Hi, hi, hello! My name is India, and in addition to acting as Kari’s punching bag and legal representation on the Internet, I also have a few unpopular opinions. Unfortunately, I usually don’t know that my opinion is unpopular until I’m being reamed out in a spectacularly public fashion. Dear readers, I, like the dolphins in “Bridesmaids,” am here to save you from similar humiliation.
In my debut column, Unpopular Opinions, I will share some of my greatest (worst?) hits and also provide some superior alternatives so you can keep your thumb on the pulse of pop culture without having to suffer through inferior material. Let’s get started!
So, “Dancing with the Stars.” It’s a bad TV show, straight up. As loyal followers of Blog Like It’s Hot, you know that Kari and my other roommates are big fans of the show. As the only AT&T subscriber in the apartment, this puts me in a difficult spot when voting time comes around.
Despite the high ratings and endless line of C-list celebrities (sorry, Rob!), this show has failed to pique my interest.
First, the dancing is bad. Yes, yes, I know the premise of the show is teaching C- and D-listers to ballroom dance, but seriously. Viewers are forced to watch the same ballroom dances from episode to episode with little variation beyond who will screw up this time. How many times can someone realistically watch someone stumble through a paso doble before they are longing for something, anything, even infomercials, to break up the monotony? Pro-tip – I make it about ten minutes every time.
Second, the music is terrible. I love a good cover band, but the band on “Dancing with the Stars” is routinely sub-par, fumbling contemporary songs so badly that I cannot pay attention to anything else. The singers are nearly always off-key, the tempo is mangled, and the overall effect often forces me to leave the room clutching my ears. Points for enthusiasm, guys, but some songs just aren’t meant to be mashed into a sambo rhythm.
Skip to 2:00 to listen to the house band commit aural crimes against humanity as they butcher Gwen Stefani’s “What’chu Waiting For” while Mario Lopez attempts to tango.
Third, the costumes are questionable at best and seem to be approximately 30% double-sided tape. I’m not sure how being mostly covered in nude spandex with some flowy bits tacked on contributes to one’s ballroom dancing, but check out the monstrosity below.
So combine bad dancing, bad cover songs, and bad costumes, and we have a bad show. “Dancing with the Stars.” I do not recommend it.
If you, and I understand the urge, need something to fill the dance-shaped hole in your life, try FOX’s “So You Think You Can Dance” or MTV’s “America’s Best Dance Crew.” Not only do the shows feature real dancers, but the music and costumes are waaaaay better! Checkout ABDC’s Season 1 winners, the Jabbawockeez, below!
I hope you didn’t forget that today is Tuesday…which means it’s the one day a week you’re allowed to step outside without a top on. Okay, that’s not entirely true, but I suggest you contact your local representative and ask that the Topless Tuesday bill gets passed!
In honor of the 14th round of dancers on “Dancing with the Stars” announced today, I have decided to write about my second favorite professional dancer in the whole wide world…
Ohh Maks…so pretty.
God bless the doctor that gave you birth…little did that doc know he was making the world a better place.
Born Jan. 17, 1980 in Odessa, Ukraine, Maksim Aleksandrovich Chmerkovskiy has been shaking his shit since he was four years old. What’s interesting is that a younger Maks had different goals in mind. Instead of striving to become a Latin ballroom dancer/choreographer/instructor, he was aiming to become an Olympic swimmer or a soccer player.
Not falling in love with dancing until his teen years, Maks’ dreams at becoming a champion dancer were almost put to a complete hault. A skiing accident broke Maks’ right leg and his doctor told him that dancing would be close to impossible.
Of course Maks didn’t let a broken leg stop him. He dedicated much of his time to physical therapy and healing. After a successful recovery, the dancing champion invited his doctor to the first competition since the accident. Needless to say, the doc was speechless.
We first met Maks on season two of “Dancing with the Stars.” He was partnered with Tia Carrere (the girl from “Wayne’s World”) and they came in sixth place. Out of 13 completed seasons, Maks has competed in 11. The dance pro has yet to win the coveted Mirror Ball trophy, but he has landed in the runner-up position twice…with partners Mel B and Kirstie Alley.
Even though Maks has yet to secure the Mirror Ball trophy…he has picked up a boatload of dance achievements along the way. One notable title is the 2004 Philadelphia Dancesport Festival Champion.
Along with being a DWTS dancer, Maks has some other things going on besides looking pretty. He owns four dance studios and is a part of Dance Team USA, which is a nonprofit that is “dedicated to recruiting, supporting, and training future DanceSport participants.”
Up next for Maks is the 14th season of DWTS. This season Maks is partnered with Melissa Gilbert. My name is Kari and I endorse this partnership because Gilbert met Rob Lowe at a red light and dated him for six years. Get it girl.
Dear Maks, I have complete faith that you will, one day, get that Mirror Ball trophy. If you need someone to Tonya Harding Derek Hough, I will do it for you. Let’s be real, Hough has won enough already.
Love you lots – Kari
P.S. Whoever is dressing you in those low-cut shirts deserves a raise.
