The 5 Stages of a Breakup: Justin Timerberlake

Photo Courtesy: entertainment.ca.msn.com

Photo Courtesy: entertainment.ca.msn.com

There aren’t many topics that make me want to enter a heated debate, but I will argue with anyone on this planet about how Justin Timberlake still loves Britney Spears. Let’s be real, when you wear matching jean outfits in public, that’s eternal love.

If you listen to Justin’s new and old jams, you can clearly hear that he’s not over Britney. I am about to lay out the 5 stages of a breakup and show you in musical form how JT is still coping.

Please note: Some songs may not be in order of release. Everyone deals with grief differently, you know?

1. DenialWhat Goes Around…Comes Around was released around the same time that Britney was splitting up with K-Fed. Coincidence? I think not. I put this jam in the denial slot because even though Brit and JT broke up in 2002, he is still in denial about the fact that she cheated on him. It was a poor choice on her part, but she did apologize.

Justin sings Don’t want to think about it / Don’t want to talk about it / I’m just so sick about it / Can’t believe it’s ending this way. Poor guy.

2. Anger – Ok, we get it…Britney got with another dude, but did you have to find a girl who looks extremely similar to your ex for your music video? You get this one for free, Timberlake.

3. Bargaining – Cheating was a deal breaker for JT and he has definitely held his ground on that front. I give Brit the blame here, she should’ve picked honesty, then she may not have blown it. Please refer to song in stage 2.

4. Depression – Remember when Justin went on a musical hiatus from 2007 until 2012 to focus on his “acting?” He was actually in a dark room covered in Britney posters while drinking heavily. He wrote a song called Drink You Away where he states “I can’t drink you away.” Neither could Britney, boo.

5. Acceptance – Let’s be real, there is no acceptance where Britney is concerned. That flame will never burn out. Since my brain and heart cannot fathom that idea that Mirrors is about Jessica Biel, I will award Britney the point.

As you can see, I clearly have too much time on my hands. #TeamBritney

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Topless Tuesday 2.0

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Hi friends, it’s your favorite professor/Ph.D. student and pop culture junkie. Kari (an awesome roommate for the record) is currently working on her finals project, so I’m taking on the Topless Tuesday responsibilities today.

So let’s get down to it.

Justin Timberlake

When it comes to my personal ‘90s love, no one knows my love like JT. He was always hot, and the rest of *Nsync was just playing backup to his talents.

As he now ponders his engagement to fellow 90s star Jessica Biel (everyone together now… ugh), let’s look back at some of his better moments… like when he’s wearing no shirt.

So lets just let the pics speak for themselves…

Courtesy of big-fashionista.blogspot.com.

Miss Biel, you are one lucky lady, don’t mess it up (because I’m waiting for him to be back on the market again)!


Topless Tuesday…I mean Thursday

Since I have been lacking in my half-naked men duties this week, I have decided to showcase a gentleman that I’ve been saving for a special occasion.

Drumroll please…

Ryan Gosling

Photo Courtesy: hollywooddame.com

Let me start out by saying thank you to Canada. While that may sound weird…just wait…I have a good reason. Canada has produced some wonderfully good-looking men. For example: Drake, Joshua Jackson and the oh-so-beautiful Ryan Thomas Gosling.

Hailing from London, Ontario, Ryan was born Nov. 12, 1980. School was rough for lil Ryan…he was bullied and (if you can imagine) had no friends until he was a teenager : (

Fun fact: After seeing the film “First Blood,” Ryan brought steak knives to school and threw them at his classmates during recess. Obviously, lil Ryan was suspended for that one.

Starting from an early age, Ryan loved to perform . He was even involved in ballet classes which boosted his confidence. So precious.

Ryan got his start in the entertainment business on the “Mickey Mouse Club.” He moved to Orlando for two years and even lived with cast member Justin Timberlake for a period of time.

