I was about 87% sure it was going to be me this time around. Well I guess there’s always next year…
Beyoncé has two halos?
My roommates and I are big fans of music video countdowns and since MTV has forgotten it’s a music channel, the Fuse network has taken its place in our hearts.
Even though I have previously posted about “Halo,” I was educated last night by the lady on Fuse and now feel compelled to share my new knowledge with you.
Side note: While Kanye thinks that Beyoncé’s best video of all time was “Single Ladies,” I’m going to have to disagree and go with “Halo.”
Anywho, last night, while watching the 20 sexiest videos by singer/actress Beyoncé, I learned that there was an alternative music video for “Halo.” Next thing I knew I was experiencing whiplash over the fact that I didn’t know this. To my surprise, the info was legit.
Now for my comments on the piece.
As usual Lady B looks fierce and the gentleman in the video is on point.
I actually like this version more than I like the official version. I just wish I knew why Beyoncé’s man was being chased and killed by a dog. Along with that, why was money thrown across the forest ground? I’m thinking there was some mob action involved.
In the end, it doesn’t matter what Beyoncé did or didn’t do in the musical video version of “Halo.” She could have sat in a dark room and mouthed the words for all I cared…I would never shut Beyoncé out.
P.S. stay tuned for Topless Tuesday!
The year was 2009 and it was one of the best years of my life so far. While there are a multitude of reasons that this time period was fucking awesome, I am only legally allowed to reveal a few:
- I was FINALLY of age to enter a bar without the threat of being kicked out
- It was my senior year in college…and I graduated on time…point Kari
- Spring Break ’09…details to follow in my highly anticipated book
- Beyoncé released “Halo”
A track on her third studio album, “I Am…Sasha Fierce,” Beyoncé really hit the nail on the head with this song. Every time I listen to this jam I just want to sway back and forth and pretend Jay-Z is my husband.
As usual, Beyoncé ran right up to the top of the Billboard Hot 100. “Halo” debuted at number 93 and scooted up to number five…Yeaaa B.
Favises lyrics: “Remember those walls I built/Well, baby they’re tumbling down”
Whenever I hear “Halo,” there is one particular moment that I always flash back to. It was the mid-morning of May 2, 2009…the day my world stopped and I graduated from college. From 11:03 a.m. until 2:56 p.m., I played “Halo” on repeat and cried in my bedroom. This is when I realized the party was over and I was about to crash into real world. So I would like to thank Beyoncé for getting me through that rough time and making me feel pretty.
As for the music video, Sasha is Fierce…I wish I could wear a black leotard, tights and heels as an outfit…don’t we all? Also, do you think B and Jay sit in a chair and stare at each other?
I’ve made a decision…decision made… “Halo” is in the lead to be my wedding song. That is, unless B. Spears covers it.
For my final wish, I have chosen to spend the day with…drumroll please…
John plays the cute and loveable Jim Halpert on “The Office” and he seems to be just as cute and loveable in real life. Too bad Emily Blunt scooped him up and put a ring on John before I could.
On the bright side, John has two older brothers…Kevin and Paul…hopefully single and ready to mingle!
Born Oct. 20, 1979, John is from the classier part of the States…Newton, Massachusetts. I’m gonna hop into my time machine and jump ahead to John’s adult life…he attended Brown University to study theatre arts. I knew I should have weaseled my way into the Ivy Leagues…dammit.
After graduating with honors (he’s so smart), John travelled to New York City and worked towards his dream of becoming an actor.
He appeared in commercials and guest spots on television shows while working as a waiter…you have to pay the bills somehow.
Side note: 11 years ago…John was also a script intern for “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” show.
We really got acquainted with John in March of 2005…when the first episode of “The Office” aired. John plays Jim Halpert and there are three real reasons to love both of these men:
- Jim Halpert loves practical jokes
- Jim Halpert loves Pam…a lot…sigh
- John Krasinski traveled to SCRANTON, PA (where “The Office” is filmed and where I was birthed) to film Scranton landmarks and the clips of the fabulous city that are shown in the opening credits
Along with his thriving TV career, John is starting to make a name for himself outside “The Office.” Mr. Krasinski has starred and/or made cameos in some pretty well known films…let’s make a short list:
- The Holiday
- It’s Complicated
While this list isn’t John’s entire filmography, I have gather this much…he has come into contact with Beyoncé, Kate Winslet, George Clooney and Alec Baldwin <3 I’m such a jelly belly right now.
