Songs That Could Have Been

I always love hearing about songs that were originally offered to one artist and the other artist who was wise enough to take said jam and run all the way up the musical charts.

For example, did you know that Since You’ve Been Gone was originally offered to Hilary Duff, but Lil Lizze Mcguire turned that shit down. As we all know, Kelly Clarkson picked that up and it was a HUGE hit. I will say that I am a fan of H. Duff, but I can only imagine Clarkson conveying that deep, deep man rage.

Another example…Nicole Scherzinger was offered We Found Love but turned it down because she was “busy at the time.” Who’s wearing the regret cap now, eh Nicole?! 

There are tons of hit songs out there that were originally written for one artist and were scooped up by others. It’s like these pop singers sit around trading these songs like baseballs cards or something. Below is one song that fits this particular bill and the other two are just covers that I really like. Guess which one is which and you’ll win a prize!

Beyoncé – In Da Club

Remember when 50 Cent blew us out of the water with this song? Well shorty…just like every thing else…Beyonce did it better. Boom.

Britney Spears  – Telephone

While the Britney version is 98% autotuned…I obviously like this better than the GaGa version. You’re probably thinking “typical Kari response.” Well I don’t like change so…Britney forever!

Alanis Morissette – My Humps

Alanis has turned this upbeat, dance jam into a slow, slow jam that sounds like she wrote this crying alone in a dark room. I’m still waiting for someone to answer the question: What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?

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My Summer Song Has Arrived: “West Coast”

Photo Courtesy: www.idolator.com

Photo Courtesy: http://www.idolator.com

Even though I am a fan of the East Coast, Lana Del Rey is putting up a pretty good argument for the West Coast.

Debuting this jam at Coachella, this will be the first single off of Lana’s third studio album “Ultraviolence” and I couldn’t be happier.

While this isn’t the official music video, take a look at Lana spinning around on the beach with some oddly good-looking dude with long beautiful blonde locks.

As we know, I am a fan of the redic lyrics Lana sings and this time is no different. Lyrics to listen out for:

On the balcony and I’m singing / Ooh baby, ooh baby, I’m in love / I can see my sweet boy swinging / He’s crazy and Cubano como yo my love

Be on the lookout for a black on black Ford Fiesta blasting this song all. summer. long.

 

 


Remember When…Lil’ Kim was the Queen Bee?

Yes, before Beyoncé was Beyoncé.

Growing up, Lil’ Kim was the first celebrity I thought was a boss before I even knew what the word boss meant (Sorry, Brit). I did idolize Lil’ Kim for a number of reasons, mostly because she did whateverrr she wanted and pulled it off. 

I believe it was last year’s VMAs when Lil’ Kim came out of hiding to present. I was beyond pumped. The words Lil’ Kim is backkkkkkkkk was scrolling through my brain. After Queen Bee stepped off stage…I felt sad. She just was the same baddest bitch that I remember.

In order to relive the good old days, listed below are my three most memorable baddest bitch moments.

3. Spending Some Quality Time in the Slammer

Photo Courtesy: www.mtv.com

Photo Courtesy: http://www.mtv.com

You don’t get to be a bad bitch without having a stint in jail…just ask Lindsay. Back in 2005, Lil’ Kim was sentenced to a year and a day in jail and fined $50,000 for lying in regards to a shootout outside a radio station in Manhattan.

Allegedly Lil’ Kim lied about whether two members of her entourage were at the scene of the shootout. I say allegedly because I know Queen Bee would never lie like that! Check out her comeback at the 2006 VMAs.

2. Putting the Range in Da Rover

This song never gets old. I also think it’s one of Kim’s most well-known jams. The jam, which can be found on La Bella Mafia, was produced by Timberland and features a Mr. Cheeks.

This song includes a number of controversial lyrics, including one about a Sprite can…but my favorite lyric of all time is: I’m the one that put the “Range” in the “Rover.” It has become my mantra.