Photo Courtesy: crushoneveryboy.tumblr.com

After the “Mickey Mouse Club” was cancelled in 1995, Gosling hoofed it back to Canada and continued to take on small roles. Officially dropping out of school at 17 and vowing only to take on serious roles at the age of 19, Ryan really jump started his career. He nabbed a supporting role in “Remember the Titans” and made waves with his performances in “The Believer” and “Murder by Numbers” which co-stared Sandra Bullock.

At this point, Gosling was still under the radar, but a little film released in 2004 titled “The Notebook” got everyone’s attention. I really don’t think I have to elaborate here.

In 2007, Ryan starred in one of my favorite Gos-Gos films…”Lars and the Real Girl.” The movie did horrible at the box office, so bad it didn’t even break-even. I don’t understand this…Ryan’s character dates a sex doll…who wouldn’t pay to see that?

As you should know, Ryan has recently starred in a ton of critically acclaimed films, which included “Blue Valentine,” “Crazy, Stupid, Love,” “Drive” and “The Ides of March.”

Since Gosling isn’t busy enough, he is also one-half of the indie rock group Dead Man’s Bones.

Photo Courtesy: ontheredcarpet.com

Last but not least…Ryan has dated many high-profile Hollywood ladies. Let’s make a list:

  • Sandra Bullock
  • Rachel McAdams (soul mates)
  • Kat Dennings
  • Blake Lively
  • Olivia Wilde
  • Eva Mendes (his current lady)

At this point, Mr. Gosling is showing no signs of slowing down. He has many films on deck and plans to release a second album with his band.

I think he’s hustling for that “Sexiest Man Alive” title that was wrongfully stolen from him…yep still mad about that one!


Valentine’s Day Playlist

As you know, Tuesdays are typically meant to be topless…at least in my habitat. But this particular Tuesday is different. Why you ask? It’s the most dreaded time of year…Valentine’s Day. Dum, dum, dum.

I usually celebrate this holiday by playing bitter songs and heckling couples out my window. That hasn’t gone so well in the past, so I have decided to pour my bitterness onto my blog!

I thought the best way to effectively convey my bitterness was through song. Below are my personal favorite breakup/non demeaning to women songs that are perfect for all those lovers out there.

5. ‘Stronger’ – Britney Spears

Back in the day, Britney seemed more positive about love, but things change. After experiencing the most crushing breakup in the history of breakups and two marriages, Britney has been a card-carrying member of the bitter club since 2006. Out of the many songs my spiritual goddess has recorded, “Stronger” seems like the best jam to put on the Bitter Club soundtrack.

What I have learned from this jam: When you finally break up with that loser, you become stronger than yesterday and can bust out a sweet chair dance.

4. ‘Breakin’ Dishes’ – Rihanna

This song is epic for several reasons: I can get my dance on, I now know if my man is out until 3:30 a.m. I am legally allowed to break his dishes and burn his clothing and I don’t have to stop until I see police lights.

Rihanna – Thank you for this instruction manual.

3. ‘Never Again’ – Kelly Clarkson

What is a bitter countdown without the president of the bitter club…Miss Kelly Clarkson. I think one line in this song can sum it up better than I ever could: “I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green.” O0o0o burn.

What I have learned from Kelly over the years is that bitterness is like a baby, it grows with age.

2. ‘Bye Bye Bye’ – N’Sync

Since it’s only fair I give my male fans a jam to jam out to, I have chosen an oldie but a goodie. Yes, I’m bringing it all the way back to when Justin Timberlake had the fro…his best days <3

Hopefully, Justin will take his own advice and say bye, bye, bye to Jessica Biel…oops, can’t say that.

1. ‘Independent Women’ – Destiny’s Child

This song provides us ladies a very important lesson. If you can’t figure it out after watching the video…I’m afraid all hope is lost for you.

Happy Valentine’s Day…Take that Cupid.


Remember When…

Photo Courtesy: snarkfood.com

I guess it’s about time I address the Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel engagement. Yes, it’s true…Justin’s grandma spilled the beans. Let me first say that I am not happy about this for a few reasons:

  1. I’m not a fan of Jessica Biel and her workout regimen. I mean what woman could look that jacked. She could snap Timberlake in half.
  2. Justin didn’t write any songs for her. All of his angry songs are for Britney and that one about marriage was for Cameron Diaz!
  3. They broke up and reunited…doesn’t seem legit to me.
  4. Justin has now been spotted with a full beard. He’s already letting himself go.
  5. Jessica Biel is not Britney. Sorry Jessica but I don’t recall you and Justin wearing matching denim outfits to an award show.

