Oh boy…Oprah is going to be pissed about this one!
In case you haven’t heard, Lindsay Lohan has come through for us again…in a big, big way! She allegedly wrote down all the dudes she slept with and somehow InTouch Weekly “obtained a copy.”
The list was allegedly written on January 30, 2013 at the Beverly Hills Hotel and Lindsay was allegedly there with friends and allegedly wrote down all 36 of her conquests. After showing off the list, she casually tossed it aside and someone scooped it up and skipped right to the InTouch Weekly office.
I would now like to share my thoughts on a few of the men who Herbied Lindsay (get it?).
Joaquin Phoenix aka J. Phoenix
I’m really hoping this was in his “I’m Still Here” phase where he grew that crazy beard and went all crazy. I’m going to throw this out there and say he must have got his hands on that bad batch of molly that was floating around Philadelphia a few months ago. I mean that would be the only logical explanation as to why Joaquin retired from acting after winning an Oscar to become a rap star. I can actually see Linds being down with that, you know, because I know her.
Just remember…Britney hit that first.
Zac Efron aka Zack Effron
I have two points I’d like to make about this:
2. Well, at least she knew his name…that’s really all we can ask for.
I pretty much thought all of the dudes Lindsay listed were legit until I saw Timberlake. I’m sure billions of women around the world say they have slept with Justin, but I really can’t see our girl Linds closing the deal on this one. I will say that I really hope this burns Jessica Biel! Why do I say that? Because he belongs with BRITNEY! I mean how many times do I have to say it!? Biel…step aside!
Anywho, there were some other famous dudes named on the list, such as Adam Levine, Max George (That guy from The Wanted) and even James Franco. A lot of the names were blurred…I’m sure in three days time all will be revealed.
No, I don’t mean Thanksgiving or Hanukkah…I mean the day Britney Spears was born!
Today is Britney’s 32nd birthday and I am so happy that Brit has made it another year. Let’s be real, it was getting a bit dicey back in 2007 : /
Anywho, I’m spending the evening celebrating with my cat. We are getting wild like it’s 2007!
Don’t forget, Britney Jean (Britney’s 8th studio album) is out tomorrow. I will be listening to it from 8:30 am until the early evening. Feel free to check in and get my opinion. Who are we kidding, I’ll probably say it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.
Happy Birthday Brit! I love you.
There aren’t many topics that make me want to enter a heated debate; but I will argue with anyone on this planet about how Justin Timberlake still loves Britney Spears. Let’s be real, when you wear matching jean outfits in public, that’s eternal love.
If you listen to Justin’s new and old jams, you can clearly hear that he’s not over Britney. I am about to lay out the 5 stages of a breakup and show you in musical form how JT is still coping.
Please note: Some songs may not be in order of release. Everyone deals with grief differently, you know?
1. Denial – What Goes Around…Comes Around was released around the same time that Britney was splitting up with K-Fed. Coincidence, I think not. I put this jam in the denial slot because even though Brit and JT broke up in 2002, he is still in denial about the fact that she cheated on him. Yes, it was a poor choice on her part, but she did apologize.
Justin sings Don’t want to think about it / Don’t want to talk about it / I’m just so sick about it / Can’t believe it’s ending this way. Poor guy.
2. Anger – Ok, we get it…Britney got with another dude, but did you have to find a girl who looks extremely similar to your ex lady for your music video? Ugh, you get this one for free, Timberlake.
3. Bargaining – Cheating was a deal breaker for JT and he has definitely held his ground on that front. I give Brit the blame here, she should’ve picked honesty, then she may not have blown it. Please refer to song in stage 2.
4. Depression – Remember when Justin went on a musical hiatus from 2007 – 2012 to focus on his “acting.” He was actually in a dark room covered in Britney posters while drinking heavily. He wrote a song called Drink You Away where he states “I can’t drink you away.” Neither could Britney, boo.
5. Acceptance – Let’s be real, there is no acceptance where Britney is concerned. That flame will never burn out. Since my brain and heart cannot fathom that idea that Mirrors is about Jessica Biel, I will award Britney the point.
As you can see, I clearly have too much time on my hands. #TeamBritney
Many people’s favorite time of year falls around the holiday season or the beginnings of summer. My favorite time is neither of those…it’s when Britney Spears releases new music.
As you may have guessed, that day is RIGHT NOW!
Before you listen to Brit’s new jam, I would like to say a few words. If you haven’t visited http://britneyspears.com in a while, the site has been displaying a countdown with the phrase All Eyes on Me. There has been much speculation as to what this countdown was counting towards. For a few days I thought it was for the Vegas tour announcement, but now I realize it’s for a NEW MUSIC VIDEO! If you can’t tell, I’m freaking out!
Here is what we have all been waiting for. It’s time to Work Bitch!
A few things I’ve learned/realized from this song:
- Britney loves using the word Bitch
- She must have some English roots, because Brit is really going British these days
- I need to start purchasing leotards to wear on casual friday
Lyrics to look out for: Go call the police / Go call the governor / I bring the trouble / That means the trouble y’all
Keep an eye out for Brit’s new music video. It will be revealed in 1 day, 11 hours, 56 minutes and 25 seconds. I mean 24 seconds. No wait 23 seconds. Jesus, you get the point.
That’s right, Kevin Federline has tied the knot again. He married his long-time lady Victoria Prince this past weekend at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas…typical.
The pair has been an item since 2008. They also have a child together… a little girl named Jordan Kay. I knew that, but I forgot because K-Fed has children sprawled out all over the U.S.A. He has two children with ex Shar Jackson and two with Britney Spears. I still curse the day those two met each other.
