Photo Courtesy: nj.com

Kari is finally ready to speak on this matter. I thought talking in the 3rd person would give my statement more clout…

Anywho…since the glorious news of Katie and Tom’s divorce (#TeamKatie) broke last Friday, I knew without a doubt that Scientology played a substantial role. Let’s be real…any organization that has an aspect called auditing is bad news…and that includes the IRS.

As you can probably guess, I’ve been reading every article I set my pretty eyes on that contains the following words: Tom, Katie, Suri and even Tom’s other children that no one would recognize passing on the street. What I’ve been noticing is that many news outlets (okay, really just E! News) are speculating that Scientology played a role in the divorce. All I have to say is this…ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Photo Courtesy: celebritybabyscoop.com

Of course Scientology played a role! Katie is such a good woman that she even tried to get into it. Remember that time Tom pulled Katie Holmes out in front of basically the whole world right after he jumped on Oprah’s couch? My beautiful flower had all these awkward growths on her face from some Scientology junk they made her drink. WTF Tom!?

Another obvious reason as to why I believe (and everyone else believes that Scientology played a role) is Suri. Little Suri needs to be educated and Tom wants to ship her off to the New Village Leadership Academy in Calabasas where their teaching revolves around “technology.” Since I imagine Suri growing up to be a fierce business woman or a fashionista, studying technology isn’t going to benefit her….it will just derail her potential.

Since Katie and myself were educated by the nuns while attending Catholic school…I believe that Suri should experience the same. While I have my issues with the Catholic school system, I believe I am a better woman for dodging the ruler beatings, learning to say the rosary at record speed, working on my arm muscles by carrying that bible EVERYWHERE, etc. I believe it does instill some valuable life skills which Suri can thrive from.

Finally, Scientology played a major in even locating Katie Holmes. There was an amazing article written by Andrew Morton in the “New York Post” titled, “How Katie was Cast to Play Tom Cruise’s Wife.” The article basically outlines Tom’s and the Church of Scientology’s quest to find him a suitable wife. Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner and Sofia Vergara were all targets to be his next wife. I highly suggest you read the article and see all of Tom’s creepy ways. My favorite line that Morton penned: “Wives may come and go. Scientology is forever.”

Photo Courtesy: popsugar.com

My closing remarks are as follows:

1. Team Katie

2. TTYN Tom

3. If Tom gets custody of Suri…our world as we know it is doomed. See the popular film “Independence Day” for clues on how to survive.

In the end…

Katie – I’m here for you boo. There is a room waiting for you in Scranton, PA. My mom will keep you and Suri safe…Carol isn’t afraid to deck a bitch!

P.S. So excited to see what young, hot man you start dating next! The options are endless!

Photo Courtesy: fark.com

First of all…#TeamKatie

Don’t worry…I have a theory as to why TomKat’s marriage lasted as long as it did. While I’m gathering my thoughts and data and putting them into the idea machine, I wanted to leave you with this photo.

Stay tuned!

P.S. Matt Lauer…you’re next! 

Hi friends,

Sorry I have been missing in action these past few days. I’ve been in the process of finishing up my master’s degree! Don’t believe me? I have the cap and gown to prove it : )

We will be back to our regular scheduled programming on Monday. Thank you all for being a friend.

And Britney…If you’re reading this…The graduation party will continue in the wee hours of the morning. Call me, I know you’re dying to get out.

Hint: “Let me be your hero.”

Enrique Iglesias

Photo Courtesy: enriqueiglesias.ning.com

There are three things that pop into my mind when I hear Enrique’s name:

1. Jennifer Love Hewitt screaming her face off in the music video for Enrique’s jam “Hero.”
2. A beautiful beauty mark
3. Leather pants

Enrique Miguel Iglesias Preysler graced us with his presence May 8, 1975. He was born in Madrid, Spain and you can never say no to a Spanish man.