Okay, that’s more than a few. It seems I am more upset about this than I thought. Since I am forced to live with this news, (in the words of Hilary Duff) let’s go back, back to the beginning.

Remember When…Jessica Biel was the daughter of a pastor?

Photo Courtesy: buddytv.com

Back when I was a teenager, The WB network was where it was at. They had so many good shows including: “Dawson’s Creek” (the best), “Roswell,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “7th Heaven” (blah).

Of course, the one show that Jessica Biel is known for, I disliked the most. I mean who wanted to see kids make bad decisions and then have a religious/family moment at the end? Not real life.

If you didn’t watch “7th Heaven,” I’ll give you a little summary:

Reverend Camden is a Protestant minister who is super serious about doing good and being good. Reverend Camden and his wife Annie have seven children! The show follows the family through all their ups and downs for 10 seasons. Jessica Biel played Mary Camden…the bad seed.

Obviously being on “7th Heaven” gave all the characters a good, wholesome image. Jessica Biel got sick of this and decided to pose partially nude for Gear magazine at the age of 17. This didn’t go over well with the producers and Jessica was written off the show…fail.

Photo Courtesy: dailycaller.com

According to Wikipedia: “During season five, her character goes through a rebellious phase, and this storyline was used to write Biel out of the show, sending Mary to her grandparents’ house in Buffalo for some tough love to counter her rebellious behavior. During season six, Mary returned home, but the differences between Biel and the producers led to Mary leaving home full-time and becoming a flight attendant.”

In the end, getting kicked off “7th Heaven” wasn’t a completely bad idea. I mean she did land Timberlake and has starred in some pretty big movies. For example, “The A-Team” and “Valentine’s Day.” Lesson: posing partially nude can bring you good things.

Jessica – Isn’t it funny that Britney Spears just got engaged…think about that one.


Celebrity Top 3

You don’t come back from that

Photo Courtesy: eonline.com

You know the Duggars, right? They are the family with 19 children and a show on TLC called “19 Kids and Counting.” This family incites rage to boil up inside me. I will spare you from the 20-minute tangent I have prepared about how/why they don’t use birth control…or at least the pull and pray method. Ahhh!

Anywho, this past week, Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar announced that they are expecting their 20th child. You heard me…20th. Michelle Duggar who is 45 years old has got to be secretly pissed that Jim Bob knocked her up again. I mean really, who wants to be pregnant that many times?

“I was not thinking that God would give us another one, and we are just so grateful,” Michelle revealed on the “Today” show. Someone help me…I’m stumbling into a rage blackout.

Michelle – How do you keep track of the 19 kids you have now? Do they wear name tags? Are they color-coded? Just wondering.

Billy Crystal – hosting thy Oscars

Photo Courtesy: gossipswim.com

When it was announced that Eddie Murphy was hosting the Oscars this year, I thought to myself “Oh great, I have to sit through three hours of him trying to be funny.” As you can probably tell, I’m not a fan of Eddie Murphy. Why? Mr. Murphy thought he could sass a Spice Girl…Ohh Hell No.

So how did Billy get back in the Oscar saddle? Brett Ratner (executive producer of the Oscars and Eddie’s pal) caused quite the scandal when he spewed a gay slur at the “Tower Heist” premier of all places. Since that isn’t okay whatsoever, Ratner was forced out of his job as producer and Eddie bounced as well.

I was actually very happy about the news that Eddie was out and Bill Crystal is in. In all honestly, I would rather Alec Baldwin…because who doesn’t love a Baldwin <3.

This will be Crystal’s 9th time hosting. He announced the new gig via Twitter (where else?) “Am doing the Oscars so the young woman in the pharmacy will stop asking my name when I pick up prescriptions. Looking forward to the show.”