Anywho, can someone send me K-Fed’s address? I’d really like to send him a wedding gift. I’d also like to send him the 17-page strongly worded letter I wrote to him back in 2005 of all the ways he is a life ruiner.
While I wait for the address, I’d like to share this piece of K-Fed memorabilia. It’s his super cool rap music video for “Lose Control.”
Please note the following lyric: Don’t hate ‘cuz I’m a superstar and I married a superstar
K-Fed, I still curse the day you were born.
There are many times throughout any given day where I think to myself, “I would like to be so and so for a day.” More times than I’d like to admit, I usually pick Britney. If I could pick a particular era, you know I’m heading straight back to 2007 to find out the real deal and then write a tell-all book.
Enough about Britney. If I could be any celebrity today, I would pick Katniss. I know she’s not an actual celebrity in this scenario, but she’s so damn cool. She’s got a sweet hair braid, a bow and arrow and can wear leather and not look ridiculous…all dreams of mine.
Lately, Katniss has been on my mind for several reasons:
- I keep seeing the “Catching Fire” trailer.
- Usually on Tuesdays, I think about what I would do if the “Hunger Games” broke out in my office. Step 1 – Monopolize the water cooler.
- I’m currently reading the third book in the “Hunger Games” saga because it’s a free borrow from the Kindle Library. Thanks Amazon!
So now that you know who/why I would pick, the next question is what would I do for the day.
Well, first things first, I would braid my hair. After that, I would put on some leather pants, grab my bow and arrow and hit the concrete jungle known as Philadelphia. I’d probably go to a dangerous part of the city and try to catch criminals while yelling “I’m Katniss” every time I shoot an arrow. Then I would head to the office and show my coworkers how good I look in leather and whip my braid back and forth.
It doesn’t sound like I’m really living it up as Katniss, but if you know me, you know this is living it up in my book.
Start prepping yourself for November 21st, that’s when “Catching Fire” hits theaters. Look for me and my braid at the movies!
Spoiler Alert! Here is an article explaining some differences from the “Catching Fire” book and movie.
I know, I know. It has been a long time. When I considered re-upping my blog, I was trying to think of some excuses as to why I stopped posting. Here is what I came up with:
1. I forgot my password.
2. I was in a year-long blackout.
That’s all I got. To be honest, the reason I chose today of all days is because my roommate is away and both the cats are sleeping. I have no one to talk to…so here we are.
This post is very important…it is my comeback post. Because of that, now is the time for me to discuss a few of the greatest celebrity comebacks.
3. Robert Downey Jr.
We all know about Downey’s struggles with drugs, prison, etc. I mean he did start acting when he was five years old, we should have seen this coming. He has since gotten his shit together, claiming that his family, therapy, meditation, twelve-step programs, yoga and the practice of Wing Chun Kung Fu helped him rise back to the top. Downey claims he has been drug-free since 2003…that sentence has campaign slogan written all over it and would get my vote. I’m into it.
2. Drew Barrymore
Another child star going down the wrong path. Doesn’t anyone see a pattern here? (I’m talking to you, Bieber). Anywho, Drew really hit the big time with her role as Gertie in E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. As her star rose, shit got real. Drew revealed that she was a regular at Studio 54 where she smoked cigs, drank and ingested a boatload of drugs, all before she was technically a teenager. This led her to two stints in rehab and a bunch of embarrassing moments. After a bumpy ride back and an awkward marriage to Tom Green, Drew is now a new mom to Olive and married to Will Kopelman! You go girl.
1. Britney Spears
If you know me at all, you had to see this one coming. We all know about Brit’s trial and tribulations. Especially in the year 2007…when she was in a continuous blackout for that entire year. I don’t like to relive the pain she (and I) was in during that time. All I have to say is…God, she looks great and I’m mentally and physically prepping for Album #8.
How are you? I am fine. I just wanted to let you know that I will be taking the next few days off. I have started a real life job (!!!!!) and need to get acclimated to this new schedule.
Don’t worry, I’ll be back this weekend!
P.S. My friend Staniel <3 shared a great picture with me and I would like to pass it on to you…to hold you over until I post again.
NY Daily News is reporting that Team Britney and Team Simon have finally reached a deal that will result in getting Britney’s ass on “The X Factor.” Britney is set to fill one of the open seats at the judges’ table left open by Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger.
My spiritual goddess will be getting $15 million for sitting at a table and judging people…I bet J.Lo is pissed, she only rakes in a cool $12 million on “Idol.” As for Paula Abdul’s previous salary, Simon only gave her $2.5 million. Talk about jipped.
According to the NY Daily News article, “The fact that she’s [Spears] one of the most talked about — not just pop stars, but people — in the world today means that you’ve got this star power,” Cowell told Billy Bush in February on “The Billy Bush Show.” “She’s still hot, she’s still having hit records, and she’s still controversial. There’s a reason for that,” said Cowell.
Looks like I’m watching “The X Factor” now.
No need to get your eyes checked…you’ve read correctly. Below I will share with you the glorious 24 hours I spent with the legendary Miss Britney Spears.
It all began when I started a letter-writing campaign titled, “Yo Britney, Holla Back.” The goal: to spend the day hanging out with my spirit animal. After 70 letters, I finally received the phone call I’ve been waiting for all my life and I knew it was Britney when I heard “Hey Ya’ll.” To read about my full experience with B. Spears, check out The Rectangle! Which provides laughs, giggles and happiness to all.