Okay, I’ve put this off long enough…in 2008 John was set up with his future wife (Emily Blunt) by Anne Hathaway. I guess the first date went well because July 10, 2010 these two beauties got hitched. It’s not like I can be mad at Emily for marrying this fine gentleman. I would have done the same damn thing.
Why would I wish to hang out with John?
This tall glass of water is cute, funny, smart and successful…why wouldn’t a single lady like myself want to hang out with him?! On top of all those great things…he has been to SCRANTON! That’s a man after my own heart.
John – if you are EVER in Scranton, PA again…my mom has a nice castle on the west side that we would be more than happy to have you slumber at. If it’s absolutely necessary, I guess your wife can come too. Call me!
Thank you Beyonce.
Ne-Yo baby #2…huh?!
Woah…hold the phone! I have been blindsided by the news of Ne-Yo having not one, but two children. I feel betrayed, Ne-Yo!
This news has propelled me to dig deeper into this fedora-wearing gentleman’s life. Get ready for another mind blow…Ne-Yo is not the name listed on his birth certificate! I’ll give you have a minute to deal with this.
Okay, apparently Ne-Yo’s name is actually Shaffer Chimere Smith, Jr. and he’s from Arkansas. Was anyone else picturing him to be from the ATL?
It’s one mind blow after another with this man…he also has a girlfriend/baby mama named Monyetta Shaw. Ne-Yo’s lady gave birth to Madilyn Grace Smith (their first child) Nov. 12, 2010. Not waiting a very long time for baby numero dos, Shaw gave birth to the couple’s second child, Mason Evan Smith, last Sunday.
Ne-Yo – the façade is over. That is all.
Lohan’s Wrecked Grill
If it couldn’t get any worse…Lohan’s grill is officially jacked. This bitch has been through a lot…countless drunken nights, rage-filled benders, jail, court, Samantha Ronson, etc. Through it all, Lohan always had her pearly whites…sadly, not anymore.
Last Wednesday, Lindsay attended the THQ launch party and strutted her way down the red carpet. I will give her this…she looked pretty good in her black dress, tanned skin and blonde weave. Once you get to the grill, I’m warning you…whiplash may occur!
According to her brave rep, “Lindsay is widely acknowledged as one of the most stunning actresses of her day, and we get requests every week wanting to do photo shoots with her from top photographers,” Steve Honig, tells PEOPLE.
I don’t know who Lindsay’s publicist is or why (at this point) she is even still paying them, but after this stunt…she/he should. be. fired!
Lindsay – Get some Crest white strips. Let me just say, while Britney did shave her head…she never left the house with jacked up teeth.
Beyoncé’s baby bump not real?!
A video surfaced on the web claiming to show Beyoncé’s baby bump deflating…ruh oh.
The interweb blew up with rumors pointing the finger at the singer (rhyme…point) saying that her pregnancy was fake. There are a few things I know in life and one of them is…you do not defy Mrs. Beyoncé Hova. She could put you six feet under from the other side of the globe.
The rumors became so vicious, that Beyonce’s people were forced to comment. According to ABCNews.com, “Beyoncé’s publicist Yvette Noel-Schure gave a statement to ABCNews.com in response to the prosthetic belly reports: “Stupid, ridiculous and false.” That’s all that needs to be said.
I keep seeing these Match.com commercials which state that “1 in every 5 relationships begin online.” These days, online dating is becoming the norm…one reason why…we are busier than ever. This got me thinking that since celebrities are some of the busiest people, they might benefit from hopping online to find a date or whatever they’re into. I’ve decided to compose a post on which celebs would match up on Match.com.
Rihanna & Drake
As we all know, Beyoncé and Jay-Z currently hold the crown as royal couple of the hip-hop/R&B genres. Rihanna and Drake will have to settle for the princess and prince spot …for now.
