Celeb couples I’d want to adopt me…part III

For my final installation of celebrity couples that I’d want to be adopted by, I have chosen a couple that (I feel) many wouldn’t normally choose. I think a large majority would actually run in the opposite direction of this famed pair. Well, they wouldn’t be running from the lady of the house, they would be running from the man. I’ll give you a hint…”help me, help you.”

Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise

Photo Courtesy: judyhalone.com

If you are a regular visitor to this blog, you know that Katie Holmes is one of three people I would take a bullet for. If you are not a regular visitor…shame on you!

Let’s hop into the time machine I bought on eBay and go back to 2005. I remember coming home from catholic school and my mom (Carol <3) told me that she heard Katie Holmes was dating Tom Cruise! I recall my head spinning around.

I thought, “Hey, this will give Katie the boost she needs into the spotlight she deserves.” Little did I know she was going to marry and give birth to his spawn. Ugh.

There is no need to go into the reasons why I think Katie should drop his Scientology-crazed ass…remember when Tom was allegedly administering ultra sounds to a pregnant Katie? I wont even touch the placenta rumor.

Photo Courtesy: chicagoindiepress.com

Let’s get back on track here. The number two reason why I want to be brought into the Cruise/Holmes household would be to witness all the crazy shit that goes on. I would find out the answers to such queries as:

  • Does Katie only eat carrots?
  • Is Suri really Tom’s spawn?
  • Was Tom caught in a compromising position with Matchbox 20 lead singer, Rob Thomas all those years ago?
  • How tall is Tom?

I would also love to get inside those Scientology Centers and raise hell. I would never get in trouble because I would state, “My adopted dad is your fearless leader and personal bank. One plus about being adopted by these two, Suri would make it her personal mission to turn me into a fierce dresser.

If you are wondering what the number one reason is…duh – I want to meet and greet Katie Holmes! Katie – I have loved you pre-Tom and I will love you post-Tom. Get at me.
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Katie Holmes and Slutty Pumpkin now belong in the same sentence

Photo Courtesy: stylenews.peoplestylewatch.com

If you forgot to check your Katie Holmes Google Alert yesterday, let me fill you in on what’s going on in the world of Joey Potter. This classy young lady has nabbed the role of a lifetime! No, I’m not talking about Jackie O…I’m talking about a slutty pumpkin.

If you are a fan of “How I Met Your Mother,” you will know that this character has been six years in the making. If you’re like me and catch a rerun every so often, I’ll let Perez Hilton fill you in. “Way back in the first season, Ted met up with a lady dressed as the girl with conveniently carved holes at a Halloween party. Every year since, he’s waited at the same party, dressed as the same silly thing, hoping the Slutty Pumpkin will resurface into his life.”

Craig Thomas, the creator of the show, made the right decision. Katie is beautiful, talented and has a great sense of humor (Katie – answer my fan mail). Recently, she has been playing serious/scary roles…Remember, she played Jackie O and she was in “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.” Welp, after I saw that movie…I sleep with a can of pepper spray and a baseball bat to keep the monsters away.

Photo Courtesy: people.com

I think playing the role of a slutty pumpkin is just what Katie needs. This role will benefit her in the following ways:

  • It will get her out of the house (away from Tom)
  • Mingle with people her age…get it in
  • Show her range as an actress

Because of this great casting choice, I will make it a point to start watching “How I Met Your Mother.” This show really knows how to pick guest stars…first Britney, now Katie. This is my holy bible of TV shows!

Katie – I want to thank you in advance for inspiring my Halloween costume this year!


If I was stranded on a desert island…Part II

‘Teaching Mrs. Tingle’

Photo Courtesy: delcomag.com

By now the whole world should know, but if not I’m okay with repeating this…Katie Holmes is my favises actress in the whole wide world. So it is vital that I pack one of her groundbreaking films for the island.

This movie debuted in 1999 and tells the tale of a girl and her two friends during their senior year of high school. Katie Holmes takes on the role of Leigh Ann, who’s goal is to become valedictorian in order to obtain a college scholarship (Does this happen in real life?).

Her best friend in the film is Jo Lynn, played by Marisa Coughlan, who is coasting towards graduation then heading off to Hollywood to become a star. Of course a teen comedy/drama needs a male hunk to rally the tweens. Teaching Mrs. Tingle’s hunk – Barry Watson. The “7th Heaven” alumni plays Luke, the badass who is too cool for school.

Enter Mrs. Tingle, played by the fabulous Helen Mirren…kind of shocking that she’s in this, right? She plays the History teacher from hell. Leigh Ann’s valedictorian status is contingent on Tingle’s final grade. Somehow Luke gets a copy of the final exam and Tingle catches them. The students head to Tingle’s house to reason with her and chaos ensues!

I have chosen “Teaching Mrs. Tingle” for a variety of reasons:

Photo Courtesy: delcomag.com

  • This movie was written by the creator of “Dawson’s Creek.” That’s an obvious sign that this movie will be good.
  • In my opinion, this movie successfully brought back the crossbow. Barry Watson accidently shoots an arrow at Helen Mirren…in the movie, not in real life of course!
  • Who hasn’t wanted to kidnap and/or terrorize one of their high school teachers who made their life a living hell?

Favises quote: “A bottle of wine and I’ll be fine.” Isn’t that the truth!

This movie makes me feel young again. “Teaching Mrs. Tingle” really shined among all those high school themed 90s teen movies. I wish real life was like this.

Below is my favises scene. After a night of getting it in, Katie Holmes changes the grades in Tingle’s grade book. If Katie Holmes is going to hell…it will certainly be a party!

