The 5 Stages of a Breakup: Justin Timerberlake

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There aren’t many topics that make me want to enter a heated debate, but I will argue with anyone on this planet about how Justin Timberlake still loves Britney Spears. Let’s be real, when you wear matching jean outfits in public, that’s eternal love.

If you listen to Justin’s new and old jams, you can clearly hear that he’s not over Britney. I am about to lay out the 5 stages of a breakup and show you in musical form how JT is still coping.

Please note: Some songs may not be in order of release. Everyone deals with grief differently, you know?

1. DenialWhat Goes Around…Comes Around was released around the same time that Britney was splitting up with K-Fed. Coincidence? I think not. I put this jam in the denial slot because even though Brit and JT broke up in 2002, he is still in denial about the fact that she cheated on him. It was a poor choice on her part, but she did apologize.

Justin sings Don’t want to think about it / Don’t want to talk about it / I’m just so sick about it / Can’t believe it’s ending this way. Poor guy.

2. Anger – Ok, we get it…Britney got with another dude, but did you have to find a girl who looks extremely similar to your ex for your music video? You get this one for free, Timberlake.

3. Bargaining – Cheating was a deal breaker for JT and he has definitely held his ground on that front. I give Brit the blame here, she should’ve picked honesty, then she may not have blown it. Please refer to song in stage 2.

4. Depression – Remember when Justin went on a musical hiatus from 2007 until 2012 to focus on his “acting?” He was actually in a dark room covered in Britney posters while drinking heavily. He wrote a song called Drink You Away where he states “I can’t drink you away.” Neither could Britney, boo.

5. Acceptance – Let’s be real, there is no acceptance where Britney is concerned. That flame will never burn out. Since my brain and heart cannot fathom that idea that Mirrors is about Jessica Biel, I will award Britney the point.

As you can see, I clearly have too much time on my hands. #TeamBritney

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Topless Tuesday 2.0

Hi friends, it’s your favorite professor/Ph.D. student and pop culture junkie. Kari (an awesome roommate for the record) is currently working on her finals project, so I’m taking on the Topless Tuesday responsibilities today.

So let’s get down to it.

Justin Timberlake

When it comes to my personal ‘90s love, no one knows my love like JT. He was always hot, and the rest of *Nsync was just playing backup to his talents.

As he now ponders his engagement to fellow 90s star Jessica Biel (everyone together now… ugh), let’s look back at some of his better moments… like when he’s wearing no shirt.

So lets just let the pics speak for themselves…

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Miss Biel, you are one lucky lady, don’t mess it up (because I’m waiting for him to be back on the market again)!

Topless Tuesday…I mean Thursday

Since I have been lacking in my half-naked men duties this week, I have decided to showcase a gentleman that I’ve been saving for a special occasion.

Drumroll please…

Ryan Gosling

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Let me start out by saying thank you to Canada. While that may sound weird…just wait…I have a good reason. Canada has produced some wonderfully good-looking men. For example: Drake, Joshua Jackson and the oh-so-beautiful Ryan Thomas Gosling.

Hailing from London, Ontario, Ryan was born Nov. 12, 1980. School was rough for lil Ryan…he was bullied and (if you can imagine) had no friends until he was a teenager : (

Fun fact: After seeing the film “First Blood,” Ryan brought steak knives to school and threw them at his classmates during recess. Obviously, lil Ryan was suspended for that one.

Starting from an early age, Ryan loved to perform . He was even involved in ballet classes which boosted his confidence. So precious.

Ryan got his start in the entertainment business on the “Mickey Mouse Club.” He moved to Orlando for two years and even lived with cast member Justin Timberlake for a period of time.

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After the “Mickey Mouse Club” was cancelled in 1995, Gosling hoofed it back to Canada and continued to take on small roles. Officially dropping out of school at 17 and vowing only to take on serious roles at the age of 19, Ryan really jump started his career. He nabbed a supporting role in “Remember the Titans” and made waves with his performances in “The Believer” and “Murder by Numbers” which co-stared Sandra Bullock.

At this point, Gosling was still under the radar, but a little film released in 2004 titled “The Notebook” got everyone’s attention. I really don’t think I have to elaborate here.

In 2007, Ryan starred in one of my favorite Gos-Gos films…”Lars and the Real Girl.” The movie did horrible at the box office, so bad it didn’t even break-even. I don’t understand this…Ryan’s character dates a sex doll…who wouldn’t pay to see that?