We all have those celebrities that we absolutely love but are afraid to discuss our deep admiration for in a public setting. Let’s be real…no one wants to be ostracized from their social group for liking a awkward/creepy/random famous person. At this point in my life, I can no longer contain my love for such celebrities and feel like now is the perfect time to share.
I was going to hold a press conference but I figured posting on my blog would be the best way to do this. At least when I read the comments that berated me for loving such celebrities I can cry alone in my room.
I would like to first start out by saying…who doesn’t love a man that enjoys dressing up in sparkly costumes, appreciates a good dance number and doesn’t mind a fake tan?
Ladies, such men are getting few and far between!
At the beginning of every single season of “Dancing with the Stars,” I get all aflutter. In my advanced research on the DWTS topic, I found that most people are also excited…just not about the same thing as I am.
On one hand, many are pumped for the somewhat famous people the show chooses to put through dancing hell. On the other hand, I am excited about seeing Derek Hough shake that ass.
Why I love Derek:
- Watching Derek dance is like watching baby kittens and/or puppies prance around…it just makes me feel like sunshine.
- He is a hard worker. In the words of Ice Cube, Derek not only puts his back into the choreography but he puts his femurs, wisdom teeth and even his coccyx into it.
- I typically don’t like blondes, but Derek has converted me.
- He can twirl better than you and me…combined.
Fun Facts About Derek:
- Derek has three Primetime Emmy Award nominations for Outstanding Choreography…and outstanding it is.
- He is in a band, more specifically the Ballas Hough Band…need I say more?
- Derek is also an accomplished actor…he starred as “Hogwarts schoolboy” in “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.”
- Mr. Hough dated former dancing parter Shannon Elizabeth for almost a year. They announced their breakup via Twitter. On the bright side, I announced to Derek that I’m single and ready to mingle…still waiting for a reply or at least a friggin retweet.
If Loving You is Wrong…I Don’t Want to Be Right because:
Derek – Jesus blessed you with the gift to move your hips the way many men (and women) only dream of.
You can also take a woman who has zero dancing experience and turn her into a dancing queen…I’ll give credit where credit is due.
I don’t care if people ridicule me for loving you…they will be jealous when you choreograph our wedding dance…Latin style of course.
P.S. Tell your sister to drop Seacrest before it’s too late!
Bieber – 0 Honda Civic – 1
Get off the road and that includes the sidewalks…Justin Bieber is on the prowl.
Picture this – You are Justin Bieber – king of the tween girls. You are cruising in your black Ferrari, blasting “My Way” by Usher and BAM! A Honda Civic sneaks up out of the blue and bumps you. What a bummer, right? Thankfully, no one was hurt. According to the Los Angeles Police Department, “No one was injured and there was no damage to either vehicle.”
How did the accident occur? The Honda Civic was trying to go around Bieber in an underground parking garage unsuccessfully.
My take on this…Bieber was probably blocking an aisle, probably trying to text Kanye and the Honda driver (rightfully) got pissed and tried to go around. There was no police report filed, but if I were that Honda driver I would have asked for some cash on the spot. For Christ sakes that 17 year old kid is cruising around in a Ferrari! You should have blackmailed that tween dream and got yourself a brand new Honda Civic or at least got his phone number so you can continuously call and hang up on him.
Team Honda Civic!
Wednesday, August 31 was a special day in my heart. After 11 long months, T.I. was released from an Arkansas jail cell…Hallelujah! After his release, T.I. took to his Twitter page and wrote, “Feels great to be back where I belong … Back in the arms of those who need me the most.”
Under the conditions of his release, T.I. was in transit to a halfway house to finish out his sentence. Since this was a special day, T.I. did what any normal person would do; he decided to cruise to the halfway house in a luxury tour bus.
Stepping off the party bus in Atlanta, it wasn’t T.I.’s fans that were waiting for him…but the feds were. They took the famed rapper back into custody immediately.
When I heard the news that T.I. was taken back into custody, I like the rest of the planet exclaimed, “Huh?” No one really knows what happened. T.I.’s lawyer, Steve Sadow told TMZ.com, “We are awaiting the opportunity to quickly resolve whatever the issue may be that the Federal Bureau of Prisons has with T.I.’s method of transportation, bus, from Arkansas to Atlanta, so that T.I. can return to the halfway house to complete the remaining days of his sentence.”
T.I. and his entourage were probably poppin bottles, playing his greatest hits all the way from the prison and doing whatever he liked. The feds were probably jealous and decided to arrest his ass because he was living the dream and they weren’t.
I guess I’m taking my “Free T.I.” shirt out of retirement.
Since the cast of “Dancing with the Stars” was released, contestant Chaz Bono has caused quite the stir. Many people have some series issue with Chaz being on the show. The hating got so bad that Cher, the ultimate diva had to step in. Mother Cher released a few tweets in defense of her son.
Tweet #1: “Lovelies! Chaz is Being Viciously Attacked on Blogs & Message boards about being on DWTS!,” Cher tweeted . “This is Still America right? It took guts 2 do it.”
Tweet #2: “I support him no matter what he chooses 2do!” she also tweeted. “God! will there always be haters! It took COURAGE 2 do dwts! TG Chaz has an Unlimited supply.”