1. Purple Pasty

Ah yes. You all know what I’m referring to. Let’s go back, back to the 1999 VMA Awards. Lil’ Kim rolls onto the red carpet with basically an entire breast exposed…I think she was going for that mermaid look. That outfit choice took a lot of guts and I’m still wondering what kind of glue she used.

This outfit is not only memorable for the whole boob exposed thing, but also for the fact that Lil’ Kim was felt up by the one and only Diana Ross. Can’t remember? Don’t worry, here’s the video.

Ok, so there are my most memorable Lil’ Kim moments. Please share your favs…let’s relive the glory days together.


That Voice Came from Where?!

Did you ever listen to a song and picture what the person looked like in your mind before you saw what they actually looked like? I tend to do that a lot since I listen to Spotify for almost 8 hours a day. What else am I supposed to do at work?! Oops, can’t say that. :)

One song that I have caught myself listening to over and over again is “Love Me Again” by John Newman. When I first heard this song, I picture John Newman as a more fit Zac Brown. Well, I must say I was totally wrong. When I actually saw what John Newman looked like, I got a slight case of whiplash.

In case you haven’t heard this jam, please watch this video where you can’t see what John Newman looks like. See below:

So do you have a mental picture of what John Newman looks like? Ok, I’m about ready to blow your mind:

Photo Courtesy: www.last.fm

Photo Courtesy: http://www.last.fm

Now tell me that wasn’t what you expected to see! I’m still in disbelief that this man is actually singing this song.

Since we are already talking about John Newman, here are some fun facts in order to help you get to know John a bit better:

  • He is 23 years old and from the UK.
  • John has woken up in a jail cell before (into it). He was arrested for cruising mopeds on other people’s property. I was hoping for indecent exposure or something real wild.
  • He worked as a glass collector (unsure if this is what I think it means) and a bartender before venturing to music.

As for his relationship status, sorry ladies, John has a significant other. In the words of Regina George…boo you whore.


‘Tropico’ is 27 Minutes in Heaven

Photo Courtesy: www.hypable.com

Photo Courtesy: http://www.hypable.com

This week, Lana Del Rey released her short film Tropico. I have been anticipating this film’s debut similar to anticipation I feel towards the first day of spring…only because Rita’s gives away free water ice.

Anywho, I knew Lana was cool, but I didn’t know she had the power to resurrect some prominent individuals. Jesus Christ, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis and even John Wayne all make cameos throughout the film. As for Lana, she takes on the acting challenge of various characters as well. She plays Eve…from Adam and Eve, a bodiqua stripper and a ride or die chick with her onscreen boo Shaun Ross. Oh and Lana also portrays the Virgin Mary…really sticking it to the church with that one.

Body ElectricGods and Monsters and Bel-Air are the jams Lana sings in the film, which are off of the album Born to Die: The Paradise Edition. Lana also earned more cool points with me because she boasts two teardrop tats on her face and the phrase “Just A Bitch” on her lower stomach. Such a boss thing to do.

To be totally honest, I literally have no clue what Lana was trying to tell me in this short film. But thinking about it again, I realize that maybe that’s ok. I don’t have to understand everything around me…I only need to understand the fact that Lana Del Rey is telling me she’s a creative genius. Take that, Kanye.

Watch Tropico below:

On another Lana note, she announced the name of her next album. It will be called Ultraviolence. Into it already.


The 5 Stages of a Breakup: Justin Timerberlake

Photo Courtesy: entertainment.ca.msn.com

Photo Courtesy: entertainment.ca.msn.com

There aren’t many topics that make me want to enter a heated debate, but I will argue with anyone on this planet about how Justin Timberlake still loves Britney Spears. Let’s be real, when you wear matching jean outfits in public, that’s eternal love.

If you listen to Justin’s new and old jams, you can clearly hear that he’s not over Britney. I am about to lay out the 5 stages of a breakup and show you in musical form how JT is still coping.

Please note: Some songs may not be in order of release. Everyone deals with grief differently, you know?

