What About Cher?!

Cher-Portrait_s640x427

As much as I hate to admit it, I am officially over the 25 year hump on this journey we call life. In regards to my musical heroes, I grew up with Britney, Xtina and even a splash of Mandy Moore (Remember her?!).

Anywho, pretty much every time a lady singer of the early 2000s won an MTV Award, Teen Choice Award or were just being interviewed by that old guy from MTV News, they always said Madonna is “my hero” or “my inspiration” or whatever. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think Madonna has done some groundbreaking things – for example the “Like A Prayer” music video and the cone bra…but what about Cher!?

I will preface the rest of this article by saying I’m extremely partial to Cher. Cher is my mom’s Britney Spears – her spiritual goddess. I’ve been listening to her music since my time in the womb. Therefore, I want to share some of Cher’s greatest moments because she deserves some God damn recognition!

3. She’s a Pillar of Women’s Rights

Cher has many, many songs that empower women to leave those loser men behind and be stronger than yesterday…get it? Cher’s latest pro-lady power song that I’d like to mention is titled “Women’s World.”

Here, Cher tells me that This is a woman’s world / This is a woman’s world / Tell the truth / This is a woman’s world / Tell the truth / This is a woman’s world. And I think we’ve found Hilary Clinton’s campaign theme song.

2. She Can Wear Next to Nothing on a Battleship and #killit

If you are a Cher fan…you know what I’m referring to. Let’s go back…back to 1989 when Cher released the song “If I Could Turn Back Time.” The music video took place on the battleship USS Missouri where Cher was romping around singing to a ton of sailors – how patriotic of her.

Believe it or not, this music video caused a lot of controversy because of Cher’s outfit. She was wearing such little clothing that this video was even banned by MTV! What was this scandalous outfit? Well, it was basically some leather scraps and tights. I would also like to mention that Cher was 43 at the time. This music video is another reason why Cher should be appreciated more.

1. She Can Do it All

Cher is a woman of many talents. Let’s delve deeper into her accomplishments:

Cher…

  • Has an Oscar for her role in Moonstruck
  • Pioneered the use of auto tune – without Cher, T-Pain would not exist
  • Won an Emmy, a Grammy, and three Golden Globes
  • Is a professional cougar…Cher has dated Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer,Richie Sambora and Rob Camilletti aka Bagel Boy
  • Tweets amazing things, such as:

Screen shot 2014-07-30 at 10.26.22 PM Screen shot 2014-07-30 at 10.23.14 PM

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As you can see, there are so many reasons to thank Cher. Personally, she has paved the way for me to be able to wear a leather jacket over my see through bodysuit. With that being said, I would like to thank Cher for being a HBIC, an inspiration and one cool ass lady!

 

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Songs That Could Have Been

I always love hearing about songs that were originally offered to one artist and the other artist who was wise enough to take said jam and run all the way up the musical charts.

For example, did you know that Since You’ve Been Gone was originally offered to Hilary Duff, but Lil Lizze Mcguire turned that shit down. As we all know, Kelly Clarkson picked that up and it was a HUGE hit. I will say that I am a fan of H. Duff, but I can only imagine Clarkson conveying that deep, deep man rage.

Another example…Nicole Scherzinger was offered We Found Love but turned it down because she was “busy at the time.” Who’s wearing the regret cap now, eh Nicole?! 

There are tons of hit songs out there that were originally written for one artist and were scooped up by others. It’s like these pop singers sit around trading these songs like baseballs cards or something. Below is one song that fits this particular bill and the other two are just covers that I really like. Guess which one is which and you’ll win a prize!

Beyoncé – In Da Club

Remember when 50 Cent blew us out of the water with this song? Well shorty…just like every thing else…Beyonce did it better. Boom.

Britney Spears  – Telephone

While the Britney version is 98% autotuned…I obviously like this better than the GaGa version. You’re probably thinking “typical Kari response.” Well I don’t like change so…Britney forever!