Tweet #3: “Can u guys check out sites & give him your support? BTW …Mothers don’t stop Getting angry with stupid bigots who fk with their children!”
In response to his mom’s tweets, Chaz replied, “”@cher Thanks for all your support mom. The haters are just motivating me to work harder and stay on DWTS as long as I possibly can.”
What is the big deal!? Let Chaz dance his heart out. While am I hoping for Rob <3 to win, I wouldn’t mind Chaz taking the mirrorball trophy home with him. I can’t wait to see Mother Cher in the audience cheering on her son. Maybe she will even sing on that second night DWTS feels the need to take an hour to announce who is getting kicked off.
Cher- You are not like a regular mom, you are the cool mom!
The new cast of “Dancing with the Stars” has been revealed! If you haven’t heard, check out the lucky dancers here.
I’m a tad upset that Snooki isn’t on the roster, but Rob Kardashian<3 more than makes up for it. Instead of making the usual prediction of who is going to win, I’m going to predict the things that matter.
Who will end up crying on the show
My Guess – David Arquette
Let’s be real…he looks like a crier. I bet he wept after the beating he received from Courtney Cox when he thought it was a genius idea to tell Howard Stern that “it’d been like four months or so” since he slept with Courtney. David – when you talk into that microphone, Howard wasn’t the only one listening.
Why I think he’ll cry? I think Arquette feels like going on the DWTS will lead to a Kristie Alley-like comeback. Well I’m here to tell you that I don’t think that’s going to happen.
Sadly, since the “Scream” franchise has dried up, David has a wide open schedule. Maybe you could work with your buddy Howard?
Who will have a rage blackout of epic proportions
My Guess – Nancy Grace
We all know Nancy Grace is not against screaming her face off at anyone who gets in her path. I secretly love watching Nancy carry on during her show. One of these times, I’m 98% sure her head will explode. I’m shocked it hasn’t happened yet.
Why I think she’ll have a rage blackout of epic proportions? She has a lot of anger and that’s not always a bad thing. She could potentially rage her way to the top 3!
I have a feeling if Carrie Ann Inaba says the wrong thing, I envision Nancy hurling herself across the judges table to beat the living daylights out of her. Looking forward to seeing Nancy’s practice clips!
Who will “accidentally” show their lady bits on national TV
My Guess – Kristin Cavallari
Let’s gooooo back, back to the Laguna! Kristin was the girl we loved to hate. Remember when she stole Steven from Lauren and danced on that bar during spring break? Moving on to “The Hills,” Kristin still stirred up trouble and her relationship with Brody turned out to be a lie…sigh.
Why I think she’ll “accidentally” show her lady bits on national TV? Have you ever seen any episode of “Laguna Beach?” Another reason, she is newly single and ready to mingle…gotta restart the hunt for another husband.
If Janet Jackson can show her nip on the Super Bowl, I’m sure Cavallari can get away with showing her lady lumps without getting in too much trouble. You go girl!
Who will look the best with a spray tan and glittery outfits
My Guess – Rob Kardashian<3
Rob Kardashian being on DWTS makes my life so much better. I can’t wait to see him shake that thing on the ballroom floor.
I hope Khloe and Lam Lam are in the audience every Monday cheering Rob on. Maybe this experience will motivate Rob to get a real job and a house of his own. It’s got to be hard sneaky in potential wives with Khloe on guard.
Why I think he will look the best with a spray tan and glittery outfits? Rob could make a brown paper bag look good. Remember when he almost dropped out of college to be a male model?
I was watching Dr. Drew’s show on HLN and you could probably guess who the guest was. One of the most well known teen moms, Bristol Palin is all up in our grills lately. From “Dancing with the Stars” to Dr Drew’s show on HLN, I’ve seen her more than I see my roommates!
Let’s take it back. Sarah Palin gets chosen to be McCain’s VP candidate and we meet Bristol, Sarah’s daughter. Side note: Bristol is dating the glorious-looking Levi Johnston. We all know that Levi gets her pregs and Bristol becomes a mom at 18. I thought this couple was going to be high school sweethearts…I was wrong…dead wrong.
While many thought because of Sarah’s pro-life views that Bristol was basically forced to have the baby. Bristol, of course, denies this. Btw: McCain and his advisors totally knew Bristol was pregs, probably even before Levi knew. Damn they are good. Fast-forwarding to public battle with Levi for custody and then us getting punked by the pair with a fake engagement, Bristol landed a gig on “Dancing with the Stars.” Was I pumped to see this!
When the teen mom was introduced, she was announced as “Teen Activist…Bristol Palin.” Many of us who watched “Dancing with the Stars” said to themselves…”huh?” Sadly, Bristol did not win, but she came pretty dame close.
Cut to today, it turns out that Bristol has quite the motivational speaking career, asking anywhere between $15,000 to $30,000 for each event she graces with her presence. But wait, there’s more! She also released a book titled, “Not Afraid of Life.” You know what, I say go for it Bristol, but stop telling people you’re a teen activist. Just tell us about your story and LEVI <3