These two are meant to be and they are slapping us in the face with their love every time they are within 10 feet of each other. If you’ve ever watched Rihanna’s video for “What’s My Name?” it’s like watching a newlywed couple…equally gross and cute…for us single ladies…more gross than cute.
While these two briefly dated last year, they decided to hold off because of that dumbass Rihanna previously dated (still haven’t forgotten Chris Brown). Rihanna also tried to date that sports guy, but he obviously wasn’t on her level. Hint, hint Rihanna…read the writings on the wall…they say DRAKE!
A few months ago, I heard these two lovebirds were spotted making out in Montreal – Drake is from Canada after all. Hopefully he took RiRi to meet the parents and got this ball rolling. Following the Montreal incident, it was reported that these two want to focus on their careers or want to date around or not in a place to commit…what I’m really hearing is blah, blah, blah. Stop beating around the bush and get it together!
First date location: an exotic island where Rihanna and Drake can get there grove on without the cameras.
Rihanna – I think Drake can go downtown with a girl exactly like you…he will make you feel like the only girl in the world.
Don’t fret – I’ll add more couples who would match up on Match.com throughout the day.
I heard somewhere that it is an unwritten rule that you have to write about the VMAs the day after it airs. I understand, accept this and feel the need to share my thoughts about this year’s event.
Okay, was it just me or did MTV sort of slack off this year? I remember the days where I wouldn’t look away from the television! This year I got random shots of people in their chairs, that poor girl with the crutch looking around and much more. Maybe it was the whole let’s not pay someone to host, but have a guy who acts like a host but not get the credit for it thing. Past hosts including, Chelsea Handler, Russell Brand, and even Diddy made the show more enjoyable! Last night, I was just confused and upset that Lady Gaga was all over the place dressed like a man. I get it, but doesn’t mean I’m not a little mad at her for ruining the Britney tribute. Yea, I said it.
When Justin Bieber brought a snake (who is conveniently named Johnson) to the VMAs and tried to sneak that awkward innuendo past us during the pre-show!
Of course MTV had Biebs gf, Selena Gomez interview him. When Gomez asked him to talk about his outfit, Bieber said, “I have a snake. I have red pants. And I have cheetah shoes.” And what is the snake’s name, asked Selena? Bieber grossly says, “My snake’s name is Johnson.”
Ok Biebs – some of us are actually old enough to know what you are hinting at. I hope someone gave you that birds and the bees talk…if not, there will be a big surprise waiting for you in 9 months.
When the House band singer, Jessie J sang the TLC classic “No Scrubs” after Chris Brown’s performance. Let’s start off with discussing Jessie J. Bless this girls heart, she broke her foot after falling off stage 11 weeks ago and still hoofed it to the VMAs.
Really though, who would cancel that gig? With her bedazzled cast and crutches she did a pretty good job, even though she couldn’t stand up that often. Kudos!
So back to the woman beater, I told you before I would never forget what he did. Brown performed some songs, I honestly couldn’t tell you which ones or spend the time looking them up.
During his performance, I was hoping that a fan or even Jay-Z would throw a shoe at him. Sadly, that didn’t happen. But Jessie J got the last laugh when Brown exited the stage and she broke out into a rendition of “No Scrubs.” Thank you Jessie J, thank you.
Ever since the tribute to Britney was announced, I have lost sleep over the anticipation of finally seeing a dream of mine come true. I was rudely lied to by a few media outlets when they stated the news that Janet Jackson, Madonna, Ke$ha, Katy Perry, among many others would be singing the Britney classics we all know and love. Well Britney, we certainly didn’t get that.
To honor Britney, Lady Gaga came out still dressed as Jo Calderone. She said some wonderfully true things about B. Spears: “She taught us all how to be fearless, and the industry wouldn’t be the same without her.” But of course, she also had to say some weirdly awkward things about B. Spears. Remember when Lady Gaga said she used to hang pictures on of Britney on her wall and proceeded to “touch herself?” I think she should have stuck with saying the nice things.
After the all-dance tribute to Spears was complete, Lady Gaga did one thing right by announcing, “Everyone get the f*ck up!” Britney strutted up to the stage to receive her award and almost engaged in another intimate moment with a lady on the VMAs. Spears abruptly pulled away from Gaga and stated, “No, I’ve done that already.” Remember that time she made out with Madonna on stage and no one saw Xtina do it because they had to get Justin’s reaction? (It’s Britney Bitch!)
