Slapped with the obvious stick

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Ever since her split with husband number one, Kim Kardashian has decided to stay mum on any potential/budding relationships.

While this sounds like a good philosophy to live by, Kim K isn’t doing so well at keeping her private life…private.

As you know, Kim has been seen prancing all over NYC with rapper Kanye West. Obviously rumors have been swirling that these two are a couple. Kim and Kanye have given us a variety of reasons for that conclusion:

  • The pair has had multiple slumber parties that end with Kim doing the walk of shame the next morning
  • Kanye laid out his feelings for the reality TV star/business woman on a new track titled, “Thera flu” where he states, “And I’ll admit, I fell in love with Kim/‘Round the same time she had fell in love wit’ him/Well, that’s cool, baby girl, do ya thing/Lucky I ain’t have Jay drop ‘im from the team”
  • This past weekend West had dinner with the overwhelmingly large Kardashian family

While all that stuff can be deemed innocent, Kim really did a number today. She was spotted wearing earrings that contain the initials KW. I wonder who/what that could mean?

It seems that Kim isn’t really good at keeping Kanye a secret. But really, could anyone actually tame Kanye?

Wishes and Dreams for the New Year

With the New Year starting today, I thought it would be fun to share my wishes and dreams that I have for my favise celebrities in 2012.

If I happen to predict something right, I hope that I will receive a very big check and/or a sweet office job from People Magazine or TMZ, either one will do.

Kim Kardashian will find her Prince Charming

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I don’t know if you heard, but Kim Kardashian wed New Jersey Nets player Kris Humphries on Aug. 20, 2011. 72 days later, Kim K filed for divorce…sad face. There has been much speculation that this wedding was a PR move, it was a TV marriage, Kim did it for the publicity, etc.

After thinking about this for quite some time, I have made a decision…decision made. I think Kim married Kris because she thought he was “the one.” Let’s be real, if Humphries talked to me for longer than a minute, I would have thought he was “the one” too. And in that minute time span, I would’ve climb him like a tree.

Anywho, I’ve been watching the Kardashian’s reality show from the very beginning and Kim has been saying for years that she just wants to find her husband, be married and have kids. I feel her pain…don’t we all want to find our lid?

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I better explain that reference. Have you ever said something to the effect of “Wow, I can’t believe she/he is married?” I know I have and in response to that my mom has always said, “Kari, there is a lid for every pot.” So wise and true.

My hope for this year is that Kim finds her the pot to her lid and lives happily ever after…while E! catches all of the happiness on film of course! If the Kardashians go off the air, what will I do on Sunday nights? I don’t need another free night to drink gin…Friday and Saturday usually take care of that habit.

Kim – I think Reggie is still available…hint, hint. P.S. did you know he was traded to the Miami Dolphins?! Still can’t believe that one.

Stay tuned for more of my wishes and dreams for 2012!

Merry Xmas – Love the Kardashians

Kim Kardashian posted her family’s Xmas card on her website today. Not only is it glamorous, but it’s in 3-D. Nope, not kidding.

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Even though it is a tad over the top, I kinda like it. I’m just imagining where they would have put Kris Humpy if Kim didn’t kick his ass to the curb after 72 days. Yep, still talking about it. Kris Humpy would have to probably be in the back…since Mason has the spot next to Kim…and no one puts Mason in the corner.

One issue I have with this photo: I don’t understand why Kris Jenner gets to wear the aqua green while everyone is wearing shades of black. Is it because she is the momager and controls the checkbook? Hmmm.

Maybe Kris Jenner trying to embody Lil’ Kim! Since I am making a dated Lil’ Kim reference, I shall explain. In the classical song “How Many Licks” Lil’ Kim states: “You like how I look in the aqua green?” Just throwing it out there.

Anywho, I have to say I’m having trouble deciding who is the best looking male in the photograph. I’m going to have to go with…Bruce <3.

Topless Tuesday

Tuesdays are typically pretty boring days. You are nowhere near the weekend so having the option of going topless on a Tuesday is quite refreshing.

This week I have decided to spotlight a gentleman that I thought I was going to have a run-in with this past week. Let me give you some background.

My roommate and I traveled to NOLA (for the record, I was not kicked off the airplane). For the uncool people out there, NOLA stands for New Orleans, Louisiana. P.S. I just found that out at the airport.

Anywho, one of my missions in NOLA was to locate, get a picture with and potentially marry a certain Saints player. That player is the star of this week’s Topless Tuesday post…

Reggie Bush

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Yes, the former (and hopefully soon to be again) Mr. Kim Kardashian should be topless every Tuesday! It doesn’t matter to me what scandals he has been involved with. What’s a Heisman Trophy anyways? And where would you even keep that?

