The WB was the best television network…ever
Throughout my teenage years and even now in my twenties, I’ve run into numerous situations where I’ve needed guidance. While I, of course, had my mom and friends to consult, there were some scenarios where only Buffy, Joey Potter or Liz Parker could help.
If those names sound familiar, then you were a fan of The WB network…and what a great network it was.
The WB network debuted January 11, 1995, but didn’t start gaining some traction until 1997 – the year of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy brought much success, so much so that the network decided to focus on the teen demographic. Thank God they did, where else would I have learned how to navigate the mean streets of high school?
What I am about to write in this paragraph is so important, it deserves its own paragraph. January 20, 1998 was when The WB debuted a show that is described as the network’s “signature series” and I couldn’t agree more. That series is Dawson’s Creek…obviously…it sure as hell wasn’t 7th Heaven.
Dawson and the gang brought in the network’s highest ratings, with the pilot ranking in 6.8 million viewers and the series finale, which was watched by 7.8 million viewers. Because of the success of Buffy and Dawson’s, The WB introduced us to Roswell, Angel, Felicity, Charmed, Popular, Young Americans and so many more beloved shows.
Below is a promo for network that debuted 13 years ago. It’s filled with so many familiar friends. I almost cried from all the memories that came at me like a wrecking ball…get it?
On a side note, I would like to point out that Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx were both in this promo. Maybe those dating rumors do have some truth to them. Get. It. Katie.
Kelis’ milkshake brought all the boys to the yard?
I certainly remember and I’m still wondering what the Kelis version of a milkshake actually means. According to Urban Dictionary, a milkshake could be:
- What “brings all the boys to the yard” and causes them to fall in love with you and do whatever you want.
- If you’re milkshake is really good you don’t even have to ask, they do it automatically.
- A milkshake is a female’s mojo. Something that can’t be taught but you are born with. Either you have it or you don’t.
Now that we have solved that mystery, “Milkshake” is a jam by R&B/Hip-Hop star Kelis that was released Aug. 25, 2005. You can locate it on the album titled, “Tasty.” I am deeming this song an oldie, but still a God damn goodie.
“Milkshake” reached number three on the Billboard Hot 100 and is considered Kelis’ best charting song to date. Let’s be real…it’s her only good song.
What I think really makes this song awesome is the music video. It consists of Kelis entering a diner called Tasty’s Yard and dancing seductively with an actual milkshake for three minutes. Keep an eye out for a Nas cameo. Side note: Nas used to be hitched to Kelis but the couple divorced in 2009 when Kelis was seven months pregnant…sad face.
Anywho…favise lyrics: “I could teach you, but I have to charge” | favise part of music video: when Kelis is gyrating on the diner counter.
Moral of this story…shake your milkshake and the boys will come running.
Jesse Metcalfe was a celebrity?
Ahh yes. You remember Jesse…he played Eva Longoria’s gorgeous gardener on “Desperate Housewives.”
Let’s be real…no one blames Eva for breaking the 7th or 8th commandment and getting intimate with him. She couldn’t disappoint the women of America!
Anywho, Mr. Metcalfe was born Dec. 9, 1978 in Carmel Valley, California…he is 33 years young and still no sign of wrinkles!
Jesse kickstarted his acting career where most stars get their debut…on the soaps. Jesse played Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald on NBC’s ”Passions.”
Then in 2004, Jesse landed the role of gardener John Rowland…sigh. Fun Fact: Jesse has actual landscaping experience! He worked for his stepfather’s landscaping business back when he was a teenager. In an article with USAToday, Jesse revealed “I can mow lawns, weed-whack, plant flowers. Whatever you need me to do.” What a man!
Obviously, the next step for Jesse was the big screen. In 2006, Jesse starred in his first film “John Tucker Must Die” alongside Sophia Bush and Brittany Snow. It was a typical high school movie, which means I loved it. Surprisingly, the film made a little over $68 million worldwide.
At this point, Jesse was living the dream. But things started to go downhill…quickly. In March of 2007 Jesse checked into rehab for alcoholism…sad face.
Following that, Jesse had the unfortunate mishap of falling off a balcony in 2008. No, not kidding. While hosting the World Music Awards, Jesse was hanging out and sitting on the ledge of a balcony. All of a sudden he toppled backwards and fell about 30 feet! His rep told the media that Jesse had a “couple of glasses of champagne.” Umm…wasn’t he in rehab for that?
