write about “the love of her life…”

Tom Hardy

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If you haven’t seen or heard of Tom Hardy before, you need to get your eyes checked because he is everywhere these days. I first noticed Edward Thomas Hardy in a little movie called “Inception” with Leo DiCaprio <3

Born Sept. 15, 1977, this 34-year-old gentleman hails from London, England, more specifically Hammersmith. He also comes with a wonderful accent…sigh.

A younger version of Mr. Hardy studied drama at the Richmond Drama School and Drama Centre London…with a penchant for war dramas.

As you can probably tell, Tom Hardy doesn’t play any games with his career. His first major acting role was on the HBO miniseries “Band of Brothers” playing Pfc. John Janovec.

As for his first major film role, Tom played Spc. Lance Twombly in “Black Hawk Down” with Josh Hartnett…remember him?  2001 seemed to be a pretty good year for Tom and anyone who laid their eyes on him.

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Throughout the years, Tom has starred in tons of TV miniseries/films…including “Sweeney Todd,” “Oliver Twist” and “Wuthering Heights.” Got to love a man who appreciates the classics.

It wasn’t until 2010 that Tom really struck gold. He was cast as Eames in “Inception” and that movie was a big damn deal. Ever since his role in “Inception,” Mr. Hardy has been doing great things. He was cast in “Warrior” which was basically about two brothers who beat the living daylights out of eachother…yes I saw it theaters…worth it.

Funny story about that trip to the movies. I was the last person in the row with a few open seats next to me. As the movie went on, an 87-year-old gentleman kept creeping closer and closer to me…at least I know I still got it and I never ran so fast in my entire life.

After “Warrior” was released, Tom appears in the British spy (and confusing as hell) film “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.” Up next for Tom is a slightly evil role in a film that no one has probably heard of…”The Dark Night Rises.”

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Even though Tom has a busy schedule, that doesn’t stop him from Snookin’ for Love. From 1999 until 2004, Tom was married to a woman named Sarah Ward. In 2008, Tom and then girlfriend Rachael Speed popped out a son, Louis. Currently, Tom is engaged to Charlotte Riley.

A surprising fact I learned about Tom in my intense research was that he was in rehab for alcoholism and a crack cocaine addiction! Shocking, right? Don’t worry though, Tom has been clean and sober since 2003. Point Tom.

Tom Hardy – My roommate screams your name in her sleep. Please contact me and I will give you her pager number…yes I said pager. My other roommates and the cats are tired of being woken in the middle of the night to the phrase “The love of my life…Tom Hardy.”

Upcoming Films I Must See in Theatres

With my Xmas break really kicking into gear, I have a boatload of time on my hands. I have many activities planned, such as:

  • Spending time wandering around beautiful Scranton, PA with my beautiful mom
  • Watching every Alec Baldwin movie available on Netflix
  • Learning to read then reading a book or two
  • Actively staying out of the stores to avoid panic attacks and crazy shoppers

Along with all these wonderful activities to pass the time, I am hoping to see some quality movies. While some of these films do not come out during break, I feel it is my duty to share them with you. I’m aiming to pay the matinée price because a girl has to cut costs somewhere, right?

‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ – May 11, 2012

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A friend of mine sent this movie trailer to me and I made the decision that this is a must see.

Based on the book, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel, the film follows five couples and the “joys” of being pregnant.

Not that I know, but are there really joys to being pregnant? Has anyone seen “Teen Mom” on MTV? All you need to watch is the first 4.7 minutes of that damn show and you will see there are no joys involved.

I digress. “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” stars a bunch of stars including, but not limited to:

  • J.Lo (Jenny from da Block)
  • Wendi McLendon-Covey (the blonde cop from “Reno 911”)
  • Cameron Diaz (should have married Timberlake)
  • Matthew Morrison (love his haircut)
  • Rebel Wilson (the lady roommate in “Bridesmaids” that got the free tattoo)
  • Dennis Quaid (DILF)
  • Anna Kendrick (“TWILIGHT”)
  • Chace Crawford (Gossip Guy)

Favise quotes from trailer: “Last week, my kid ate a cigarette.” and “I was breast-fed myself until I was six and look how good I turned out.”

Why should you go see this with me: With an all-star cast and the hilariousness that all these pregnant women will be bringing to the table, I just know I will be giggling in the theatre and all the way home. I just hope there are no violent birth scenes and/or surprises like there was in “Knocked Up.” Still scarred Katherine Heigl, still scarred.

Another reason…Cameron Diaz is pregnant (in the film) and she still looks better than me. Damn you.

Stay tuned for more movies!

Topless Tuesday

Yes. The day we have all been waiting for…Topless Tuesday. I have put a lot of thought into this post. After surfing the interweb for a topless man and Googling the keywords “Men without tops on,” I have finally settled on a fine young gentleman.

Drumroll please…

Henry Cavill

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Now I must say, I was not aware of this beauty until I saw a preview for “The Immortals.” I actually stopped mid-sentence and stared at him…without blinking. I think my roommates thought I turned my brain off for the evening…until they saw what I was staring at.

Now this movie looks like the exact opposite of what I would typically put in the “I have to go see this movie right now” category. But because Henry is (what looks like) topless for most of the film, it is my duty to my loyal readers to go see the film and confirm.

While I know the film was released on 11-11-11, I have been a tad busy figuring out how to meet my spiritual goddess, Britney. I promise I will go see it ASAP and report back!