As you should know, Ryan has recently starred in a ton of critically acclaimed films, which included “Blue Valentine,” “Crazy, Stupid, Love,” “Drive” and “The Ides of March.”

Since Gosling isn’t busy enough, he is also one-half of the indie rock group Dead Man’s Bones.

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Last but not least…Ryan has dated many high-profile Hollywood ladies. Let’s make a list:

  • Sandra Bullock
  • Rachel McAdams (soul mates)
  • Kat Dennings
  • Blake Lively
  • Olivia Wilde
  • Eva Mendes (his current lady)

At this point, Mr. Gosling is showing no signs of slowing down. He has many films on deck and plans to release a second album with his band.

I think he’s hustling for that “Sexiest Man Alive” title that was wrongfully stolen from him…yep still mad about that one!

Valentine’s Day Playlist

As you know, Tuesdays are typically meant to be topless…at least in my habitat. But this particular Tuesday is different. Why you ask? It’s the most dreaded time of year…Valentine’s Day. Dum, dum, dum.

I usually celebrate this holiday by playing bitter songs and heckling couples out my window. That hasn’t gone so well in the past, so I have decided to pour my bitterness onto my blog!

I thought the best way to effectively convey my bitterness was through song. Below are my personal favorite breakup/non demeaning to women songs that are perfect for all those lovers out there.

5. ‘Stronger’ – Britney Spears

Back in the day, Britney seemed more positive about love, but things change. After experiencing the most crushing breakup in the history of breakups and two marriages, Britney has been a card-carrying member of the bitter club since 2006. Out of the many songs my spiritual goddess has recorded, “Stronger” seems like the best jam to put on the Bitter Club soundtrack.

What I have learned from this jam: When you finally break up with that loser, you become stronger than yesterday and can bust out a sweet chair dance.

4. ‘Breakin’ Dishes’ – Rihanna

This song is epic for several reasons: I can get my dance on, I now know if my man is out until 3:30 a.m. I am legally allowed to break his dishes and burn his clothing and I don’t have to stop until I see police lights.

Rihanna – Thank you for this instruction manual.

3. ‘Never Again’ – Kelly Clarkson

What is a bitter countdown without the president of the bitter club…Miss Kelly Clarkson. I think one line in this song can sum it up better than I ever could: “I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green.” O0o0o burn.

What I have learned from Kelly over the years is that bitterness is like a baby, it grows with age.

2. ‘Bye Bye Bye’ – N’Sync

Since it’s only fair I give my male fans a jam to jam out to, I have chosen an oldie but a goodie. Yes, I’m bringing it all the way back to when Justin Timberlake had the fro…his best days <3

Hopefully, Justin will take his own advice and say bye, bye, bye to Jessica Biel…oops, can’t say that.

1. ‘Independent Women’ – Destiny’s Child

This song provides us ladies a very important lesson. If you can’t figure it out after watching the video…I’m afraid all hope is lost for you.

Happy Valentine’s Day…Take that Cupid.

Remember When…

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I guess it’s about time I address the Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel engagement. Yes, it’s true…Justin’s grandma spilled the beans. Let me first say that I am not happy about this for a few reasons:

  1. I’m not a fan of Jessica Biel and her workout regimen. I mean what woman could look that jacked. She could snap Timberlake in half.
  2. Justin didn’t write any songs for her. All of his angry songs are for Britney and that one about marriage was for Cameron Diaz!
  3. They broke up and reunited…doesn’t seem legit to me.
  4. Justin has now been spotted with a full beard. He’s already letting himself go.
  5. Jessica Biel is not Britney. Sorry Jessica but I don’t recall you and Justin wearing matching denim outfits to an award show.

Okay, that’s more than a few. It seems I am more upset about this than I thought. Since I am forced to live with this news, (in the words of Hilary Duff) let’s go back, back to the beginning.

Remember When…Jessica Biel was the daughter of a pastor?

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Back when I was a teenager, The WB network was where it was at. They had so many good shows including: “Dawson’s Creek” (the best), “Roswell,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “7th Heaven” (blah).

Of course, the one show that Jessica Biel is known for, I disliked the most. I mean who wanted to see kids make bad decisions and then have a religious/family moment at the end? Not real life.

If you didn’t watch “7th Heaven,” I’ll give you a little summary:

Reverend Camden is a Protestant minister who is super serious about doing good and being good. Reverend Camden and his wife Annie have seven children! The show follows the family through all their ups and downs for 10 seasons. Jessica Biel played Mary Camden…the bad seed.

