Songs That Could Have Been

I always love hearing about songs that were originally offered to one artist and the other artist who was wise enough to take said jam and run all the way up the musical charts.

For example, did you know that Since You’ve Been Gone was originally offered to Hilary Duff, but Lil Lizze Mcguire turned that shit down. As we all know, Kelly Clarkson picked that up and it was a HUGE hit. I will say that I am a fan of H. Duff, but I can only imagine Clarkson conveying that deep, deep man rage.

Another example…Nicole Scherzinger was offered We Found Love but turned it down because she was “busy at the time.” Who’s wearing the regret cap now, eh Nicole?! 

There are tons of hit songs out there that were originally written for one artist and were scooped up by others. It’s like these pop singers sit around trading these songs like baseballs cards or something. Below is one song that fits this particular bill and the other two are just covers that I really like. Guess which one is which and you’ll win a prize!

Beyoncé – In Da Club

Remember when 50 Cent blew us out of the water with this song? Well shorty…just like every thing else…Beyonce did it better. Boom.

Britney Spears  – Telephone

While the Britney version is 98% autotuned…I obviously like this better than the GaGa version. You’re probably thinking “typical Kari response.” Well I don’t like change so…Britney forever!

Alanis Morissette – My Humps

Alanis has turned this upbeat, dance jam into a slow, slow jam that sounds like she wrote this crying alone in a dark room. I’m still waiting for someone to answer the question: What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?

Lohan’s Hit List

Oh boy…Oprah is going to be pissed about this one!

Photo Courtesy: InTouch Weekly

Photo Courtesy: InTouch Weekly

In case you haven’t heard, Lindsay Lohan has come through for us again…in a big, big way! She allegedly wrote down all the dudes she slept with and somehow InTouch Weekly “obtained a copy.”

The list was allegedly written on January 30, 2013 at the Beverly Hills Hotel and Lindsay was allegedly there with friends and allegedly wrote down all 36 of her conquests. After showing off the list, she casually tossed it aside and someone scooped it up and skipped right to the InTouch Weekly office.

I would now like to share my thoughts on a few of the men who Herbied Lindsay (get it?).

Joaquin Phoenix aka J. Phoenix

I’m really hoping this was in his “I’m Still Here” phase where he grew that crazy beard and went all crazy. I’m going to throw this out there and say he must have got his hands on that bad batch of molly that was floating around Philadelphia a few months ago. I mean that would be the only logical explanation as to why Joaquin retired from acting after winning an Oscar to become a rap star. I can actually see Linds being down with that, you know, because I know her.

Colin Farrell

Just remember…Britney hit that first.

Zac Efron aka Zack Effron

Photo Courtesy:

Photo Courtesy:

I have two points I’d like to make about this:


2. Well, at least she knew his name…that’s really all we can ask for.

Justin Timberlake

I pretty much thought all of the dudes Lindsay listed were legit until I saw Timberlake. I’m sure billions of women around the world say they have slept with Justin, but I really can’t see our girl Linds closing the deal on this one. I will say that I really hope this burns Jessica Biel! Why do I say that? Because he belongs with BRITNEY! I mean how many times do I have to say it!? Biel…step aside!

Anywho, there were some other famous dudes named on the list, such as Adam Levine, Max George (That guy from The Wanted) and even James Franco. A lot of the names were blurred…I’m sure in three days time all will be revealed.

Thanks Linds!

Happy Holiday!

No, I don’t mean Thanksgiving or Hanukkah…I mean the day Britney Spears was born!

Photo Courtesy:

Photo Courtesy:

Today is Britney’s 32nd birthday and I am so happy that Brit has made it another year. Let’s be real, it was getting a bit dicey back in 2007 : /

Anywho, I’m spending the evening celebrating with my cat. We are getting wild like it’s 2007!

Don’t forget, Britney Jean (Britney’s 8th studio album) is out tomorrow. I will be listening to it from 8:30 am until the early evening. Feel free to check in and get my opinion. Who are we kidding, I’ll probably say it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.

Happy Birthday Brit! I love you.

The 5 Stages of a Breakup: Justin Timerberlake

Photo Courtesy:

Photo Courtesy:

There aren’t many topics that make me want to enter a heated debate, but I will argue with anyone on this planet about how Justin Timberlake still loves Britney Spears. Let’s be real, when you wear matching jean outfits in public, that’s eternal love.

If you listen to Justin’s new and old jams, you can clearly hear that he’s not over Britney. I am about to lay out the 5 stages of a breakup and show you in musical form how JT is still coping.

Please note: Some songs may not be in order of release. Everyone deals with grief differently, you know?

1. DenialWhat Goes Around…Comes Around was released around the same time that Britney was splitting up with K-Fed. Coincidence? I think not. I put this jam in the denial slot because even though Brit and JT broke up in 2002, he is still in denial about the fact that she cheated on him. It was a poor choice on her part, but she did apologize.