1. DenialWhat Goes Around…Comes Around was released around the same time that Britney was splitting up with K-Fed. Coincidence? I think not. I put this jam in the denial slot because even though Brit and JT broke up in 2002, he is still in denial about the fact that she cheated on him. It was a poor choice on her part, but she did apologize.

Justin sings Don’t want to think about it / Don’t want to talk about it / I’m just so sick about it / Can’t believe it’s ending this way. Poor guy.

2. Anger – Ok, we get it…Britney got with another dude, but did you have to find a girl who looks extremely similar to your ex for your music video? You get this one for free, Timberlake.

3. Bargaining – Cheating was a deal breaker for JT and he has definitely held his ground on that front. I give Brit the blame here, she should’ve picked honesty, then she may not have blown it. Please refer to song in stage 2.

4. Depression – Remember when Justin went on a musical hiatus from 2007 until 2012 to focus on his “acting?” He was actually in a dark room covered in Britney posters while drinking heavily. He wrote a song called Drink You Away where he states “I can’t drink you away.” Neither could Britney, boo.

5. Acceptance – Let’s be real, there is no acceptance where Britney is concerned. That flame will never burn out. Since my brain and heart cannot fathom that idea that Mirrors is about Jessica Biel, I will award Britney the point.

As you can see, I clearly have too much time on my hands. #TeamBritney


Gaga Drags R. Kelly Out Da Closet

Photo Courtesy: www.eonline.com

Photo Courtesy: http://www.eonline.com

Remember when Lady Gaga was your ordinary, run-of-the-mill pop star? Yes, I’m bringing it back to those days when she was rocking leotards and poking faces.

I enjoyed those days. She was what she was…and that was a woman who could sing catchy pop songs. Well, I must have been in quite the heavy blackout because next thing you know Gaga is acting like a spiritual leader of sorts. She even allowed herself to be reborn…take that Jesus.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Gaga does great things as an activist, but the songs on Artpop still seem like just pop songs. I’m not the only one who is thinking this stuff. The reviews for Artpop aren’t exactly kneeling at her alter.

As everyone knows, I do enjoy a damn good pop song and Gaga does deliver in that regard. Case in point: Do What U Want feat. R. Kelly.

Lyrics I would like to comment on:

Lady Gaga: I feel good, I walk alone/But then I trip by myself and I fall/I, I stand up, and then I’m okay

Kari: Is this what inspiration feels like?

Lady Gaga: So do what you want/What you want with my body/Do what you want/Don’t stop, let’s party

Kari: Inappropriate for anyone under 18. For the over 18 crowd, this is a great opening line at the bar or other types of social gatherings.

R. Kelly: Do what I want/Do what I want with your body/Ya we taking these haters and we roughin’ ‘em up/And we laying a cut like we don’t give a fuck

Kari: I never realized until this moment that R. Kelly is the Maya Angelou of our time. Someone call Oprah!

After listening to this song on repeat pretty much all day, I have to say I’m glad Lady Gaga could convince Kells to exit the closet and drop some beats.


Some Good ‘Bangerz’

Miley-Cyrus-Bangerz-Album-Cover

Photo Courtesy: http://mashable.com

At some point last week, Miley Cyrus release her new album, Bangerz, and Spotify suggested I give it a listen. While Spotify doesn’t always hit the nail on the head, I figured it was my duty as an American to give the album a spin.

Overall, I’m into it. Of course there are some songs I don’t like and don’t understand. For example 4×4, #GETITRIGHT, Love Money Party and My Darlin’. I won’t post these songs, you can Google them. But if you’ve heard them, you know what I’m talking about.

Ok, let’s get down to business. Here are my top 3 Miley Bangerz:

Someone Else

I know, I know, another breakup song. I’m saving up money to speak with a professional about my feelings. Feel free to donate to the cause.