Fun Facts about Enrique:

Photo Courtesy: enriqueiglesias.ning.com

• He recorded his first demo tape on a cassette tape…remember those?
• Enrique’s dad is Julio Iglesias…he’s sort of a famous Spanish singer…okay he’s really famous.
• Enrique recorded his first album in Toronto
• This handsome man has released a total of nine albums and had completed six world tours…seven if you count this summer’s tour with J.LO!
• He’s been dating tennis star Anna Kournikova since 2001…no one really knows if they are a married or not…for the rest of womankind’s sake… hopefully not.
• Enrique is a TV star…he has guest starred on “How I Met Your Mother” and “Two and a Half Men.”

Out of all of Enrique’s accomplishments, there is one Enrique moment that always sticks out in my mind as the best…ever. You can view it below:

You can probably guess why I deemed this Enrique’s best moment in the history of moments, but I will tell you anyways. He was so, so close to my spiritual goddess The Legendary Miss Britney Spears.

Enrique – See you in A.C. boo!

Love,

Kari

• What type of BFF I am (the awesome one…obvi)
• How to scoop a man by July (still working on this one)
• What kind of sunblock I should wear that compliments my skin type

And the list goes on and on.

As a dedicated Cosmo subscriber, I was surprised to receive a postcard in the mail telling me that they have received a rush in subscriptions and I’ll be receiving my magazine asap. I was totally okay with that, until I read the other side of the postcard which said my subscription would begin with the August issue.

So Cosmo, what happened to the month of July? Does that one not count anymore?

I tweeted Cosmo a few days ago about this debacle…no response of course. Can someone explain this to me? I would like to know how this is a good business practice.

P.S. If you haven’t figured it out yet…I’m upset!

‘Follow the Leader’

Photo Courtesy: dailymail.co.uk

In real life…this is Wisin & Yandel’s song and it features J.Lo as a guest. Since J.Lo does not play second banana to anyone, many people (myself included) probably assume that this is solely a J.Lo jam. After I watched the video, I pondered the following thought: Who the hell are those two weirdys next to Jenny (from da Bronx)?

Those weirdys are Wisin & Yandel and they are described as a Puerto Rican reggaeton duo. These two have been around for years…since 1998 to be exact. Surprisingly, I have a personal experience with these two gentlemen.

When I was a freshman in college, one of my friends told me about this new song she just had to play for me and my roommate. The song was called “Noche De Sexo” and once I heard four seconds of it…I was in love. Along with being in love, I had no idea what the song meant until…now.

Anywho, J.Lo stars in Wisin & Yandel’s song/music video for “Follow the Leader” and kills it. Who knew J.Lo could do parkour and look so cool with a chest piece? Yet another reason she is my almost spiritual goddess.

Okay, let’s recap…

1. Do not challenge J.Lo to any sort of anything…she will always come out on top.
2. Get a chest piece that contains a Spanish word to impress others.
3. When you follow the leader…the leader is really J.Lo.
4. Learn Spanish in order to break into Spanish rap game.
5. J.Lo and I do have one thing in common…when we are both on the floor, our hips are in charge.

J.Lo – See you (and your boo Casper) in AC aka the Vegas of the East Coast. Love, your bodiqua.

Anywho…without further ado.

Clive Owen

Photo Courtesy: tsminteractive.com

This past weekend my roommates and I watched the movie “Duplicity,” starring Julia Roberts and the handsome, handsome Clive Owen. Since the actor whips his shirt off many times during the two-hour film, I decided to share the wealth and post this topless beauty on my blog!

Even though Clive is a tad older than me…23 years older to be exact…I’m not ashamed to admit that I would do questionable things if I was ever in his orbit. Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t either…he’s from the UK for Christ’s sakes. Accents get most, if not all, women every damn time…that’s one of the four things I have learned from reading Cosmo month after month.

Clive’s career began with television roles and on the stage. Being in the acting game since 1987, it wasn’t until 1991 when Clive really turned heads with the film “Close My Eyes.” The film portrayed a brother and sister who were having a love affair. If that’s not a head turner…wait till you hear this gem! Clive did a full-frontal nude scene for the film…yea, that would turn my head too.

Photo Courtesy: clive-daily.livejournal.com

Mr. Owen has been in many films, TV shows and stage productions, but I want to highlight my favise Clive film to date…”Derailed.” This was my first Clive experience and besides starring Jennifer “prettier than Angelina” Aniston, this film is the definition of the term mind blow. Since I don’t want to spill the beans, I won’t go into the plot at all, but after you see the film you will be derailed along with Clive and Jennifer.