After a few years of starring in movies no one has seen, Jesse is really trying for that thing called a comeback. He landed a role on the reboot of the classic TV series “Dallas,” which is premiering in June.
Jesse – I am here to offer you a few tips on a successful comeback:
- For a real life example, call Britney instead of Lindsay
- Don’t swear on live TV
- No drinking around balconies
- If in doubt…just take your shirt off
Good Luck – Love, Kari
Snooki was drunk all the time
So I’ll say it…I’m not entirely happy that Snooki is with child. I’m sorry, but I can’t hide my feelings any longer. I spent a majority of last weekend watching the “Jersey Shore” marathon on the TV and appreciated the fact that Snooki would drink until she fell over. It’s harder than you think…it’s a full-time job. During these benders, Snooki taught me how to Snook for love for goodness sakes! I think I’m crying.
Even though Snooki is engaged to Jionni and the happy couple is expecting a baby…I wanted to share some of my favise Snooki moments and reminisce on the good times.
Remember when Snooki couldn’t find the beach?
Remember when Snooki and Deena were cruising in Italy and Snooki slammed into a police car?
Remember when MTV constructed a life-sized hamster ball and plopped Snooki inside? What a way to ring in 2011.
Typically, I would address Snooki with a sassy comment at this point, but I can’t sass a pregnant woman…I do have some morals. So this one goes out to Deena. Girl if you need someone to hit up the bar or club with you…I’m available day or night.
Rihanna played “Russian Roulette”
I am finally ready to discuss the Rihanna and Chris Brown remixes.
These days Chris Brown seems to be everywhere my little ears are. So I must ask…will someone punch me in the ears? I’ll give you a free shot…or five.
Like all the other independent woman out there, the last place I expected to hear Chris Brown was on a Rihanna track! And the last place I expected to hear Rihanna was on a Chris Brown track!
If you’ve been M.I.A the past few days, let me give you the 411. Chris Brown is featured on the remix for Rihanna’s song “Birthday Cake” and Rihanna is featured on a remix of Brown’s “Turn Up the Music.” Both tracks were released this past Monday.
Precious Rihanna even tweeted about the remix…
Ever since Brown hurt this national treasure, there has always been the “Are they or aren’t they back together” rumor.
Not surprisingly there has been a boatload of outrage about Rihanna and Brown collaborating. Basically, people can’t believe Rihanna is associating with Chris Brown again…and I don’t blame them!
This controversy made me think about a time when Rihanna was so sad and sang about playing “Russian Roulette.” You can hear her pain pouring out in the lyrics. Rihanna’s pain = my pain.
Rihanna…stay strong boo.
Chris Brown…Nope, still haven’t forgotten.
Brandy and Monica were fighting over Mekhi Phifer?
I just got word that R&B singers Brandy and Monica are collaborating on a new track titled, “It All Belongs to Me.” Released yesterday, you will be able to find this single on Monica’s upcoming album “New Life” due out in April.
This news reminded me of an epic song released by the Grammy-winning duo back in 1998…”The Boy is Mine.”
This jam spent 13 weeks at the top of the Billboard Hot 100 and the single sold 2,591,000 copies! Along with all that jazz, Brandy and Monica received the Grammy for Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal.
While I do love this song, I love the music video even more. It depicts Brandy and Monica fighting over the beautifully handsome (yes, I said it) Mekhi Phifer.
My favise part of the video is when Brandy and Monica are fighting in the hallway, saying:
Monica: The boy is mine, not yours
Brandy: But mine!
Monica: Not yours!
Brandy: But mine!
Monica: Not yours!
Brandy: But mine!
At the end, Mekhi knocks on Brandy’s door and both ladies are waiting for him.
I made a decision, decision made: This video is empowering to women!
Khloe & Lamar hawked a unisex fragrance
Since E! thinks no one knows who Khloe Kardashian is and/or who Lam Lam is, the network is running the promo for Season 2 of Khloe & Lamar (debuting Feb. 19th) every 4.6 seconds. For some ungodly reason I continue to sit on my precious ass and watch the preview over and over again. This promo reminded me of another promotion Khloe and Lam Lam were involved in…
Ahh yes…Unbreakable! In the words of Scott Disick: Strong enough for a man, sensitive enough for a woman.
