Slapped with the obvious stick

Photo Courtesy: mtv.com

Ever since her split with husband number one, Kim Kardashian has decided to stay mum on any potential/budding relationships.

While this sounds like a good philosophy to live by, Kim K isn’t doing so well at keeping her private life…private.

As you know, Kim has been seen prancing all over NYC with rapper Kanye West. Obviously rumors have been swirling that these two are a couple. Kim and Kanye have given us a variety of reasons for that conclusion:

  • The pair has had multiple slumber parties that end with Kim doing the walk of shame the next morning
  • Kanye laid out his feelings for the reality TV star/business woman on a new track titled, “Thera flu” where he states, “And I’ll admit, I fell in love with Kim/‘Round the same time she had fell in love wit’ him/Well, that’s cool, baby girl, do ya thing/Lucky I ain’t have Jay drop ‘im from the team”
  • This past weekend West had dinner with the overwhelmingly large Kardashian family

While all that stuff can be deemed innocent, Kim really did a number today. She was spotted wearing earrings that contain the initials KW. I wonder who/what that could mean?

It seems that Kim isn’t really good at keeping Kanye a secret. But really, could anyone actually tame Kanye?

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Happy Baby Reese Witherspoon!

Photo Courtesy: articles.nydailynews.com

Rumor has it that national treasure Reese Witherspoon and her second husband Jim Toth are expecting a baby…an actual baby!

This will be baby number three for Reese…The “Cruel Intentions” star has two children (Ava, 12 and Deacon, 8) with ex-husband, Ryan Phillippe. Still upset about that divorce : (

UsWeekly had the pleasure of breaking the story and is reporting that “Reese is right around 12 weeks,” one source explains, adding that the “This Means War” star is “not planning to announce it.”

Reese’s birthday is tomorrow…guess she has something a little extra to celebrate. You go girl.


I’m on a boat…with a celebrity and a life vest…part II

It’s time to strap on your life vest once again…I’m about to reveal the second celebrity that I would like to accompany me on a cruise.

Katy Perry

Photo Courtesy: thesun.co.uk

There is one thing I know about Katy Perry…she loves a good theme and always dresses for the occasion. Show of hands…who would like to see a week’s worth of Katy’s sailor attire? I know I do.

The list of people who don’t like Katy Perry is very small. I think the reason for that is she’s always full of pep, has a positive attitude and likes to party.

Even going through a divorce, she was still smiling. No really, Katy added a smiley face next to her signature on the divorce papers. o0o0o burn.

The Part of Me” singer must have learned the oh-so-important lesson brought to you by Xtina Aguilera…when it comes to men, they can’t hold us down.

Anywho, I picture Katy bopping around the cruise deck meeting and greeting fans during the day and performing her mega-hits at night.

I recently read that Katy is finally collaborating with her bff Rihana. Hopefully Rihanna can helicopter in and perform with Katy while we are cruising the ocean blue. If not, I’m sure Snoop Dog will be on board to sing his notable verse in “California Gurls“…he can’t be that busy.

Or if we are really lucky, Kanye “I’mma let you finish” West will swim out to the boat in order to perform his verse in “E.T.

Hey, a girl can dream. See you on board!


Wishes and Dreams for the New Year…part II

As the entire world knows, I would take a bitch slap and/or dropkick for B. Spears. Being on that level for Britney, many people expect me to dislike the following celebrity. I am here to tell you that is just silly. Why can’t we all be friends?

Here is my second prediction for the new year…listen up TMZ.

2012 Will be the Year of Xtina

Photo Courtesy: blippitt.com

Let’s be real…Christina Aguilera has had a tough 2011 for a few reasons:

  • Still dealing with the divorce backlash…hoes before bros
  • Fudging the lyrics to “The Star-Spangled Banner” at Super Bowl XLV…Hey, I’d like to see you sing in front of that many people
  • Getting arrested for public intoxication…it was only for a few hours
  • Released in 2010, Xtina’s fourth album, “Bionic” didn’t do so hot…I own a copy

Now hold the phone! There were a few good things to come out of 2011. Christina landed a spot as a judge on NBC’s “The Voice.” The show was well received and is set to return for a second season Feb. 5, 2012.

