Dear *Fill In Celebrity Name Here*

I know, I know…its been quite some time since I’ve written an open letter to a celebrity. My rage blackouts have been less frequent. That could be from the anger management classes or because of some sweet advice from my roommate. She told me petting a cat lessens your stress level…I’ve started to carry the cat around in one of those backpacks for babies.

Dear Taylor Swift,

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I know that by writing this open letter to “The Country Girl Next Door” I am going to get boatloads of mail telling me I’m going to hell or something of that sort. I’ll save you the stamp…I’ve already booked that ticket south.

What spurred this letter was a post on that I saw yesterday. The post was titled, “Taylor Swift and Zac Efron Went On A Flirty Dinner Date Together!! OMG!!”

Why would Perez or anyone for that matter be excited about this?! Taylor Swift is what Nelly Furtado and I like to call a “Maneater.” For those that don’t know (*cough* Taylor *cough*) a maneater is “an irresistible woman who chews and spits out men after using them for some sort of gain — be it sexual, financial or psychological.” Since Swift is making bank…I’m going to go with the sexual or psychological option for $500, Alex.

Let’s make a list of the men Swifty has plowed through:

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1. Joe Jonas – Taylor probably burned that purity ring right off his finger.

2. Taylor Lautner – Taylor dating Taylor…Paris Hilton was probably thinking, “Been there, done that…did not loves it”

3. Jake Gyllenhaal – I have no words…only letters…W.T.F.

4. John Mayer – So after Jen Aniston AND Jessica Simpson you thought this was a good idea? Ugh, really?

5. Chord Overstreet – Maybe you thought you would try a blonde instead of all those brunettes. You better add a ginger to the mix…it’s called social justice.

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And last, but certainly not least…it’s rumored that Taylor went on a date with Zac Efron. This is where I must draw the line. Efron and his abs are national treasures. Do not man eat him Taylor! He is precious like a rare gem!

In the spirit of being fair…if Taylor is dating all these men solely for inspiration to write music, I could get onboard the Swift train. I am a Kelly Clarkson fan after all. In all honesty, how pissed do you think John Mayer was when he heard “Dear John?”

In that jam, Taylor sings: “Dear John, I see it all now that you’re gone
/Don’t you think I was too young
/To be messed with/The girl in the dress
/Cried the whole way home, I should’ve known”

Yes, you should have known…everyone woman in the world knows!

Taylor – What is your secret…do you have a golden who-ha or something of the sort? One piece of advice…leave Efron alone!

2 Comments on “Dear *Fill In Celebrity Name Here*”

  1. The Hook says:

    Her life – and sexual appetite – are a far cry from her country-girl, “pure as the driven smow” image, right?
    I say “sexual appetite” because let’s face it, she’s had to have burned up the sheets with at least half these guys, right?

  2. […] other people like it so I guess I have to discuss it. First off, I will never ever endorse Taylor Swift. So I’m choosing Jason Aldean to win because he did duet with Kelly Clarkson and he looked […]

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