Let me start with this declarative sentence…Khloe Kardashian is my favise Kdash sister. I don’t care if she is a Kardashian, a Trump or from Mars…I love her. She’s got spunk, sass and the best jokes in the history of jokes. Did I take that one too far?
Anywho, there is just something about this commercial that makes me feel like a weirdy. I think it’s the fact that Khloe and Lam Lam are talking about sharing a scent…I’m not a wolf…I don’t need to share a scent.
Well that isn’t true, I do share a scent. My choice scent is Fantasy by Britney Spears…available at Macy’s. But that is a socially acceptable scent to share! By purchasing Fantasy by Britney Spears…I not only smell like heaven but I am also helping start a college fund for Jayden James. People helping people…it’s a beautiful thing.
Maybe Kris Jenner forced Khloe and Lam Lam to do this? I just picture Kris Jenner explaining the business idea to the Unbreakable couple and Khloe laughs so hard she pees or bitch slaps Jenner across the face.
I guess it’s about time I address the Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel engagement. Yes, it’s true…Justin’s grandma spilled the beans. Let me first say that I am not happy about this for a few reasons:
- I’m not a fan of Jessica Biel and her workout regimen. I mean what woman could look that jacked. She could snap Timberlake in half.
- Justin didn’t write any songs for her. All of his angry songs are for Britney and that one about marriage was for Cameron Diaz!
- They broke up and reunited…doesn’t seem legit to me.
- Justin has now been spotted with a full beard. He’s already letting himself go.
- Jessica Biel is not Britney. Sorry Jessica but I don’t recall you and Justin wearing matching denim outfits to an award show.
Okay, that’s more than a few. It seems I am more upset about this than I thought. Since I am forced to live with this news, (in the words of Hilary Duff) let’s go back, back to the beginning.
Remember When…Jessica Biel was the daughter of a pastor?
Of course, the one show that Jessica Biel is known for, I disliked the most. I mean who wanted to see kids make bad decisions and then have a religious/family moment at the end? Not real life.
If you didn’t watch “7th Heaven,” I’ll give you a little summary:
Reverend Camden is a Protestant minister who is super serious about doing good and being good. Reverend Camden and his wife Annie have seven children! The show follows the family through all their ups and downs for 10 seasons. Jessica Biel played Mary Camden…the bad seed.
Obviously being on “7th Heaven” gave all the characters a good, wholesome image. Jessica Biel got sick of this and decided to pose partially nude for Gear magazine at the age of 17. This didn’t go over well with the producers and Jessica was written off the show…fail.
According to Wikipedia: “During season five, her character goes through a rebellious phase, and this storyline was used to write Biel out of the show, sending Mary to her grandparents’ house in Buffalo for some tough love to counter her rebellious behavior. During season six, Mary returned home, but the differences between Biel and the producers led to Mary leaving home full-time and becoming a flight attendant.”
In the end, getting kicked off “7th Heaven” wasn’t a completely bad idea. I mean she did land Timberlake and has starred in some pretty big movies. For example, “The A-Team” and “Valentine’s Day.” Lesson: posing partially nude can bring you good things.
Jessica – Isn’t it funny that Britney Spears just got engaged…think about that one.
Jennifer Garner was a secret agent?
Ever since my childhood, I wanted to be recruited by the CIA, wear sweet spandex/leather outfits and save the world in a 60-minute time frame. I am still waiting for the CIA to call, but in the meantime I’ve been training by jumping from my loft bed to the floor while holding an egg on a spoon. Let’s just say, I am 0 for 176.
You’re probably thinking, “didn’t most girls dream to be a princess or the first female president (like Hillary Clinton did)?” Yes, most girls did, but I am not your typical lady. My secret agent dreams stemmed from one woman…Jennifer Garner aka Sydney Bristow and the ABC action/drama “Alias.”
Beginning Sept. 30, 2001 and wrapping up May 22, 2006, “Alias” tells the story of Sydney and her career as a secret agent, black ops agent, double agent, etc. I know that seems like an extremely simple summary of five action-packed seasons, but simple is not a way to describe this show.