Obviously being on “7th Heaven” gave all the characters a good, wholesome image. Jessica Biel got sick of this and decided to pose partially nude for Gear magazine at the age of 17. This didn’t go over well with the producers and Jessica was written off the show…fail.

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According to Wikipedia: “During season five, her character goes through a rebellious phase, and this storyline was used to write Biel out of the show, sending Mary to her grandparents’ house in Buffalo for some tough love to counter her rebellious behavior. During season six, Mary returned home, but the differences between Biel and the producers led to Mary leaving home full-time and becoming a flight attendant.”

In the end, getting kicked off “7th Heaven” wasn’t a completely bad idea. I mean she did land Timberlake and has starred in some pretty big movies. For example, “The A-Team” and “Valentine’s Day.” Lesson: posing partially nude can bring you good things.

Jessica – Isn’t it funny that Britney Spears just got engaged…think about that one.

Celebrity Top 3

You don’t come back from that

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You know the Duggars, right? They are the family with 19 children and a show on TLC called “19 Kids and Counting.” This family incites rage to boil up inside me. I will spare you from the 20-minute tangent I have prepared about how/why they don’t use birth control…or at least the pull and pray method. Ahhh!

Anywho, this past week, Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar announced that they are expecting their 20th child. You heard me…20th. Michelle Duggar who is 45 years old has got to be secretly pissed that Jim Bob knocked her up again. I mean really, who wants to be pregnant that many times?

“I was not thinking that God would give us another one, and we are just so grateful,” Michelle revealed on the “Today” show. Someone help me…I’m stumbling into a rage blackout.

Michelle – How do you keep track of the 19 kids you have now? Do they wear name tags? Are they color-coded? Just wondering.

Billy Crystal – hosting thy Oscars

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When it was announced that Eddie Murphy was hosting the Oscars this year, I thought to myself “Oh great, I have to sit through three hours of him trying to be funny.” As you can probably tell, I’m not a fan of Eddie Murphy. Why? Mr. Murphy thought he could sass a Spice Girl…Ohh Hell No.

So how did Billy get back in the Oscar saddle? Brett Ratner (executive producer of the Oscars and Eddie’s pal) caused quite the scandal when he spewed a gay slur at the “Tower Heist” premier of all places. Since that isn’t okay whatsoever, Ratner was forced out of his job as producer and Eddie bounced as well.

I was actually very happy about the news that Eddie was out and Bill Crystal is in. In all honestly, I would rather Alec Baldwin…because who doesn’t love a Baldwin <3.

This will be Crystal’s 9th time hosting. He announced the new gig via Twitter (where else?) “Am doing the Oscars so the young woman in the pharmacy will stop asking my name when I pick up prescriptions. Looking forward to the show.”

Hopefully I will be giggling at the big show as much as I giggled at this tweet.

Justin Timberlake…what a gentleman

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First of all…I would like to say why didn’t I think of this? Second of all…Corporal Kelsey De Santis, I applaud you . Third of all…Justin, this almost makes up for burning Britney in the “Cry Me a River” video.

Cpl. De Santis made a YouTube video asking Timberlake to be her date to the Marine Corps Ball. Back in July when Timberlake got word of this, he said he would attend. Timberlake made good on his promise and was spotted at the Ball last night…bringing “Sexy Back” in his tux.

“The wife of one of the marines at the ball said Timberlake posed for pictures and seemed like a normal guy,” according to WTVR. He was probably afraid of getting his ass kicked by a marine.

All I have to say is this…

Dear Joshua Jackson – the next wedding I get an invite to, I will be asking you to be my date…prepare accordingly.

If I could have dinner with anyone…

Mila Kunis

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Born in the USSR in 1983, Milena or Mila as the world knows her, has had quite the life experience so far. When Mila was seven years old, her family made their way to the U.S.A. with help from a state lottery system.

Mila was quoted as saying, “It took about five years. If you got chosen the first time around, you went to Moscow, where there was another lottery, and you maybe got chosen again. Then you could come to the States.”

At age 9, Mila’s dad signed her up for acting classes. Her first gig was a Barbie commercial! Isn’t that where all today’s Academy Award winning stars begin their acting careers? Mila – the Academy will be calling soon…I feel it. While staring in commercials, print-ads and modeling campaigns, 1998 was when she got her big break.