Anywho, back to Henry…born May 5, 1983 in Jersey (not the Shore) Channel Islands, he has been acting since 2001. Below are some of the British beauty’s better-known

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  • The Count of Monte Cristo
  • Tristan & Isolde
  • Red Riding Hood
  • The Tudors

But the really, really big film is “Man of Steel” where he will take on the role of Superman/Clark Kent. Personally I would rather Clark Kent as compared to Superman. Why you ask? I really like the glasses Clark rocks and I think it would be difficult to date a dude who looks better in spandex than I do.

I did read a piece of bad news about Henry though. He is engaged to a girl who rides horses for a living. No, I’m not playing games with your heart. The lucky bitch’s name is Ellen Whitaker and she’s into show jumping. Blah.

Henry – If you ever need help taking your shirt off…call me. My schedule is always clear for you boo.

Remember When…

Christina Ricci was a child actress?

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Since my roommates outvoted me on what television show we watched on Sunday evening, I had to sit through ABC’s new drama, “Pan Am.” I was slightly against this show for the demeaning to women undertones, but I won’t jump into that pool during this post.

Christina Ricci plays Maggie, one of the show’s main characters. While it’s hard to describe her character so early on, she seems to be playing a fun, upbeat girl who likes to break the rules. Tonight I learned that the Pan Am airline would suspend a stewardess if they weren’t wearing a girdle…how lovely.

Christina was born in February 12, 1980 in Santa Monica, California. This young lady was discovered at 8-years-old during a school play…“The Twelve Days of Christmas.” The story behind this role goes as follows: Christina was in competition for the role with another kid. According to a “New York Magazine” article, “Ricci taunted her rival so much that he socked her. When she tattled, he lost the part. “I’ve always been a really ambitious person,” she says. “I guess that’s the first time it really reared its ugly head.” You know your a boss when…

When I saw Christina’s familiar face on TV last evening, it felt like I was seeing an old friend. She has been on the big screen since 1990 and even though she has been on other TV shows and movies the past couple of years, I felt like I haven’t seen her in ages. I think it’s time to explore some favises Christina Ricci films!


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While Christina started out doing commercial work, she hit the jackpot in 1990 when she won the role of Kate Flax in “Mermaids.” As a reminder, “Mermaids” starred the second coming…Cher.

This film tells the story of Mrs. Flax (Cher) and her two daughters Kate (Christina Ricci) and Charlotte (Winona Ryder). Mrs. Flax loves men and sleeping with them. Charlotte, who is 15-years-old in the movie, wants to become a nun until she meets a sexy/quiet older gentleman who is the groundskeeper of the local church.

Kate is focused on becoming a swimmer…that’s pretty much all that they give her in this film.

Why the title? Cher dresses up as a mermaid for Halloween in the film. With a budget of $24 million, “Mermaids pulled in $35,419,397. Point Christina.

This music video from the film gives you all the highlights:

Christina – please share any piece of life advice that Cher bestowed unto you. I’m pretty sure that woman holds all the secrets of the universe.

Stay tuned for more classic Ricci films!

Dear *Fill in Celebrity Name Here*

Dear Reese Witherspoon,

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How are you? I am fine. I just heard some horrifying news…that you were hit by a car while working on your fitness! My heart stopped for about 3.7 seconds. It started pumping again when I read that you only received minor injuries, none of which were life-threatening. Phew, we dodged that bullet!

TMZ is reporting that you were crossing the street and an 84-year-old woman failed to stop and hit you with her damn car (probably a Cadillac)! According to TMZ, “The driver was cited for failure to yield to a pedestrian and released.” That’s it?! Do they know that Reese is a national treasure?

Reese – I’m going to write a strongly worded letter to your local mayor, Richard Bloom. I’m so upset that I actually took the time to look up who your mayor was!

While I have your attention, I might as well write a few things that I’ve been dying to tell you for the past 6 years. Now I know this is a sensitive topic, but I just want you to know how much I respected you after I read the pickup line you used to scoop Ryan Phillippe.

For those that don’t know, at Reese’s 21st birthday party, she said to her future husband, “I think you’re my birthday present.” From now on, I will say that to every man in my line of sight until one proposes. The old “did it hurt when you fell from heaven” one isn’t cutting it these days.

Out of all your films, even that one you scored an Academy Award for, I’ve always loved “Pleasantville.” You said some pretty hilarious things and made it seem ok to take on the slut role in high school (not that I did, of course). Some of my favises quotes from that film include:

  • “I knew you’d pay a price for this. I knew you couldn’t be so hopelessly geek-ridden for so long without suffering some really tragic consequences.”
  • “I was thinking of wearing that red thing… it’s not slutty!… it’s fun.”
  • [looking at boobs in mirror] “I could, like, kill a guy with these things.”

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There is one final thing I would like to share with you, Reese. I thoroughly enjoyed your acceptance speech after winning the Generation Award at last year’s MTV movie awards. You know a speech is going to be epic when you start out by saying “Oh my God” and when the word “motherf*cker” is thrown in there.

To top it all off, you gave us ladies the best life lesson: “When I came up in this business, if you made a sex tape you were embarrassed and you hid it under your bed and if you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face, people!” Point noted.

So Reese, thank you for being you. You are a national treasure. I will be sending some flowers your way. Get well soon

Love always – Kari

P.S. I apologize for not being able to make it to your wedding to Jim Toth, I was busy following Britney Spears around without her catching me again.


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