Anywho, because of Lady Gaga, I felt that Britney didn’t get a chance to really express her feelings about the Video Vanguard Award. Not that she says much these days, but it still would have been nice to give her a moment.
Hey Britney – an even bigger dream come true would be to meet you! Call me!
Duh! It’s all about Beyoncé and that baby bump! At the end of her performance of “Love on Top,” she dropped the mic, unbuttoned her jacket and showed the world her baby bump. The smile on Jay-Z’s face was epic. It will be nice to have a Lil Hova running around, don’t you think?
With the upcoming Kardashian-Humphries nuptials on the horizon, it got me thinking about all the celebrity wedding invitations that were apparently lost in the mail. Here is my list of invitations that I wish the postal service didn’t lose (because I’m 100% sure I was invited).
Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom
September 27th has become a national holiday in my home. It is the day that my favises Kardashian sister got hitched (whoop, whoop) after only a month of dating! Dreams do come true. The world thought that Kim was going to be the first to get married and we all know how badly she wanted some man, any man to put a ring on it.
While it wasn’t looking good for Kim, the spotlight fell on older sis Kourtney. From what we have seen on “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” I sure hope Kourtney doesn’t tie that knot. I will even go as far as hoofing it to the nearest church and lighting a candle for her. So the point goes to Khloe! Since E! documents every sneeze that the K-Dash sisters emit, we had to expect a Khloe & Lamar wedding special…a 2-hour special as a matter of fact.
Why I’m angry my invite was lost in the mail:
- All of the Kardashians were in the same area – including Rob. <3
- A bunch of other celebs were in attendance, including Chelsea Handler, Kobe Bryant and Kelly Osbourne. I could have done some serious networking.
- There was a Hollywood nightclub-theme reception that Babyface sang at!
Mr. & Mrs. Hova
April 4, 2008 – the union to end all unions occurred. After 6 years of being bf & gf, Jay-Z liked it and finally put a ring on it! With about 40 guests in attendance, this was one event that I wish I knew about. I only needed a two hour notice, the ceremony was a stones throw away in New York!
I should have seen the clues. The day of the wedding there was a tent erected on the roof of Jay-Z’s penthouse, around 60,000 orchid blooms were delivered and DJ Cassidy even spilled some of the beans. According to People.com, “Cassidy mentioned a week ago that he was really excited for Jay Z and Beyoncé’s wedding party to happen, said another source.” Dammit.
Why I’m angry my invite was lost in the mail:
- All three Destiny’s Child members were in attendance. I bet they sang “Independent Women Part I.” Side note, I’m still waiting for my acceptance letter to Charlie’s Angels Boot Camp.
- I could have made the Hova symbol all evening without being judged or kicked out.
- It’s always a wonderful site when Jay-Z straps on a tux.
Britney Spears & Jason Alexander
Let’s be real, I had to include it! While I felt that many believed that this was the start of her downward spiral, I will have to disagree. I am convinced the spiral began when B. Spears and he who shall not be named broke up (hint…lead singer of boy band ‘N Sync). But that is neither here, nor there.
Anywho, January 3, 2004 the Little White Wedding Chapel on the Vegas Strip received a gift from above. Britney Spears and childhood friend, Jason Alexander busted in and got hitched. Don’t worry, the newlyweds scooped up a marriage license at the Clark County Marriage Bureau for $55.
Dear Jamie Spears, since you weren’t available to walk Brit down the aisle, a hotel bellman hopped in your place. No big deal. Britney’s wedding attire included a classy baseball hat, belly shirt and jeans. After the ceremony, a night full of sin ensued. Sadly, 55 hours later the marriage was annulled…boo.
Why I’m angry my invite was lost in the mail:
- Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to have witnessed this?
- The wedding cost a grand total of $200, which included photos, a bouquet and video. That’s a steal compared the what K-Fed cost her.
- The marriage took place at 5:30 a.m. That’s the best part of a night on the town!
Britney – I would have given my left arm to have been present at this wedding. Next time, call me girl. I know you have my digits, I’ve sent them to you a handful of times.