Photo Courtesy: sonypspwalls.com

Along with that, Xtina teamed up with Maroon 5 on a song that plays over and over in my head, “Moves Like Jagger.” Apparently this jam is good because it was nominated for a Grammy. Finally, Xtina has landed a new bf, Matthew Rutler.

Why do I think 2012 will be the year of Xtina? Let me set the record straight. Britney Spears has had one of the greatest comebacks in the history of comebacks. That bitch crawled her way out of the pits of hell to the top of the record charts. If she could do it, so can Xtina! Now is Xtina’s chance to get back to the “Dirty” era of her fame. In order to do that, I recommend she dye her hair black again.

Photo Courtesy: blog.zap2it.com

An observation I made: When Britney dyed her hair black…she went cray. When Xtina dyed her hair black…she wore a lot of leather and did whatever she wanted. Point Xtina.

The “Not Myself Tonight” singer has revealed that she is in the studio recording a new album. Xtina has a boatload of possible material to scream about! I really hope she sings about her stint in jail, because who doesn’t love songs about jail?

Xtina – I need some more of you in my life. I really cannot go without your awesome vocals and your Xtina hand high in the air. Good luck <3


Special Report: Kar-Hump no more

Photo Courtesy: kimkardashianfan.net

Well I can’t say I’m surprised, but I am a little sad for Kim. If you have been slumbering under a rock all day, I’ll remind you what the hell has been going on.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are donezo. After 72 days of being husband and wife…Kim has filed for divorce. o0o0o burn.

Rumors turned to fact when Kim released a statement regarding her soon-to-be ex-husband:

“After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage,” she said. “I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best.”

What is interesting about this scenario is the fact Kris doesn’t want to remove his claws from Kim K. Mr. Humpy released a statement exclaiming, “I love my wife and am devastated to learn she filed for divorce.” “I’m committed to this marriage and everything this covenant represents,” he added. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.”

I can see why Kris is “willing to do whatever it take.” My Humpy’s estimated worth is $8 million, while his wifey is worth an estimated $35 million. Dum, dum, dummmm.

I wonder what the final straw was for Kim. Was it the fact the Kris still wanted his dogs to sleep in bed with him and Kim?

Kim – if all else fails…sic Khloe on Humpy. She will have no problem beating his ass.

Side note: I wonder what Scott thinks of all this? Hopefully he is laughing his pants off.


Celebrity Top 3

Jack Osbourne…put a ring on it

Photo Courtesy: ontheredcarpet.com

Unbeknownst to me, Jack Osbourne had a lady-friend. Well, she is no longer his lady-friend. She is now his fiancé…after four months of dating! Wouldn’t it be nice if I told you her name… it’s Lisa Stelly.

The future Mrs. Osbourne is a model and actress. You may have seen her in Green Day’s music video for “21st Century Breakdown.” The world found out this wonderful news via Twitter…where else? “The most amazing man I’ve ever met asked me to marry him, and he wasn’t joking! Crazy, right?” Stelly wrote.

This is a pretty big deal…I’m sure Sharon is screaming her face off with excitement. I remember being a younger version of myself and watching “The Osbournes” reality TV show on MTV and thinking, “who will ever want to marry these kids…they are so damn loud!” I guess there is a lid for every pot.

Fact of the day:  you can insure your breasts

Photo Courtesy: dailystab.com

How did I find out this awesome fact…from Hef’s ex-gf, Holly Madison! According to People.com, Holly took out an insurance policy through Lloyd’s of London for $1 million bones.

Since Holly stars in “Peepshow” at Planet Hollywood in Vegas, this makes total sense. I actually might go out and insure my tat-tats…you never know.

Holly told People.com, “I’ve heard about people getting body parts insured and I thought, why not?, because if anything happened to my boobs, I’d be out for a few months and I’d probably be out a million dollars,” she said. “I thought I’d cover my assets.”

During my research, I found that Holly isn’t the only one to have her breasticles insured. Dolly Parton insured her girls for $300,000 a piece. I also found out that Dolly is carrying around 40DD…bless your heart and your back.