Sadly, Clive has a wife in real life…her name is Sarah-Jane Fenton and they have been married since 1995. If that isn’t bad enough, the couple has two daughters…Hannah and Eve.

Guess there is no hope for this bitch, but if “Derailed” tells me anything…

Clive – Call a lady!

Photo Courtesy: wallpapers8.com

Occasionally I like to creep on iTunes for new songs that I can’t live without and at $1.29 a pop I better not be able to live without them! Anywho, I came across musical bad ass Kylie Minogue and her new single “Time Bomb.”

As usual, Kylie has yet to disappoint and anyone who can wear a dress made out a few pieces of string and three scraps of fabric is a hero in my book. Hint: watch the whole music video and you will see what I mean.

After watching “Time Bomb,” this spurred me to look up some older Kylie jams and I came across my all-time favise Kylie song…”Red Blooded Woman.” As they say, you don’t choose what you love, it chooses you…and in this case that’s 100% truth.

“Red Blooded Woman” can be found on Kylie’s ninth studio album “Body Language,” released in 2003. The song did really well in the UK, reaching the number four spot and not too bad in the U.S…reaching number 24 on the Billboard Hot Dance Club Party chart (yes, this exists).

Favise lyrics: “You’ll never get to heaven if you’re scared of getting high”

While I love the song, I love the video even more! Now that I drive to and from work, I get stuck in the occasional rage-blackout inducing traffic jam. If I just take Kylie’s approach, I can reduce my blood pressure and probably meet some new people along the way. Let me explain.

In the musical video interpretation of “Red Blooded Woman,” Kylie get stuck in traffic. Instead of blacking out and/or lighting up a cigarette like the rest of the traffic participants, Kylie exits the vehicle and dances provocatively along the highway. Now my question is…why didn’t I think of this?

Kylie – Thank you for giving me something constructive to do while in traffic. I will be forever grateful.

Photo Courtesy: theprophetblog.net

Kelly Clarkson’s new music video for “Dark Side” has hit the Interweb!

While I was praying for “Let Me Down” to be the American Idol’s third single off “Stronger,” I’ll admit that “Dark Side” is a good jam…especially when you have the privilege to hear it live. You can really hear that famous Clarkson rage.

Anywho, the video isn’t a favorite of mine, but I have to support Team Clarkson and show it to my millions of followers! And by millions…I mean my mom, roommates and the cats <3

I have to say, Kelly is looking good! Get it girl.

Courtesy of http://www.theskykid.com

Hanson

Created in 1992, this boy band made it big in 1997 with their tune MMMBop. While not their first venture into fame, the single went platinum and my locker roommate Lorena (whats up girl?!) put pictures of them all over the doors of our cubby. Still a hit every time its played on the radio, dance floor, or reunion, the band is probably sick of these lyrics. But how can we not include them? They are so women friendly!

Oh yeah oh oh
So hold on the ones who really care
In the end they’ll be the only ones there
And hen you get old and start losing your hair
Tell me who will still care
Can you tell me who will still care?
Oh care

The brothers regrouped after a decade of independent attempts at fame and fortune in 2010, and released their latest album “Shout it Out!” Their first single Thinking ’bout Somethin didn’t do so well on the charts, but that’s only because everyone just wanted to hear them perform MMMBop. The single is pretty good though, featuring some pro-women moments we all can learn to love.

Well, I gave you love, you know it
So when did you outgrow it?
And decide that you would find another man
Well, you’ve been out there shakin’
Tell the boys you’re chasing
When you get home, I’ll be the bigger man

Although the album was a little lack-luster in its sales, the brothers are becoming increasingly known for their covers of bands like “Slipknot” and Carly Rae Jepsen (I’m not kidding, its a hilarious cover). Philanthropically, the band has also raised money to help poverty stricken children in Africa and the TOMS shoes, shoe drop. In 2009 the band joined the Independent Music Award panel to gain some street cred. Right on boys, right on…

Courtesy of sgnsgss.blogspot.com