“Alias” is one of those that you have to watch from the very first episode and not blink for the entire series. If you blink you will miss something and be lost forever. J.J Abrams is the creative genius behind “Alias,” so it was meant to be a mind blow.
Along with Jennifer, “Alias” had a bitchin cast:
- Victor Garber played Jack Bristow…an actual Canadian silver fox…can’t get better than that
- Michael Vartan took on the role of Michael Vaughn…on the show he was Sydney’s beau and in real life he dated Jen Garner
- Bradley Cooper played Will Tippin…he played Syndey’s bff…but Cooper’s character was placed in the witness protection program after season three and was rarely seen…boo
Liking this show was a tad out of character for me, but here are a few reasons why I was glued to ABC when Sydney and company were kicking ass:
- The entire series was empowering to women…point Jennifer
- The double and triple super secret agents taught me how to repel down the side of a building
- I learned that memory loss can occur to the point that you forget who your fiancé is and it could take an ENTIRE season to figure it out…ugh
- Secret agents wear sweet costumes
- Watching Jennifer beat the hell out of grown men makes a nice way to end a long day
If you are looking to watch past the time, I highly recommend re-watching/renting/streaming “Alias.” The cliffhangers were so intense that I still have trouble sleeping. This was a piece of TV gold and I’m actively campaigning for a movie reboot!
Jennifer – Thanks for the memories and planting the secret agent dream in my mind. If you could do me a favor and place a good word with the CIA…I would be forever grateful. I must go back to training. See you at the baby shower!
Michelle Branch was a pop singer?
Do you remember the first time you heard “Everywhere” by Michelle Branch? Well, I do. I was in my mom’s castle in beautiful Scranton, PA watching “Total Request Live” (Hey Carson) and this song rightfully popped up on the countdown. I was instantly memorized. How could a song encompass all of my teenage feelings? Michelle Branch became my spiritual leader.
Michelle Jacquet DeSevren Branch was birthed July 2, 1983 in Sedona, Arizona. She began exercising her vocal pipes at the age of three and was given her first guitar at the age of 14. Within the first week of receiving her guitar, Michelle taught herself some chords and wrote her first song, “Fallen.” Now that is legit.
Hop into the time machine and set the dial to 1999…Michelle posted two of her songs on the “Rolling Stone” website, which lead to the pop singer opening up for Hanson on two separate occasions…MmMm Bop!
When Aug. 2001 rolled around, it was a good year for the singer. She was signed to a record label and her first studio album; “The Spirit Room” was released. This CD packed such hits as “All You Wanted,” “Goodbye to You” and “I’d Rather Be in Love” (favise).
Remember that time Michelle collaborated with Santana and won a Grammy? These two teamed up in 2002 and recorded “Game of Love.” Check it!
On to the next…Michelle’s second album, “Hotel Paper,” was released to the masses in 2003 and gave us such gems as “Are You Happy Now?” “Tuesday Morning” and “Breathe.” She spoke to my soul with these songs. Especially “Are You Happy Now?” I will remind you…this song was released before the man-hating Clarkson days.
When 2005 rolled around, Michelle hit a speed bump and broke my heart. She formed The Wreckers and decided to go country. Ugh. Jessica Harp, Michelle’s backup singer and friend was one half of this female duo group. I felt betrayed! Was this Jessica trying to steal Michelle’s thunder? I absolutely raged out when I found out they were trying to add a splash of country music…not okay. Let’s just say The Wreckers split in 2007.
While this country music disaster was going on, Michelle decided to get hitched to her bass play, Teddy Landau in 2004…she also popped out a baby girl (Owen Isabelle) in Aug. 2005. Goodness, has it been that long? It seems just like yesterday when I was sending the Branch baby a gift.
Back to the beats…it’s been a few years and I’ve never stopped giving up hope that Michelle would start singing strictly pop just like the old days. Finally, Santa answered one of my letters. In Dec. 2010, the Branch camp announced that Michelle was going back to her roots! Her new pop album, “West Coast Time” will be released sometime in 2012. In order to hold you over, listen to “Loud Music” which is her first single off the upcoming album.
Michelle – I’m not kidding when I say this…I dressed up as you for Halloween back in the day. I’m dedicated. Welcome back!