Stuck in my head…‘Halo’

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The year was 2009 and it was one of the best years of my life so far. While there are a multitude of reasons that this time period was fucking awesome, I am only legally allowed to reveal a few:

  • I was FINALLY of age to enter a bar without the threat of being kicked out
  • It was my senior year in college…and I graduated on time…point Kari
  • Spring Break ’09…details to follow in my highly anticipated book
  • Beyoncé released  “Halo”

A track on her third studio album, “I Am…Sasha Fierce,” Beyoncé really hit the nail on the head with this song. Every time I listen to this jam I just want to sway back and forth and pretend Jay-Z is my husband.

As usual, Beyoncé ran right up to the top of the Billboard Hot 100. “Halo” debuted at number 93 and scooted up to number five…Yeaaa B.

Favises lyrics: “Remember those walls I built/Well, baby they’re tumbling down”

Whenever I hear “Halo,” there is one particular moment that I always flash back to. It was the mid-morning of May 2, 2009…the day my world stopped and I graduated from college. From 11:03 a.m. until 2:56 p.m., I played “Halo” on repeat and cried in my bedroom. This is when I realized the party was over and I was about to crash into real world. So I would like to thank Beyoncé for getting me through that rough time and making me feel pretty.

As for the music video, Sasha is Fierce…I wish I could wear a black leotard, tights and heels as an outfit…don’t we all? Also, do you think B and Jay sit in a chair and stare at each other?

I’ve made a decision…decision made… “Halo” is in the lead to be my wedding song. That is, unless B. Spears covers it.

Entertainers I want to sing my wedding song…part III

Katy Perry – ‘Teenage Dream’

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When Katy Perry opens her mouth…gold comes out. “Teenage Dream” peaked at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, Pop Songs, Adult Pop Songs and Hot Dance Club Songs. See, I don’t lie.

Besides being an unforgettable affair, having Katy at my wedding would give me the right to say, “Remember when Katy Perry entertained at my wedding?” I would make it a point to utter that statement every single day.

I chose “Teenage Dream” because it gives us single ladies hope that you can love a dude forever. I mean look at Brad and Jennifer…everyone thought that was forever…thanks for putting us through hell, Angelina.

This jam also really shed light on the skintight jeans and how I need to get my ass on the treadmill and into a pair of these pants.

Favise lyrics: “Now every February/You’ll be my Valentine, Valentine.”

Watch the music video…if I ever saw the man that stars alongside Katy walking on the street, I’d probably walk into a parking meter or into traffic.

Remember When…

Limp Bizkit did it all for the nookie?

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You remember Fred Durst, right? He was the guy who did it all for the nookie, so you could take that cookie. I’m a few years wiser from when the song “Nookie” came out and I still don’t know what the cookie part means. Is there a real cookie involved…like an Oreo? If so, that changes a lot of things. Call me if anyone knows the answer to this conundrum.

Limp Bizkit formed in 1995 with Floridian band members: Fred Durst – lead vocals, Wes Borland – guitar, Sam Rivers – bass, John Otto – drums and DJ Lethal – rockin DJ.

It wasn’t until 1999, when their second album “Significant Other” was released that the world really took notice. This album debuted at #1 on Billboards Top 200 and has sold over 16 million copies worldwide. Not too bad, Fred. This album gave us many memorable hits and lured me to love any man who wore a red NY Yankee hat backwards…come on ladies, you know you did too.

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Following “Significant Other” up with “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water,” (inside joke much?) the band didn’t disappoint. Released October 17, 2000 – Fred and the gang were still banging out hits. This album also debuted at #1 on the Billboard charts, selling 12 million worldwide as of 2008. Limp Bizkit gave me and many other fans some more angry rock music to rage against the machine with.

As we all know, when you’re on top, you can only roll downhill and that downfall started when guitarist Wes Borland peaced out. Limp Bizkit found a replacement and released “Results May Vary” in 2003. Debuting at #3 on the Billboard charts and sold…doesn’t matter. Fact is, many people didn’t like this album…but I kind of did. My favorite Limp Bizkit jam on this album is “Behind Blue Eyes.” Why? Because Halle Berry is in the video! You know you’re famous when…

Limp Bizkit has tried to claw their way back to the top…sorry Fred, not happening yet. Maybe you need to start harassing teen pop idols like you did back in the good old days. Let’s hop into our time machine to a time when Fred Durst thought he was the genie in Xtina’s bottle? This all started when Eminem blew up their spot in “The Real Slim Shady.” Marshall used the following words:

“Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs/So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst/And hear ’em argue over who she gave head to first.”

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O0o0o that’s a no-no. Xtina’s comment on this ordeal: “He got no nookie.” I’m going to make a decision…decision made. I believe Xtina. In terms of Carson, I do recall Xtina getting more time on TRL than the other teen idols…just saying.

Fred also tried to spread vicious rumors about my spiritual goddess B. Spears. I can’t bring myself to relive that pain.

There is something weirdly/wrongly sexy about Fred Durst. I remember trying to convince my mom to buy me the “Significant Other” album because it had that parental advisory sticker on it. That was where my negotiating skills really soared to new heights. I thought I was so badass listening to this album on the playground. Now I realized badass wasn’t quite the word to describe that point in my life.

Fred – all I have to say is good luck and don’t drag Britney into this…we have enough to deal with right now!

Is this real life? Part II

Kevin Federline “America’s Most Hated”

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Well, this title hits the nail directly on the head. My first question is: who approved this?

Federline released “Playing with Fire” in October 2006. Surprisingly, all songs were co-written by the life ruiner. The album sold a total of 6,500 during its first week, debuting at number 151 on Billboards Top 200…o0o0o burn. To be fair, Mr. Spears did peak at #2 on the Billboard Top Heatseekers chart.

I will give credit where credit is due. It’s actually not that bad of a song. Now I’m not going to lie, I could totally see myself cruising around in my Honda playing this jam…if someone else was singing it of course. As a lifelong member of Team Britney, I just cannot allow myself to fully like this song.

Lyrics that I have a bone to pick with K-fed about:  

  • Droppin – nothin but heat me an JR” – Who the F is JR?
  • “I built a kingdom down the street from Pepperdine” – NO! Britney forked over the cash money for your kingdom.
  • “I’m on the frontline/Dodgin cameras like the one time” – You were only dodging cameras because you some how convinced Brit to marry you and then used your superhuman sperm to impregnate her, remember?
  • “I got my blue Yankee fitted on” – Okay Jay-Z.
  • “I got my name spreadin faster than crack” – Fine comparison.
  • “I got 50 mill/I can do whatever I want” – This is the portion of the rap song where I must pause before I slip into a blackout. I do believe that this 50 mill you speak of isn’t yours. You have not been hustling since you were 16-years-old wearing a catholic school uniform, standing on a mountain top and telling people you are “not a girl, not yet a woman,” performing live on the VMAs with a giant yellow snake around your neck, among many, many other things. Excuse my rage everyone.

Below is only the song, K-Fed only was allowed to make one music video for “Lose Control

Dear K-fed, I blame you. Listen to her pain. Love, Kari


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