Ashton and Demi…could it really be over?

Photo Courtesy: judiciaryreport.com

The rumor that Ashton and Demi are getting the big D is flaring up again. This time, it’s all Demi’s fault.

At the beginning of Sept., she tweeted a pic of her back and wrote, “remember…..you’ve got your own back.” Now that doesn’t sound particularly positive.

All week, Mrs. Kutcher has been tweetering many interesting things to hint that her marriage isn’t going so well.

  • “When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger. –Epictetus”
  • “I see through you…” Attached to this tweet was a sad picture of Demi with her eyes closed.

Amid rumors that Ashton has been unfaithful to his wife with mistress Sara Leal, these two didn’t even spend their 6th anniversary together. Demi was a premiere and Ashton was allegedly partying with Danny Masterson.

Even though Ashton was flashing his wedding ring on Thursday, this all seems suspicious. Has the age difference finally caught up with this couple? I guess we will just have to wait and see…I’m pretty sure when Demi changes her Tweeter name, we’ll know their marriage is finished. Team Demi.


Random Fact of the Day

Instead of having knowledge about world events or state capitals, my noggin is filled with ridiculous facts about those celebrities we all know and love. Since strangers on the street don’t take to kindly to me screaming, “Hey! Did you know that…” I’ve decided to publish them on the interweb.

Jessica Simpson

Photo Courtesy: hair-styles.org

The year was 1993 – the “Mickey Mouse Club” was hosting auditions for their upcoming variety show. Little did we know that 86.4% of the kids on that show would be future stars. For example, B. Spears, Justin Timberlake, Ryan Gosling (Gos-Gos), Xtina Aguilera, Keri Russell, JC Chasez, among many others.

One name that isn’t on the list is Jessica Simpson. While she wanted to be on the show, when tryouts came around…she was beat out by Britney and Xtina…whomp whomp.

After seeing the force that was lil Xtina perform, Jessica freaked out. The ex-housewife remembers, “I froze and forgot everything.”

Poor Jessica Simpson, I feel like her whole career she’s been chasing after Spears and Aguilera. There was a point in time when Simpson was doing big things…remember the song “I Wanna Love You Forever?” It’s on my iPod (don’t judge).

I think the downward spiral began when Jessica and Nick Lachey’s relationship went to hell. Jessica kind of let herself and the music career go.

The “With You” singer has tried several things to get back in the spotlight, but nothing has velcroed yet. She does have a fiance though…point Jessica.

Jessica – Comebacks are in style theses days…


Dear *Fill in Celebrity Name Here*

I have recently thought that it would be a good idea to start sending actual letters to celebrities. I have many thoughts that need to be shared. Since stamp prices have gone through the roof, why not use this blog to get their attention and save some trees! Todays letter is dedicated to Marc Anthony.

Dear Marc Anthony,

Photo Courtesy: innthebasement.com

How are you? I am fine. I see that you are doing a tell-all interview with John Quinones airing September 1 on ABC. How big of a blackout do you think J.Lo is going to be in after it airs? I hope you got enough cash money from ABC in order to buy a really big bodyguard. I can’t see you doing well in a fight against your ex-lady; she is from da Bronx after all.

I always thought you were J.Lo’s soul mate; it certainly wasn’t that backup dancer guy. Oh yea, and you left your previous wife for Jennifer…remember? If that doesn’t say love, I don’t know what does.

After 7 years together and twin babies, you guys were headed for a beautiful retirement home, shuffleboard and bingo. What happened? I heard a few rumblings that you may have cheated on our precious Jennifer. Marc – she is like Santa, she knows all. You accidently leave one of the babies at the grocery store – she knows, you stay up late to watch reruns of the Kardashians  – she knows, you cheat – she knows.

I watched the teaser for your interview and I’m slightly upset that you may be throwing Jenny from Da Block under the bus. You say you didn’t cheat on her, that “It was a realization on both our parts. So you know it wasn’t shocking. These things happen. It was a decision that we made jointly.” Wasn’t shocking? I was so shocked that I bruised my tailbone from falling out the chair I was in.