Justin sings Don’t want to think about it / Don’t want to talk about it / I’m just so sick about it / Can’t believe it’s ending this way. Poor guy.

2. Anger – Ok, we get it…Britney got with another dude, but did you have to find a girl who looks extremely similar to your ex for your music video? You get this one for free, Timberlake.

3. Bargaining – Cheating was a deal breaker for JT and he has definitely held his ground on that front. I give Brit the blame here, she should’ve picked honesty, then she may not have blown it. Please refer to song in stage 2.

4. Depression – Remember when Justin went on a musical hiatus from 2007 until 2012 to focus on his “acting?” He was actually in a dark room covered in Britney posters while drinking heavily. He wrote a song called Drink You Away where he states “I can’t drink you away.” Neither could Britney, boo.

5. Acceptance – Let’s be real, there is no acceptance where Britney is concerned. That flame will never burn out. Since my brain and heart cannot fathom that idea that Mirrors is about Jessica Biel, I will award Britney the point.

As you can see, I clearly have too much time on my hands. #TeamBritney

It’s Britney Bitch…Again

Many people’s favorite time of year falls around the holiday season or the beginnings of summer. My favorite time is neither of those…it’s when Britney Spears releases new music.

As you may have guessed, that day is RIGHT NOW!

Before you listen to Brit’s new jam, I would like to say a few words. If you haven’t visited in a while, the site has been displaying a countdown with the phrase All Eyes on Me. There has been much speculation as to what this countdown was counting towards. For a few days I thought it was for the Vegas tour announcement, but now I realize it’s for a NEW MUSIC VIDEO! If you can’t tell, I’m freaking out!

Here is what we have all been waiting for. It’s time to Work Bitch!

A few things I’ve learned/realized from this song:

  1. Britney loves using the word Bitch
  2. She must have some English roots, because Brit is really going British these days
  3. I need to start purchasing leotards to wear on casual friday

Lyrics to look out for: Go call the police / Go call the governor / I bring the trouble / That means the trouble y’all

Keep an eye out for Brit’s new music video. It will be revealed in 1 day, 11 hours, 56 minutes and  25 seconds. I mean 24 seconds. No wait 23 seconds. Jesus, you get the point.

Third Baby Mama a Charm for K-Fed?

That’s right, Kevin Federline has tied the knot again. He married his long-time lady Victoria Prince this past weekend at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas…typical.

The pair has been an item since 2008. They also have a child together… a little girl named Jordan Kay. I knew that, but I forgot because K-Fed has children sprawled out all over the U.S.A. He has two children with ex Shar Jackson and two with Britney Spears. I still curse the day those two met each other.

Anywho, can someone send me K-Fed’s address? I’d really like to send him a wedding gift. I’d also like to send him the 17-page strongly worded letter I wrote to him back in 2005 of all the ways he is a life ruiner.

While I wait for the address, I’d like to share this piece of K-Fed memorabilia. It’s his super cool rap music video for “Lose Control.”

Please note the following lyric: Don’t hate ‘cuz I’m a superstar and I married a superstar 

K-Fed, I still curse the day you were born.

If I Could Be Anyone For a Day…

Photo Courtesy:

Photo Courtesy:

There are many times throughout any given day where I think to myself, “I would like to be so and so for a day.” More times than I’d like to admit, I usually pick Britney. If I could pick a particular era, you know I’m heading straight back to 2007 to find out the real deal and then write a tell-all book.

Enough about Britney. If I could be any celebrity today, I would pick Katniss. I know she’s not an actual celebrity in this scenario, but she’s so damn cool. She’s got a sweet hair braid, a bow and arrow and can wear leather and not look ridiculous…all dreams of mine.

Lately, Katniss has been on my mind for several reasons:

  • I keep seeing the “Catching Fire” trailer.
  • Usually on Tuesdays, I think about what I would do if the “Hunger Games” broke out in my office. Step 1 – Monopolize the water cooler.
  • I’m currently reading the third book in the “Hunger Games” saga because it’s a free borrow from the Kindle Library. Thanks Amazon!
Photo Courtesy:

Photo Courtesy:

So now that you know who/why I would pick, the next question is what would I do for the day.

Well, first things first, I would braid my hair. After that, I would put on some leather pants, grab my bow and arrow and hit the concrete jungle known as Philadelphia. I’d probably go to a dangerous part of the city and try to catch criminals while yelling “I’m Katniss” every time I shoot an arrow. Then I would head to the office and show my coworkers how good I look in leather and whip my braid back and forth.

It doesn’t sound like I’m really living it up as Katniss, but if you know me, you know this is living it up in my book.

Start prepping yourself for November 21st, that’s when “Catching Fire” hits theaters. Look for me and my braid at the movies!

Spoiler Alert! Here is an article explaining some differences from the “Catching Fire” book and movie.


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