Anywho, I scoured the streets of New Orleans for Reggie. I looked for him at the airport, in the ladies lounge, on Burbon St., in the Hustler Club and even knocked on every door on the 12th floor of the hotel I was staying in. Alas, no Reggie. He must have been playing ultimate hide and seek and did not notify me of this change.

I thought I was defeated until I learned a piece of information that changed everything.

Spoiler Alert: Reggie does not play for the Saints anymore! Did you just scream “WTF?” Because I did when I heard this news. Apparently Reggie plays for the Miami Dolphins now. I just can’t see Reggie rocking that white jersey…Ugh.

Regardless of such upsetting news, I chose Reggie as this week’s Topless Tuesday winner for a few reasons:

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  • He won a Super Bowl
  • He is the man of Kim’s dreams. Remember when they broke up and Reggie dated that girl from the Old Navy commercials that was Kim’s twin? That’s a man in love right there.
  • The Kardashian sisters already have a slogan to go along with Reggie’s name…Bush in the Tush!

I think the real reason why I chose Reggie as my Topless Tuesday beauty is because the football player starred in a Got Milk ad. While he wasn’t topless, he still looked like heaven. This ad showed me that Reggie could win a Super Bowl, still look good and balance a glass a milk all at the same time.

Reggie – Next vacation I will be headed to Miami. Will Smith told me it’s a place where “everyday like a Mardi gras everybody party all day.” No wonder you moved there!

Special Report: Kar-Hump no more

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Well I can’t say I’m surprised, but I am a little sad for Kim. If you have been slumbering under a rock all day, I’ll remind you what the hell has been going on.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are donezo. After 72 days of being husband and wife…Kim has filed for divorce. o0o0o burn.

Rumors turned to fact when Kim released a statement regarding her soon-to-be ex-husband:

“After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage,” she said. “I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best.”

What is interesting about this scenario is the fact Kris doesn’t want to remove his claws from Kim K. Mr. Humpy released a statement exclaiming, “I love my wife and am devastated to learn she filed for divorce.” “I’m committed to this marriage and everything this covenant represents,” he added. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.”

I can see why Kris is “willing to do whatever it take.” My Humpy’s estimated worth is $8 million, while his wifey is worth an estimated $35 million. Dum, dum, dummmm.

I wonder what the final straw was for Kim. Was it the fact the Kris still wanted his dogs to sleep in bed with him and Kim?

Kim – if all else fails…sic Khloe on Humpy. She will have no problem beating his ass.

Side note: I wonder what Scott thinks of all this? Hopefully he is laughing his pants off.

Celebrity Top 3

Kat & Jesse sitting in a tree…again

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Welp that didn’t last long. About a month ago, it was announced that Kat Von D and Jesse James (cough…life ruiner…cough) have called off their engagement. Well yesterday was quite a day for our tattooed beauty queen. First, news broke that TLC decided to cancel D’s show “L.A. Ink.”

In an interesting turn of events, apparently Kat Von D announced that she decided not to film “L.A. Ink” anymore before TLC decided to ax the show. According to “US Weekly,” ‘I love how me deciding not to continue doing LA Ink turns into [the show] being ‘cancelled,’ she tweeted “Thanks, TLC. Regardless of everything, I remain grateful.”

While this announcement put Von D back in the news, she also dragged ex Jesse James back into the limelight when the couple announced that the engagement is back on! Since it was allegedly the long-distance relationship that was a cause of the split, guess that’s not an issue anymore! (coinkydink?)

“Sometimes you are only given one chance in life,” Jesse told People. “It was up to me to open my eyes and see it. That girl is my chance. I will never stop fighting and striving to hold on to her. Showing her how special she is, and how much I love her.” Isn’t that sweet.

Mr. & Mrs. Kim Kardashian

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If you haven’t heard because you have been living under a rock, taken up coal mining or your iPad is in the shop; Kim Kardashian is getting hitched tomorrow! It’s a pretty huge deal… we all know how long she’s been waiting for this precious day to arrive. I think Jesus really must be a fan of “Keeping up with the Kardashians” because he’s giving Kim a husband whose name is Kris with a K! He should have no trouble fitting in with the fam.

As expected, the wedding festivities have already begun. Last night the beautiful couple and 75 of their closest friends and family attended a rehearsal dinner at Scarpetta in Beverly Hills. The entire K-dash clan was in attendance, even Rob <3 wearing very expensive red sweat pants (Gasp!). Overall, Kim had a good evening. She let all of us know how great her night was via Twitter: “What a fun night w family & friends! Now I’m sleeping in late tomorrow!”

While there is extreme security measures lined up for tomorrow, that hasn’t stopped the media from heading over to the mansion where the nuptials will take place. I might even pack my mini camera and head over myself…call me if you’re in attendance. If I don’t creep my way past security, I’m sure Ryan Seacrest will compile 24-hours worth of footage. I see a E! special titled,  “Finally…Kim is married.” Good luck to the happy couple, see you on the honeymoon.

