What About Cher?!

Cher-Portrait_s640x427

As much as I hate to admit it, I am officially over the 25 year hump on this journey we call life. In regards to my musical heroes, I grew up with Britney, Xtina and even a splash of Mandy Moore (Remember her?!).

Anywho, pretty much every time a lady singer of the early 2000s won an MTV Award, Teen Choice Award or were just being interviewed by that old guy from MTV News, they always said Madonna is “my hero” or “my inspiration” or whatever. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think Madonna has done some groundbreaking things – for example the “Like A Prayer” music video and the cone bra…but what about Cher!?

I will preface the rest of this article by saying I’m extremely partial to Cher. Cher is my mom’s Britney Spears – her spiritual goddess. I’ve been listening to her music since my time in the womb. Therefore, I want to share some of Cher’s greatest moments because she deserves some God damn recognition!

3. She’s a Pillar of Women’s Rights

Cher has many, many songs that empower women to leave those loser men behind and be stronger than yesterday…get it? Cher’s latest pro-lady power song that I’d like to mention is titled “Women’s World.”

Here, Cher tells me that This is a woman’s world / This is a woman’s world / Tell the truth / This is a woman’s world / Tell the truth / This is a woman’s world. And I think we’ve found Hilary Clinton’s campaign theme song.

2. She Can Wear Next to Nothing on a Battleship and #killit

If you are a Cher fan…you know what I’m referring to. Let’s go back…back to 1989 when Cher released the song “If I Could Turn Back Time.” The music video took place on the battleship USS Missouri where Cher was romping around singing to a ton of sailors – how patriotic of her.

Believe it or not, this music video caused a lot of controversy because of Cher’s outfit. She was wearing such little clothing that this video was even banned by MTV! What was this scandalous outfit? Well, it was basically some leather scraps and tights. I would also like to mention that Cher was 43 at the time. This music video is another reason why Cher should be appreciated more.

1. She Can Do it All

Cher is a woman of many talents. Let’s delve deeper into her accomplishments:

Cher…

  • Has an Oscar for her role in Moonstruck
  • Pioneered the use of auto tune – without Cher, T-Pain would not exist
  • Won an Emmy, a Grammy, and three Golden Globes
  • Is a professional cougar…Cher has dated Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer,Richie Sambora and Rob Camilletti aka Bagel Boy
  • Tweets amazing things, such as:

Screen shot 2014-07-30 at 10.26.22 PM Screen shot 2014-07-30 at 10.23.14 PM

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As you can see, there are so many reasons to thank Cher. Personally, she has paved the way for me to be able to wear a leather jacket over my see through bodysuit. With that being said, I would like to thank Cher for being a HBIC, an inspiration and one cool ass lady!

 

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Songs That Could Have Been

I always love hearing about songs that were originally offered to one artist and the other artist who was wise enough to take said jam and run all the way up the musical charts.

For example, did you know that Since You’ve Been Gone was originally offered to Hilary Duff, but Lil Lizze Mcguire turned that shit down. As we all know, Kelly Clarkson picked that up and it was a HUGE hit. I will say that I am a fan of H. Duff, but I can only imagine Clarkson conveying that deep, deep man rage.

Another example…Nicole Scherzinger was offered We Found Love but turned it down because she was “busy at the time.” Who’s wearing the regret cap now, eh Nicole?! 

There are tons of hit songs out there that were originally written for one artist and were scooped up by others. It’s like these pop singers sit around trading these songs like baseballs cards or something. Below is one song that fits this particular bill and the other two are just covers that I really like. Guess which one is which and you’ll win a prize!

Beyoncé – In Da Club

Remember when 50 Cent blew us out of the water with this song? Well shorty…just like every thing else…Beyonce did it better. Boom.

Britney Spears  – Telephone

While the Britney version is 98% autotuned…I obviously like this better than the GaGa version. You’re probably thinking “typical Kari response.” Well I don’t like change so…Britney forever!

Alanis Morissette – My Humps

Alanis has turned this upbeat, dance jam into a slow, slow jam that sounds like she wrote this crying alone in a dark room. I’m still waiting for someone to answer the question: What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?


Happy Holiday!

No, I don’t mean Thanksgiving or Hanukkah…I mean the day Britney Spears was born!

Photo Courtesy: www.freefever.com

Photo Courtesy: http://www.freefever.com

Today is Britney’s 32nd birthday and I am so happy that Brit has made it another year. Let’s be real, it was getting a bit dicey back in 2007 : /

Anywho, I’m spending the evening celebrating with my cat. We are getting wild like it’s 2007!

Don’t forget, Britney Jean (Britney’s 8th studio album) is out tomorrow. I will be listening to it from 8:30 am until the early evening. Feel free to check in and get my opinion. Who are we kidding, I’ll probably say it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.

Happy Birthday Brit! I love you.


The 5 Stages of a Breakup: Justin Timerberlake

Photo Courtesy: entertainment.ca.msn.com

Photo Courtesy: entertainment.ca.msn.com

There aren’t many topics that make me want to enter a heated debate, but I will argue with anyone on this planet about how Justin Timberlake still loves Britney Spears. Let’s be real, when you wear matching jean outfits in public, that’s eternal love.