Alanis Morissette – My Humps

Alanis has turned this upbeat, dance jam into a slow, slow jam that sounds like she wrote this crying alone in a dark room. I’m still waiting for someone to answer the question: What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?


My Summer Song Has Arrived: “West Coast”

Photo Courtesy: www.idolator.com

Photo Courtesy: http://www.idolator.com

Even though I am a fan of the East Coast, Lana Del Rey is putting up a pretty good argument for the West Coast.

Debuting this jam at Coachella, this will be the first single off of Lana’s third studio album “Ultraviolence” and I couldn’t be happier.

While this isn’t the official music video, take a look at Lana spinning around on the beach with some oddly good-looking dude with long beautiful blonde locks.

As we know, I am a fan of the redic lyrics Lana sings and this time is no different. Lyrics to listen out for:

On the balcony and I’m singing / Ooh baby, ooh baby, I’m in love / I can see my sweet boy swinging / He’s crazy and Cubano como yo my love

Be on the lookout for a black on black Ford Fiesta blasting this song all. summer. long.

 

 


Remember When…Lil’ Kim was the Queen Bee?

Yes, before Beyoncé was Beyoncé.

Growing up, Lil’ Kim was the first celebrity I thought was a boss before I even knew what the word boss meant (Sorry, Brit). I did idolize Lil’ Kim for a number of reasons, mostly because she did whateverrr she wanted and pulled it off. 

I believe it was last year’s VMAs when Lil’ Kim came out of hiding to present. I was beyond pumped. The words Lil’ Kim is backkkkkkkkk was scrolling through my brain. After Queen Bee stepped off stage…I felt sad. She just was the same baddest bitch that I remember.

In order to relive the good old days, listed below are my three most memorable baddest bitch moments.

3. Spending Some Quality Time in the Slammer

Photo Courtesy: www.mtv.com

Photo Courtesy: http://www.mtv.com

You don’t get to be a bad bitch without having a stint in jail…just ask Lindsay. Back in 2005, Lil’ Kim was sentenced to a year and a day in jail and fined $50,000 for lying in regards to a shootout outside a radio station in Manhattan.

Allegedly Lil’ Kim lied about whether two members of her entourage were at the scene of the shootout. I say allegedly because I know Queen Bee would never lie like that! Check out her comeback at the 2006 VMAs.

2. Putting the Range in Da Rover

This song never gets old. I also think it’s one of Kim’s most well-known jams. The jam, which can be found on La Bella Mafia, was produced by Timberland and features a Mr. Cheeks.

This song includes a number of controversial lyrics, including one about a Sprite can…but my favorite lyric of all time is: I’m the one that put the “Range” in the “Rover.” It has become my mantra.

1. Purple Pasty

Ah yes. You all know what I’m referring to. Let’s go back, back to the 1999 VMA Awards. Lil’ Kim rolls onto the red carpet with basically an entire breast exposed…I think she was going for that mermaid look. That outfit choice took a lot of guts and I’m still wondering what kind of glue she used.

This outfit is not only memorable for the whole boob exposed thing, but also for the fact that Lil’ Kim was felt up by the one and only Diana Ross. Can’t remember? Don’t worry, here’s the video.

Ok, so there are my most memorable Lil’ Kim moments. Please share your favs…let’s relive the glory days together.


That Voice Came from Where?!

Did you ever listen to a song and picture what the person looked like in your mind before you saw what they actually looked like? I tend to do that a lot since I listen to Spotify for almost 8 hours a day. What else am I supposed to do at work?! Oops, can’t say that. :)

One song that I have caught myself listening to over and over again is “Love Me Again” by John Newman. When I first heard this song, I picture John Newman as a more fit Zac Brown. Well, I must say I was totally wrong. When I actually saw what John Newman looked like, I got a slight case of whiplash.

In case you haven’t heard this jam, please watch this video where you can’t see what John Newman looks like. See below:

So do you have a mental picture of what John Newman looks like? Ok, I’m about ready to blow your mind:

Photo Courtesy: www.last.fm

Photo Courtesy: http://www.last.fm

Now tell me that wasn’t what you expected to see! I’m still in disbelief that this man is actually singing this song.