Mile High Club reject

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Okay, I completely understand when you have to pee and your choices are limited. Typically people pee in back alleys or the woods, but Gérard Depardieu really set the bar up high for those that like to pee in public. He tried to get away with peeing on a plane and not in the B-room. Just to recap: according to E! Online, “Depardieu relieved himself on the carpet after his flight was delayed on Wednesday and the flight crew denied him entry to one of the restrooms.” Grossy.

While Gérard hasn’t made a public statement yet, his friend is doing the dirty work. Edouard Baer, who was on the plane as well offered up an explanation. From a statement translated by BBC, Bear stated “Gerard was upset at this and offered to clean up the mess, He has prostate problems and it was very worrying and humiliating for him. He was also stone-cold sober at the time. This is not the way he usually behaves.”

Alright, I have a few things to say. Traveling is stressful enough; I don’t need someone next to me peeing! This would have caused me to experience the most epic rage blackout in the history of rage blackouts. There is also a apparatus called a catheter. You can Google it.

I also think that he will forever be banned from reaping the benefits of the Mile High Club (I would be so mad if I was him). I hear such benefits of being a card-carrying member include spending time in a nice lounge that is located at the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton International Airport.

That is all.

Hey! Where was my invite?

With the upcoming Kardashian-Humphries nuptials on the horizon, it got me thinking about all the celebrity wedding invitations that were apparently lost in the mail. Here is my list of invitations that I wish the postal service didn’t lose (because I’m 100% sure I was invited).

Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom

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September 27th has become a national holiday in my home. It is the day that my favises Kardashian sister got hitched (whoop, whoop) after only a month of dating! Dreams do come true. The world thought that Kim was going to be the first to get married and we all know how badly she wanted some man, any man to put a ring on it.

While it wasn’t looking good for Kim, the spotlight fell on older sis Kourtney. From what we have seen on “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” I sure hope Kourtney doesn’t tie that knot. I will even go as far as hoofing it to the nearest church and lighting a candle for her. So the point goes to Khloe! Since E! documents every sneeze that the K-Dash sisters emit, we had to expect a Khloe & Lamar wedding special…a 2-hour special as a matter of fact.

Why I’m angry my invite was lost in the mail:

  • All of the Kardashians were in the same area – including Rob. <3
  • A bunch of other celebs were in attendance, including Chelsea Handler, Kobe Bryant and Kelly Osbourne. I could have done some serious networking.
  • There was a Hollywood nightclub-theme reception that Babyface sang at!

Mr. & Mrs. Hova

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April 4, 2008 – the union to end all unions occurred. After 6 years of being bf & gf, Jay-Z liked it and finally put a ring on it! With about 40 guests in attendance, this was one event that I wish I knew about. I only needed a two hour notice, the ceremony was a stones throw away in New York!

I should have seen the clues. The day of the wedding there was a tent erected on the roof of Jay-Z’s penthouse, around 60,000 orchid blooms were delivered and DJ Cassidy even spilled some of the beans. According to, “Cassidy mentioned a week ago that he was really excited for Jay Z and Beyoncé’s wedding party to happen, said another source.” Dammit.

Why I’m angry my invite was lost in the mail:

  • All three Destiny’s Child members were in attendance. I bet they sang “Independent Women Part I.” Side note, I’m still waiting for my acceptance letter to Charlie’s Angels Boot Camp.
  • I could have made the Hova symbol all evening without being judged or kicked out.
  • It’s always a wonderful site when Jay-Z straps on a tux.

Britney Spears & Jason Alexander

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Let’s be real, I had to include it! While I felt that many believed that this was the start of her downward spiral, I will have to disagree. I am convinced the spiral began when B. Spears and he who shall not be named broke up (hint…lead singer of boy band ‘N Sync). But that is neither here, nor there.

Anywho, January 3, 2004 the Little White Wedding Chapel on the Vegas Strip received a gift from above. Britney Spears and childhood friend, Jason Alexander busted in and got hitched. Don’t worry, the newlyweds scooped up a marriage license at the Clark County Marriage Bureau for $55.

Dear Jamie Spears, since you weren’t available to walk Brit down the aisle, a hotel bellman hopped in your place. No big deal. Britney’s wedding attire included a classy baseball hat, belly shirt and jeans. After the ceremony, a night full of sin ensued. Sadly, 55 hours later the marriage was annulled…boo.

Why I’m angry my invite was lost in the mail:

  • Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to have witnessed this?
  • The wedding cost a grand total of $200, which included photos, a bouquet and video. That’s a steal compared the what K-Fed cost her.
  • The marriage took place at 5:30 a.m. That’s the best part of a night on the town!

Britney – I would have given my left arm to have been present at this wedding. Next time, call me girl. I know you have my digits, I’ve sent them to you a handful of times.


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