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Tryouts for a little show called “That 70s Show” were happening and Mila was going out for the part of Jackie Burkhart. The casting directors wanted the actress to be 18+ to play the part; Mila was 14 at the time of the tryout. She finagled her way into the role by telling the casting directors that she would eventually be 18. Point Mila. She ended up winning the role that lasted for 8 years and became a launching point for her movie career.

A factoid that surprised me about Mila was when I learned she was the voice of Meg on “Family Guy.” Another factoid: Mila replaced Lacey Chabert aka Gretchen Weiners in that role.

Starting in 2001, Mila’s movie career began; staring in a bunch of films, including “Get Over It,” “American Psycho 2,” “After Sex,” among many others. It wasn’t until her role in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” where she really caused some heads to turn. Fun fact: Mila scored this role after unsuccessfully trying out for “Knocked Up.” Playing Rachel Jansen, this character earned Mila her first Teen Choice nomination.

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Next up for discussion, the year of the “Black Swan.” Mila had to go through a lot and when I say a lot…I mean a lot for this role. Her training regimen consisted of a gross amount of cardio, a 1,200-calorie a day diet and 4-hour ballet classes all week…and by week I mean seven days, not five. During filming, Mile got some nice gifts that included a torn ligament and a dislocated shoulder. She also unnecessarily lost 20 lbs, but gained it back after filming…point Mila!

After this filmed killed it at the box office, Mila hit another homerun with “Friends with Benefits,” alongside Justin Timberlake. She got real intimate with the previous boy band member. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend adding it to your Netflix.

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As for her personal life, Mila recently broke up with her long-time boyfriend, Macaulay Culkin. I was totally blown out of the water when I heard that these two were even dating! I bet Culkin is extra pissed because Mila won the Holy Grail of Hot award at the 2011 Spike Guys’ Choice Awards.

Why do I want to have dinner with Mila:

Mila looks like a blast in a glass. I can already picture us laughing over a funny story and chatting about which celebrities she has seen blackout drunk.

One question I couldn’t leave without asking:

Who was a better canoodler…Justin, Ashton or Natalie? I’m giving my vote to JT. He did tame Britney after all.

Where I would want to have dinner:

Outback Steakhouse…I think it would be enjoyable to share a bloomin onion with Mila and talk about her “Black Swan” experience.

Multitasking Songbirds

For quite some time, we have seen many singers creeping onto the silver screen. While some of these singers do a good job with their voyage into the acting world, some just offer us something to talk about, make fun of or create drinking games about. Below are some of my favsies singers who are or have been trying to gain some credibility in Hollywood.

Crossroads…It’s Britney Bitch

In her Academy Award winning role, Britney Spears plays Lucy, who is a slightly sheltered girl that graduates from high school and decides to take an impromptu trip with her old friends. Throughout the journey, the girls and the random man who drives them around, hit some bumpy spots. For example, when the group needs money to fix their vehicle. Britney and her girlfriends decide to enter a karaoke contest and end up kicking ass. Hello, Britney is a Grammy award-winning entertainer.

Another highlight is when Britney lands a man! While he’s no Justin Timberlake, he’s still bringing sexy back. If you haven’t seen this movie, it’s a must. If you don’t own it, please purchase it because Britney’s kids will eventually need college tuition.

Mandy Moore..It was a walk to remember

Mandy Moore was certainly dissed by the Academy on this one. Moore played Jamie, who was the daughter of a strict pastor that falls for Shane West’s character aka “the bad boy.” This perfect couple falls in love and when you think everything is ok…BAM you pretty much get hit by a bus!

Spoiler Alert: Mandy Moore get sick and dies in the movie! Do not watch unless you want to weep.

On another note, after Shane West finds out his lady is sick, he does everything he can to make her last days enjoyable. He even gets down on one knee and asks Jamie to marry him. As a female watching this movie I have to say one thing: THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE. Where do we find a man as good as Shane West. Ugh.

Justin Timberlake expands his social network

Even though I am on Team Britney, I do have to say JT is giving it his all in regards to acting. He’s been in a handful movies recently. He killed it in “The Social Network” and rumor has it he’s not going to be making any sweet music for some time! While I think keeping his hot beat boxing skills to himself is a sin, I don’t mind seeing him on the big screen without a top on. Point Britney for wrangling in JT.

On My Radar

Britney Spears’ much anticipated  “Femme Fatale” tour kicked off yesterday in Sacramento, CA. Many people have been putting their two cents in about how she will do on tour this time around. Much concerned revolved around the fact that she hasn’t been moving as well as she used to…she’s a mother of two and ten years older for goodness sakes.