I have another bone to pick with you. What’s the deal with Jada Pinkett Smith? You know that part in her name that says “Smith?” That’s Jada’s

Photo Courtesy: technorati.com

married name! Did you know that “Life & Style” is saying, “Marc said Jada was so sexy because she was in great shape and had this tough attitude, which he loves.” First of all, J.Lo is in killer shape…maybe you should take off those creepy sunglasses you always wear and open. your. eyes!

Marc – I do have to say that I don’t completely hate you. I really liked the song you did with Pitbull titled, “Rain Over Me.” My favises part of the video is when you two gentlemen are dancing in the desert together.

I just want to let you know that I will be tuning in and critiquing every second of your tell-all interview. For the record, I am on team J.Lo.

Love always,

Kari

P.S. You don’t divorce J.Lo…J.Lo divorces you.


Jenny Going Back to the Block?

Photo Courtesy youfrenzy.com

Yes, the rumors are true; J.Lo and Marc Anthony are getting the big D (divorce). After seven glorious years, which included twin babies, the highly acclaimed film “El Cantante” and a duet that I don’t understand one word of – this power couple is no longer.

Let’s take it back to a time where J.Lo was just exiting one of her more popular romances known as “Bennifer.” Once her and Ben Affleck finally noticed that it was just plain awkward that they were an item and decided to end it, J.Lo wasted no time. A little less than two months after her split from Ben, J.Lo was seen with Marc Anthony! (gasp)

As for Marc’s side in this, let’s remember he was a married man. Marc and his wife at the time, Dayanara Torres decided to separate in 2003. Marc and  Torres were officially divorced in June 2004. Marc and J.Lo were married just four days later. Homewrecker anyone?

Even after kissing and practically marrying all those damn frogs, I was sure that J.Lo had finally found her prince charming. Welp, the world has been blindsided once again. We the people have found out that J.Lo and her man are separating.

A joint statement released by the couple stated:

“We have decided to end our marriage. This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters. It is a painful time for all involved, and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time.”

J.Lo, I still can’t forget you and Ja Rule singing that song “I’m Real.” Maybe you could be real with Ja Rule? I’m not sure if he’s in jail, but I’m sure you could work around that. Team J.Lo 4ever


Celebrity Top 3

Sorry for the delay in posting! Don’t worry, I haven’t abandoned you. Here we go!

Hold onto your pants…Lohan is at large

Photo Courtesy justjared.buzznet.com

After she plead no contest to allegedly stealing a necklace, Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to some “me” time. By the skin of her teeth Lohan weaseled her way out of shacking up in a real prison and got to spend her days at home.

Well Jesus has shined his light on Lohan and has set her free. After serving 35 days on house arrest, Caddy Heron is a free woman.

While at home, Lindsay did some high quality advertising for www.beezid.com and The National Inflation group. Now she is celebrating her freedom, turning 25 and just being Lindsay.

We want to see you out and about not trapped inside like a caged animal. Keep it together Lohan!

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver…sad face

Photo Courtesy schalaswelmo.blogspot.com/

Always looking like a solid couple, Maria Shriver has decided to file for divorce from Govenorator Arnold. After 25 years together, 4 children and a love child…Maria has had enough. Let’s be real…she’s doing the right thing. No one demeans Maria and gets away with it.

Here is what I have to say. Maria, take a page out of Carrie Underwood’s book and dig your key into his car and/or smash a baseball bat into the headlights…it will feel better.

Come back Vinny…come back

Photo Courtesy zimbio.com

It has been reported that the love of Snooki’s life has left “The Jersey Shore.” (Gasp!) While the shore crew just returned from Italy for season 4, they immediately jumped into filming season 5 in Seaside Heights. That constant partying can take its toll…trust me.

One of the reasons that Vinny may or may not have left the show was because of homesickness. Being away from your family for that long is not fun, but for the money they are raking in, it’s worth it.

With this news, two very important questions come to mind: 1. What will happen to MVP…will it just be MP?

2. Will there still be a special MTV special titled, “Snooki and Vinny…A Love Story?” A girl can only hope.


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