Anywho, Someone Else, sounds like Miley was changing her ways for a gentleman. Ladies, haven’t we all felt this way? Well obviously she slammed on the breaks when she realized that was happening. #StrongerThanYesterday.

FU 

Jeez Liam, you must have really pissed Miley off.

Drive

This is my favorite banger on the whole album, besides Wrecking Ball of course. And yes, it’s another sad song about being alone. I really do need some type of counseling.

Miley, you did a great job of organizing these tracks. I felt like this album was the evolution of your love story with Liam Hemsworth. I could tell you really had it with his shit by track six. You go girl.


Music Videos Still Exist

I know MTV doesn’t care, but I love a good music video. Recently, a lot of entertaining ones have been released. I would like to share a few of my new favs.

23

Say hello to Mike WiLL Made-It — ft. Miley Cyrus, Juicy J & Wiz Khalifa. I honestly have no idea why I’m into this song. I really don’t even know what it’s about, but I find myself listening to it quite frequently.

I have actually thought about this being my theme song when I walk into places such as malls, grocery stores and even work. Anyways, my favorite part of the music video is watching Miley Cyrus be a BAMF.

Does anyone else want to sit on a basketball hoop and rap? I know I do.

Hold On, We’re Going Home

This music video mashes all of life’s most beautiful things: Drake, the year 1985 and A$AP Rocky. Watching this music video is like 7 minutes in heaven…really, the music video is 7 minutes long. It chronicles Drake saving his lady from a kidnapper. It’s really beautiful, you’ll see.

Does anyone else wish that Drake would dress like Miami Vice from now on?

Work Bitch

Obviously you had to see this one coming, right? I have to say, I really enjoyed watching this music video. It made me feel exotic, when in reality I was sitting on the couch with the cats.

I have a few favorite parts that I must share:

1. How do I get a vanity set in the desert? I would like to place mine approximately 2 feet from Brit’s. I’m trying to borrow that perfume.

2. Does the dancing scene with the gloves remind anyone of the Me Against the Music era?

3. God, Britney looks GREAT! The weave, dance moves and facial expressions are all in check.

Britney, I’m so, I’m so, I’m so proud of you.


Miley and that Tongue are Single and Ready to Mingle

Photo Courtesy: http://people.com

Photo Courtesy: http://people.com

In between the extreme twerking, grinding on Robin Thicke and sticking out her tongue …Miley Cyrus and her fiancé Liam Hemsworth have finally closed the chapter on their love. We all knew they were circling the drain (Katy Perry reference, anyone?), but I still had hopes these two would pull through.

You might say, “Hey Kari, it could still work out for these two.” I would say to you “Don’t string me along. I know it’s over.” How do I know that it’s over? Miley has stopped following her ex-boo on Twitter.

As a side note, when did unfollowing someone on Twitter become the be all and end all? I guess I’m from the generation that still feels unfriending people on Facebook really burns the other person. Can someone tell me if unfriending is still the way to figuratively burn others?

Photo Courtesy: www.melty.fr

Photo Courtesy: http://www.melty.fr

Anywho, Miley and Liam met back in 2009 on the set of “The Last Song” and yes, I did cry during the credits. The pair became engaged in May 2012 and I was so happy that I sorta felt like I was engaged. Ok, not really but I was happy for them.

In my opinion, what really got this breakup train rolling was when Miley cut off her long locks and began to rock the super short, extremely blonde mohawkish thing on her head. It was basically the haircut heard around the globe and Miley 2.0 was born. From this moment on, I’ve continuously stated “Liam is just too classy for Miley.” And for once, I was right…sorry Miley.

Let’s be real, Miley is obviously going through something. She wants to be a wild child and now is her chance to do it. She’s 20 and has a boatload of money. If you were in her shoes, wouldn’t you be doing the same thing? Personally, I wouldn’t choose that exact hairstyle, but I would be getting real wild.

Miley – Go buck wild and give Liam a call in a few years. That fling with January Jones won’t last long, she seems to be a little stagnant in the personality department. Oops, can’t say that.


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