Even her ex-bf Justin Timberlake has chimed in. Interviewing with “Playboy” JT stated, “People think they can say anything and it doesn’t matter to people. I’d love to see the people who comment about Britney online say those things to her face, because they couldn’t. Also, in Britney’s defense, if you pulled up a video I did from 2003, I couldn’t do the shit I did then either.”

Hey Britney…you are on Justin’s radar!!

Perez Hilton got a sneak peak of the tour and gave our girl rave reviews. This tour is even being called her “flashiest tour yet.” Anywho… In anticipation of seeing Britney in July, I thought I could focus this post on Britney’s past performance on award shows, television and any other venue or arena that Miss Spears has graced with her presence.

Welcome to the Circus

While the audio is a little strange (yes, I know she lip-syncs) this video offers up a front row seat to B. Spears performing “Circus.” Perez Hilton gives us an unforgettable yet awkward introduction. Britney then descends from the ceiling in her ringleader outfit complete with whip. She looks great dancing and stomping around stage…I’d go see the Circus again.

At least she didn’t climb on the desk…

This is one of my all-time favorite Britney performance videos that I have seen thus far. I am convinced she is actually singing “I’m a Slave for You” live on the David Letterman show. Her outfit, dance moves and hair are all on point as well. During the performance, she creeps her way over to Dave and gives him a surprise dance. But in true Barrymore fashion, she did not flash the Late Show host. Maybe next time, Dave.

Remember When?

Britney has had many memorable (one in particular that I wish I didn’t remember…you know what I’m speaking of) performances on the MTV Music Awards. I do have to say this one caused a bit of controversy when it aired. Many parents thought she was a bad influence since she looked practically naked during this performance. Hello! Her first song was called”…Hit Me Baby One More Time.” She wasn’t supposed to be a role model for children from the beginning. I give her props for this one. It was and will always be epic.

They did what…?

As a society, we are rarely shocked these days. We have become immune to seeing celebrities flip out at the paparazzi, party till the wee hours of the morning and even some stars accidently showing their ‘Britney’ while getting out of a car. But there are some stories that really get us talking.

Below is a list of a few of those stories that put the shock back in shocking.

Kanye West vs. Taylor Swift

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This shocking moment occurred on an evening that was supposed to be full of happiness for Miss Swift. Last year at the MTV Video Music Awards, Swift won for Female Video of the Year.

As she was accepting her award, Kanye West jumped up on stage and announced “Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.” Seemingly ruining Taylor’s night, Beyoncé saved the day by letting Taylor come up on stage and finish her acceptance speech.

Tiger Woods hitting multiple “holes in one”

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It seemed to be a match made in heaven. In 2004, Tiger Woods married former Swedish model and nanny, Elin Nordegren. They had two beautiful children and a life that others dreamed of having.

Late one Thanksgiving evening, Woods was found lying on the ground next to his Escalade with injuries to his face. Why? According to “Us Weekly,” his wife found out that he was cheating on her with not one, but up to 13 women. Elin, he totally deserved to be beaten with that golf club…you go girl!

Larry, you are the father

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Larry Birkhead was the former boyfriend of Anna Nicole Smith. When Smith unexpectedly passed away in 2007, the main question that arose was who would get custody of Dannielynn, Smith’s young daughter. There were many contenders: Howard Stern (Smith’s lawyer and longtime partner) Larry Birkhead (Smith’s ex-boyfriend) Howard Marshall (Smith’s ex-husband) and Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt (Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband who had an affair with Smith) among many others.

After a long court battle, Birkhead was proven to be Dannielynn’s real father. His name is now listed on Dannielynn’s birth certificate.

Britney and Justin: The Breakup

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Even though this couple has been separated since 2002, I am still impacted by this breakup. Britney and Justin were the couple next door. They met on the “Mickey Mouse Club” and both stepped into the role of pop stars. Dating for two and a half years, the couple broke up because Spears allegedly cheated on Timberlake with her chorographer, Wade Robinson.

As a result of the breakup, Timberlake decided to spill the beans and tell the world that he slept with Spears before marriage. Remember, Spears wanted to wait until she was hitched? Timberlake also went on to write the song, “Cry me a River,” which had a guest appearance of a woman who was a striking resemblance to Spears in the music video. This breakup also produced Spears’ single “Everytime,” in which she attempts to apologize to Timberlake. Even though these two have gone their separate ways, I still dream of the day when they will reunite.


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