If you listen to Justin’s new and old jams, you can clearly hear that he’s not over Britney. I am about to lay out the 5 stages of a breakup and show you in musical form how JT is still coping.

Please note: Some songs may not be in order of release. Everyone deals with grief differently, you know?

1. DenialWhat Goes Around…Comes Around was released around the same time that Britney was splitting up with K-Fed. Coincidence? I think not. I put this jam in the denial slot because even though Brit and JT broke up in 2002, he is still in denial about the fact that she cheated on him. It was a poor choice on her part, but she did apologize.

Justin sings Don’t want to think about it / Don’t want to talk about it / I’m just so sick about it / Can’t believe it’s ending this way. Poor guy.

2. Anger – Ok, we get it…Britney got with another dude, but did you have to find a girl who looks extremely similar to your ex for your music video? You get this one for free, Timberlake.

3. Bargaining – Cheating was a deal breaker for JT and he has definitely held his ground on that front. I give Brit the blame here, she should’ve picked honesty, then she may not have blown it. Please refer to song in stage 2.

4. Depression – Remember when Justin went on a musical hiatus from 2007 until 2012 to focus on his “acting?” He was actually in a dark room covered in Britney posters while drinking heavily. He wrote a song called Drink You Away where he states “I can’t drink you away.” Neither could Britney, boo.

5. Acceptance – Let’s be real, there is no acceptance where Britney is concerned. That flame will never burn out. Since my brain and heart cannot fathom that idea that Mirrors is about Jessica Biel, I will award Britney the point.

As you can see, I clearly have too much time on my hands. #TeamBritney


Music Videos Still Exist

I know MTV doesn’t care, but I love a good music video. Recently, a lot of entertaining ones have been released. I would like to share a few of my new favs.

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Say hello to Mike WiLL Made-It — ft. Miley Cyrus, Juicy J & Wiz Khalifa. I honestly have no idea why I’m into this song. I really don’t even know what it’s about, but I find myself listening to it quite frequently.

I have actually thought about this being my theme song when I walk into places such as malls, grocery stores and even work. Anyways, my favorite part of the music video is watching Miley Cyrus be a BAMF.

Does anyone else want to sit on a basketball hoop and rap? I know I do.

Hold On, We’re Going Home

This music video mashes all of life’s most beautiful things: Drake, the year 1985 and A$AP Rocky. Watching this music video is like 7 minutes in heaven…really, the music video is 7 minutes long. It chronicles Drake saving his lady from a kidnapper. It’s really beautiful, you’ll see.

Does anyone else wish that Drake would dress like Miami Vice from now on?

Work Bitch

Obviously you had to see this one coming, right? I have to say, I really enjoyed watching this music video. It made me feel exotic, when in reality I was sitting on the couch with the cats.

I have a few favorite parts that I must share:

1. How do I get a vanity set in the desert? I would like to place mine approximately 2 feet from Brit’s. I’m trying to borrow that perfume.

2. Does the dancing scene with the gloves remind anyone of the Me Against the Music era?

3. God, Britney looks GREAT! The weave, dance moves and facial expressions are all in check.

Britney, I’m so, I’m so, I’m so proud of you.


It’s Britney Bitch…Again

Many people’s favorite time of year falls around the holiday season or the beginnings of summer. My favorite time is neither of those…it’s when Britney Spears releases new music.

As you may have guessed, that day is RIGHT NOW!

Before you listen to Brit’s new jam, I would like to say a few words. If you haven’t visited http://britneyspears.com in a while, the site has been displaying a countdown with the phrase All Eyes on Me. There has been much speculation as to what this countdown was counting towards. For a few days I thought it was for the Vegas tour announcement, but now I realize it’s for a NEW MUSIC VIDEO! If you can’t tell, I’m freaking out!

Here is what we have all been waiting for. It’s time to Work Bitch!

A few things I’ve learned/realized from this song:

  1. Britney loves using the word Bitch
  2. She must have some English roots, because Brit is really going British these days
  3. I need to start purchasing leotards to wear on casual friday

Lyrics to look out for: Go call the police / Go call the governor / I bring the trouble / That means the trouble y’all

Keep an eye out for Brit’s new music video. It will be revealed in 1 day, 11 hours, 56 minutes and  25 seconds. I mean 24 seconds. No wait 23 seconds. Jesus, you get the point.


Third Baby Mama a Charm for K-Fed?

That’s right, Kevin Federline has tied the knot again. He married his long-time lady Victoria Prince this past weekend at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas…typical.

The pair has been an item since 2008. They also have a child together… a little girl named Jordan Kay. I knew that, but I forgot because K-Fed has children sprawled out all over the U.S.A. He has two children with ex Shar Jackson and two with Britney Spears. I still curse the day those two met each other.

Anywho, can someone send me K-Fed’s address? I’d really like to send him a wedding gift. I’d also like to send him the 17-page strongly worded letter I wrote to him back in 2005 of all the ways he is a life ruiner.

While I wait for the address, I’d like to share this piece of K-Fed memorabilia. It’s his super cool rap music video for “Lose Control.”

Please note the following lyric: Don’t hate ‘cuz I’m a superstar and I married a superstar 

K-Fed, I still curse the day you were born.


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