Future Oprah Book Club Contenders…Part I

For those that haven’t heard the glorious news, Lindsay Lohan has begun writing a tell-all book! Not only is it a tell-all book that will include all the drugs, parties and blackouts we weren’t invited to, it is reported that LiLo started writing while she was in rehab! I’m mostly excited about the fact that she started penning her memoir in rehab because I’m 85% sure she was sober while there.

After hearing this news, I got to thinking about other celebrities who I would like to write their personal stories in book form. Obviously it is my duty to share these thoughts with my fan base.

Katie Holmes

Now this one would fly right up the best sellers list and help support Suri’s fashion addiction.

Who wouldn’t want to read about Katie and Tom Cruise’s marriage life, how Suri was conceived and the details of the covert plan to divorce Tom?! These thoughts keep me up at night.

I’m imagining Katie writing a truthful tale starting from how she met Tom, leading up to her life as a divorcee. Did Tom pick Katie out of a list of already selected brides or did they actually meet and fall in love? I heard that Jessica Alba said no and Katie was next on the list. If I was Katie, I’d be pissed I wasn’t number one.

I want to hear about the day-to-day, did Tom have someone babysitting Katie from the Scientologist camp, what’s it like to be a Scientologist, and IS TOM A GAY!? Jeez Tom, even Ricky Martin came out of the closet.

Some more questions I’d like the answers to include:

  • Did Tom make Katie slouch in pictures because she towered over him? This is clearly a yes.
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how ridiculous was the couch jumping scene on Oprah? Hopefully an 11.
  • Did Katie really get with Jamie Foxx? I sure hope so because I accidentally stumbled upon his birthday suit photos (thank you Internet) and I will definitely award Katie a point on that one.

I have always believed in Katie Holmes and I have always imagined her getting that role that will lead her down the path to Oscar gold. I’m so glad Tom is out of the picture. Now is her time to shine and get with some much younger dudes.

Don’t worry, I’ll get to part II eventually.

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Remember When…

The WB was the best television network…ever

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Throughout my teenage years and even now in my twenties, I’ve run into numerous situations where I’ve needed guidance. While I, of course, had my mom and friends to consult, there were some scenarios where only Buffy, Joey Potter or Liz Parker could help.

If those names sound familiar, then you were a fan of The WB network…and what a great network it was.

The WB network debuted January 11, 1995, but didn’t start gaining some traction until 1997 – the year of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy brought much success, so much so that the network decided to focus on the teen demographic. Thank God they did, where else would I have learned how to navigate the mean streets of high school?

What I am about to write in this paragraph is so important, it deserves its own paragraph. January 20, 1998 was when The WB debuted a show that is described as the network’s “signature series” and I couldn’t agree more. That series is Dawson’s Creek…obviously…it sure as hell wasn’t 7th Heaven.

Dawson and the gang brought in the network’s highest ratings, with the pilot ranking in 6.8 million viewers and the series finale, which was watched by 7.8 million viewers. Because of the success of Buffy and Dawson’s, The WB introduced us to Roswell, Angel, Felicity, Charmed, Popular, Young Americans and so many more beloved shows.

Below is a promo for network that debuted 13 years ago. It’s filled with so many familiar friends. I almost cried from all the memories that came at me like a wrecking ball…get it?

On a side note, I would like to point out that Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx were both in this promo. Maybe those dating rumors do have some truth to them. Get. It. Katie.


Show Me Your Teets

Poor Blake Lively. Most of the world has probably seen her naked already. I wonder if her rumored new boyfriend Jack Dawson… I mean Leo DiCaprio has taken a peak at the pics. While Lively’s camp is still denying the picture’s authenticity, it seems that we the people do not care whether or not they are real. If the pictures aren’t of Lively, the girl is a spitting image of the “Gossip Girl” star.

This nude scandal has inspired me to reminisce about previous scandals that do not involve clothes. Hold onto your pants!

“1 Night in Paris”

Photo Courtesy maaadddog.wordpress.com

Let’s be real. You can’t talk about naked scandals without talking about Paris Hilton’s starring role in “1 Night in Paris.” Released in 2004, the tape shows 62 minutes of Paris and her ex-boyfriend, Rick Salomon consummating their relationship.

Interviewed by the British version of “GQ,” Paris stated, “I never received a dime from the video. It’s just dirty money and (Salomon) should give it all to some charity for the sexually abused or something. To be honest, I don’t even think about it any more.” Regardless of whether Paris still thinks about the tape or not, it did get noticed by the AVN Awards, which is the Academy Awards of porn. “1 Night in Paris” won Top Renting Release of the Year.

Look at him now

Photo Courtesy racialicious.com

Oh Chris Brown. Not only did you hurt our precious Rihanna, we have also seen what your mama gave you. Personally, I would have rather see T.I. in his birthday suit than Chris Brown, but I’ll take what I can get.

Rumor has it that an ex-girlfriend of his leaked the photo of Brown. While the “Kiss,Kiss” singer was in the process of trying to erase the previous scandal that he got himself into, the naked scandal seemed to have come at the right time.

I do have to say this about what horrible thing he did to Rihanna: We. Will. Never. Forget. Bitch.

Jamie FoXXX

Photo Courtesy jenniferbrix.com

Back in 2009, a very interesting picture of Jamie Foxx hit the web. He was wearing nothing but a do-rag. While we all know once a nude pic hits the web, usually the celebrity immediately denies that it’s them in the picture.

What is rare in this case of celebrity nude scandals is that Jamie Foxx readily admitted that it was him in the photo. Foxx admitted that the reason he took the picture was for his make-up artist for a before and after shot of his physical training.

The photo was hacked and broadcasted for all to see. Jamie, I’m blushing…

There you have it folks. As Reese Witherspoon said at the 2011 MTV Movie Awards, “if you take naked pictures with your cell phone, hide your face.”


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