Hopefully I will be giggling at the big show as much as I giggled at this tweet.

Justin Timberlake…what a gentleman

Photo Courtesy: nydailynews.com

First of all…I would like to say why didn’t I think of this? Second of all…Corporal Kelsey De Santis, I applaud you . Third of all…Justin, this almost makes up for burning Britney in the “Cry Me a River” video.

Cpl. De Santis made a YouTube video asking Timberlake to be her date to the Marine Corps Ball. Back in July when Timberlake got word of this, he said he would attend. Timberlake made good on his promise and was spotted at the Ball last night…bringing “Sexy Back” in his tux.

“The wife of one of the marines at the ball said Timberlake posed for pictures and seemed like a normal guy,” according to WTVR. He was probably afraid of getting his ass kicked by a marine.

All I have to say is this…

Dear Joshua Jackson – the next wedding I get an invite to, I will be asking you to be my date…prepare accordingly.


If I could have dinner with anyone…

Mila Kunis

Photo Courtesy: trekweb.com

Born in the USSR in 1983, Milena or Mila as the world knows her, has had quite the life experience so far. When Mila was seven years old, her family made their way to the U.S.A. with help from a state lottery system.

Mila was quoted as saying, “It took about five years. If you got chosen the first time around, you went to Moscow, where there was another lottery, and you maybe got chosen again. Then you could come to the States.”

At age 9, Mila’s dad signed her up for acting classes. Her first gig was a Barbie commercial! Isn’t that where all today’s Academy Award winning stars begin their acting careers? Mila – the Academy will be calling soon…I feel it. While staring in commercials, print-ads and modeling campaigns, 1998 was when she got her big break.

Photo Courtesy: tvguide.com

Tryouts for a little show called “That 70s Show” were happening and Mila was going out for the part of Jackie Burkhart. The casting directors wanted the actress to be 18+ to play the part; Mila was 14 at the time of the tryout. She finagled her way into the role by telling the casting directors that she would eventually be 18. Point Mila. She ended up winning the role that lasted for 8 years and became a launching point for her movie career.

A factoid that surprised me about Mila was when I learned she was the voice of Meg on “Family Guy.” Another factoid: Mila replaced Lacey Chabert aka Gretchen Weiners in that role.

Starting in 2001, Mila’s movie career began; staring in a bunch of films, including “Get Over It,” “American Psycho 2,” “After Sex,” among many others. It wasn’t until her role in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” where she really caused some heads to turn. Fun fact: Mila scored this role after unsuccessfully trying out for “Knocked Up.” Playing Rachel Jansen, this character earned Mila her first Teen Choice nomination.

Photo Courtesy: whatculture.com

Next up for discussion, the year of the “Black Swan.” Mila had to go through a lot and when I say a lot…I mean a lot for this role. Her training regimen consisted of a gross amount of cardio, a 1,200-calorie a day diet and 4-hour ballet classes all week…and by week I mean seven days, not five. During filming, Mile got some nice gifts that included a torn ligament and a dislocated shoulder. She also unnecessarily lost 20 lbs, but gained it back after filming…point Mila!

After this filmed killed it at the box office, Mila hit another homerun with “Friends with Benefits,” alongside Justin Timberlake. She got real intimate with the previous boy band member. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend adding it to your Netflix.

Photo Courtesy: chanceplus1.com

As for her personal life, Mila recently broke up with her long-time boyfriend, Macaulay Culkin. I was totally blown out of the water when I heard that these two were even dating! I bet Culkin is extra pissed because Mila won the Holy Grail of Hot award at the 2011 Spike Guys’ Choice Awards.

Why do I want to have dinner with Mila:

Mila looks like a blast in a glass. I can already picture us laughing over a funny story and chatting about which celebrities she has seen blackout drunk.

One question I couldn’t leave without asking:

Who was a better canoodler…Justin, Ashton or Natalie? I’m giving my vote to JT. He did tame Britney after all.

Where I would want to have dinner:

Outback Steakhouse…I think it would be enjoyable to share a bloomin onion with Mila and talk about her “Black Swan” experience.


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