Since we are already talking about John Newman, here are some fun facts in order to help you get to know John a bit better:

  • He is 23 years old and from the UK.
  • John has woken up in a jail cell before (into it). He was arrested for cruising mopeds on other people’s property. I was hoping for indecent exposure or something real wild.
  • He worked as a glass collector (unsure if this is what I think it means) and a bartender before venturing to music.

As for his relationship status, sorry ladies, John has a significant other. In the words of Regina George…boo you whore.


‘Tropico’ is 27 Minutes in Heaven

Photo Courtesy: www.hypable.com

Photo Courtesy: http://www.hypable.com

This week, Lana Del Rey released her short film Tropico. I have been anticipating this film’s debut similar to anticipation I feel towards the first day of spring…only because Rita’s gives away free water ice.

Anywho, I knew Lana was cool, but I didn’t know she had the power to resurrect some prominent individuals. Jesus Christ, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis and even John Wayne all make cameos throughout the film. As for Lana, she takes on the acting challenge of various characters as well. She plays Eve…from Adam and Eve, a bodiqua stripper and a ride or die chick with her onscreen boo Shaun Ross. Oh and Lana also portrays the Virgin Mary…really sticking it to the church with that one.

Body ElectricGods and Monsters and Bel-Air are the jams Lana sings in the film, which are off of the album Born to Die: The Paradise Edition. Lana also earned more cool points with me because she boasts two teardrop tats on her face and the phrase “Just A Bitch” on her lower stomach. Such a boss thing to do.

To be totally honest, I literally have no clue what Lana was trying to tell me in this short film. But thinking about it again, I realize that maybe that’s ok. I don’t have to understand everything around me…I only need to understand the fact that Lana Del Rey is telling me she’s a creative genius. Take that, Kanye.

Watch Tropico below:

On another Lana note, she announced the name of her next album. It will be called Ultraviolence. Into it already.


The 5 Stages of a Breakup: Justin Timerberlake

Photo Courtesy: entertainment.ca.msn.com

Photo Courtesy: entertainment.ca.msn.com

There aren’t many topics that make me want to enter a heated debate, but I will argue with anyone on this planet about how Justin Timberlake still loves Britney Spears. Let’s be real, when you wear matching jean outfits in public, that’s eternal love.

If you listen to Justin’s new and old jams, you can clearly hear that he’s not over Britney. I am about to lay out the 5 stages of a breakup and show you in musical form how JT is still coping.

Please note: Some songs may not be in order of release. Everyone deals with grief differently, you know?

1. DenialWhat Goes Around…Comes Around was released around the same time that Britney was splitting up with K-Fed. Coincidence? I think not. I put this jam in the denial slot because even though Brit and JT broke up in 2002, he is still in denial about the fact that she cheated on him. It was a poor choice on her part, but she did apologize.

Justin sings Don’t want to think about it / Don’t want to talk about it / I’m just so sick about it / Can’t believe it’s ending this way. Poor guy.

2. Anger – Ok, we get it…Britney got with another dude, but did you have to find a girl who looks extremely similar to your ex for your music video? You get this one for free, Timberlake.

3. Bargaining – Cheating was a deal breaker for JT and he has definitely held his ground on that front. I give Brit the blame here, she should’ve picked honesty, then she may not have blown it. Please refer to song in stage 2.

4. Depression – Remember when Justin went on a musical hiatus from 2007 until 2012 to focus on his “acting?” He was actually in a dark room covered in Britney posters while drinking heavily. He wrote a song called Drink You Away where he states “I can’t drink you away.” Neither could Britney, boo.

5. Acceptance – Let’s be real, there is no acceptance where Britney is concerned. That flame will never burn out. Since my brain and heart cannot fathom that idea that Mirrors is about Jessica Biel, I will award Britney the point.

As you can see, I clearly have too much time on my hands. #TeamBritney


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