I highly recommend watching this movie at any age…Katie Holmes is beautiful as always. This is Katie in her prime…pre Tom (ahh the good old days).


Red leather pants are officially back in style

In case you missed it, Katie Holmes was on Jay Leno last night. She was as classy as ever and she only mentioned Tom less than five times (Point!). Jay even had a movie montage of a few of Katie’s older movies. Yes, I’ve seen them all. Here is a clip of her interview with Jay:

Fun fact: Katie is afraid of and even barks at raccoons. How can you not love her?

Go see her new movie “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.” Suri needs a new pair of shoes!


You’re beautiful – it’s true

Photo Courtesy: allposters.com

In preparation for the Britney Spears concert, I went to the store to pick up some supplies. While in line, I saw the cover of this weeks “Life & Style Weekly,” which contained one of my idols on the cover…Katie Holmes. This week’s cover states “Desperate to be Skinny.”

According to “Life & Style Weekly,” Katie is only consuming “a little more than diet coke and tea.” The magazine is saying her weight is the only thing she can control in her life, since her crazy ass husband controls everything else. Oh and that she’s down to 106 pounds. The Gossip Center posted some pictures of Katie that were taken on July 26th and she looks as wonderful as ever!

Whether or not we should be concerned about Joey Potter’s weight loss is up to your desecration, but let’s get to the real issue at hand…Tom Cruise. Now when these two got together, I thought to myself “This is ok, it will boost Katie into the spotlight she deserves.” Well little did I know she would get impregnated, marry him and stay with him! Ugh.

If Tom is the reason why Katie is dropping this weight, I will have no problem shipping my self UPS overnight to their home and beating him up. Not that I would get within 20 feet of him, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

Katie- I have loved you pre-Tom and will love you post-Tom. Get it together girl!


Remember Whens…

In honor of the fact that my roommates and I have decided to tackle all six glorious seasons of “Dawson’s Creek,” I’ve decided to blog about some fond memories from the creek.

Pacey engaged in a student-teacher relationship

Let’s get serious here. Who didn’t want to get a little closer to one of their teachers in high school, college or whatever other higher educational institution you may have attended.  Ok, maybe it’s just me, but ever since I watched Pacey and Miss Jacobs’ relationship begin and (sadly) end, I have felt the need to find a tall, dark and handsome teacher to tutor me (it’s ok, I’m of age). Since I’m still in the process of meeting my goal, I occasionally look back and take notes on how to successfully obtain a student-teacher relationship. One thing you take away from Pacey and Tamara’s relationship…you don’t talk about it!

Dawson Leery cries…fail

While some Dawson fans may disagree with me, I think this is Dawson Leery’s most noble moment. After making Pacey and Joey suffer for basically an entire season, Dawson finally realizes that Joey is so over him. He finally frees Joey from the Leery State Penitentiary; Joey bolts to Pacey where they happily sail off into the sunset. In the fall, when everyone’s favorite couple returns, we get almost an entire season of these two lovebirds. Too bad Dawson’s only got a couple episodes with Joey.

Spoiler Alert: All roads do not lead back to you Dawson!

There was Joey, Pacey and a campfire…

As for best Joey and Pacey moment, I decided I’m not going with the most obvious choice. The most obvious choice being that time when they were on the senior ski trip where they stayed overnight in  a log cabin.

I chose this scene because I always weep when I watch it and it’s probably when Joey realized she rather be on Team Pacey. I also like the fact that earlier in the episode the pair was caught canoodling by Dawson’s Aunt Gwen and still decide to canoodle for a second time! Side note: Joey, your jean jacket is pretty sweet.


Remember When…

Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah’s Couch

Photo Courtesy theastrologyplace.blogspot.com

If you want to show your significant other how much you love them, would you jump on a couch and proclaim your admiration for your better half on Oprah? Many would say no, but Tom Cruise would say differently.

During this time, Mr. Cruise was on his promotional tour for “Wars of the Worlds” and stopped by Oprah. The movie was trumped by Cruise’s blooming relationship with Katie Holmes.

Tom spent his time with Oprah professing his love for Joey Potter and tossed in the fact that he’s in a new movie. I’d say the shining moment in the interview was when Tom slightly manhandled Katie to get her on stage. Two words: Free Katie!!!!!!

Levi Johnston posed for “Playgirl”

Photo Courtesy huffingtonpost.com

One of our favorite Alaskan residents decided to take it all off but not show it all off (boo).

Levi Johnston decided to extend his fifteen minutes of fame and posed for “Playgirl.” If I do say so myself, it was a very wise choice. I don’t know if it was wise for his career, but it was a wise choice for the sole fact that it increased his lady fan base.

Unfortunately, he didn’t show his Alaskan pistol, but we did get a glimpse of Bristol Palin’s ex-boyfriend. Bristol, we understand and are pretty jealous.

Ashton Kutcher dated January Jones

Photo Courtesy huffingtonpost.com

Before he became Mr. Demi Moore, Ashton dated Miss January Jones. When January landed in Hollywood, Kutcher was the first boyfriend she snagged when she arrived. Needless to say, he wasn’t very supportive of January’s acting career. In “GQ,” January stated that, “The guy I was dating when I first got to L.A. was not supportive of my acting,” she says. “He was like, I don’t think you’re going to be good at this. So fuck you!”

Welp, I guess Ashton was wrong. January is a stellar star on AMC’s “Mad Men” and has many upcoming movies on the horizon. I’m making a decision, decision made…point January.


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