Songs Britney Spears should have released…part II

Photo Courtesy: browsebiography.com

Of course I have an extremely long handwritten list of all the Spears songs that I want released as singles. Since I would like to keep my adoring fans happy, this will be the last post on this topic…I pinky swear.

When people think of Britney, they don’t think of her slow jams, they think of her upbeat, catchy songs (as they should). But Brit always sneaks a few mellow songs onto her albums and I believe they deserve a chance to shine.

Unusual You

Landing at lucky number seven on “Circus” aka the comeback album, “Unusual You” tells the tale of Britney finally finding a man that treats her good.

We all know Britney’s choice in men hasn’t been the best (excluding Justin and Jason). “Unusual You” is where Britney shares the fact that she is used to being treated like less than the queen she is. We learn that Britney meets a new gentleman and he treats her good, hence the unusual part.

As a woman of the 90s, I totally get what’s she saying! Where are all the good men? They certainly aren’t at the bars…been there, done that. Maybe the good ones are at the grocery store, everyone does have to eat. Or could they be at the library, everyone does need to pick up a Nicholas Sparks novel from time to time. Hmm.

I picture the music video showing Britney working on her fitness and the unusual man is in the boxing ring. Next, Britney and her unusual man lock eyes. The rest of the video shows Brit and her new man at the park playing Frisbee, cooking tater tots in her kitchen and even taking a spin class together…that’s love.

Favise lyrics: “Baby, you’re so unusual/Didn’t anyone tell you, you’re supposed to/Break my heart?/I expect you to, so why haven’t you?”

Britney – Hopefully your new beau is fulfilling the unusual role. If he steps out of line…I will not hesitate to pepper spray him.

He About To Lose Me

This track is one of my absolute favorite Britney Spears songs. So much so that it is my ring tone on my cellular telephone. ..that’s dedication. This jam is track number 14 on the deluxe edition of “Femme Fatale,” not even making the regular edition of the CD!

This song tells the tale of Britney meeting a man that lights her fire, while at the same time her other man is at home waiting for her. The “someone” at home does not see Brit or make her feel hot. Britney sings about the pain of having to either go home to the deadbeat bf or get it in with the hot dude at the club. Decisions, decisions.

Music video scene: Brit is at a club with her girlfriends…a ridiculously good-looking man comes up to Britney and flips her world upside down…on the dance floor of course. The rest of the video flashes back between an unhappy Brit with the deadbeat bf and a smiling Brit with the dude on the dance floor.

Of course the video would end without the audience knowing which dude Britney chooses. That’s how they get us to watch the next music video…duh.

Favise lyrics: “I’m touching hands with someone seriously beautiful”

Britney – Please, please, please release this song as a single…and call me!

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Topless Tuesday

Tuesdays are typically pretty boring days. You are nowhere near the weekend so having the option of going topless on a Tuesday is quite refreshing.

This week I have decided to spotlight a gentleman that I thought I was going to have a run-in with this past week. Let me give you some background.

My roommate and I traveled to NOLA (for the record, I was not kicked off the airplane). For the uncool people out there, NOLA stands for New Orleans, Louisiana. P.S. I just found that out at the airport.

Anywho, one of my missions in NOLA was to locate, get a picture with and potentially marry a certain Saints player. That player is the star of this week’s Topless Tuesday post…

Reggie Bush

Photo Courtesy: mostbeautifulman.com

Yes, the former (and hopefully soon to be again) Mr. Kim Kardashian should be topless every Tuesday! It doesn’t matter to me what scandals he has been involved with. What’s a Heisman Trophy anyways? And where would you even keep that?

Anywho, I scoured the streets of New Orleans for Reggie. I looked for him at the airport, in the ladies lounge, on Burbon St., in the Hustler Club and even knocked on every door on the 12th floor of the hotel I was staying in. Alas, no Reggie. He must have been playing ultimate hide and seek and did not notify me of this change.

I thought I was defeated until I learned a piece of information that changed everything.

Spoiler Alert: Reggie does not play for the Saints anymore! Did you just scream “WTF?” Because I did when I heard this news. Apparently Reggie plays for the Miami Dolphins now. I just can’t see Reggie rocking that white jersey…Ugh.

Regardless of such upsetting news, I chose Reggie as this week’s Topless Tuesday winner for a few reasons:

Photo Courtesy: fashionistazlife.com

  • He won a Super Bowl
  • He is the man of Kim’s dreams. Remember when they broke up and Reggie dated that girl from the Old Navy commercials that was Kim’s twin? That’s a man in love right there.
  • The Kardashian sisters already have a slogan to go along with Reggie’s name…Bush in the Tush!

I think the real reason why I chose Reggie as my Topless Tuesday beauty is because the football player starred in a Got Milk ad. While he wasn’t topless, he still looked like heaven. This ad showed me that Reggie could win a Super Bowl, still look good and balance a glass a milk all at the same time.

Reggie – Next vacation I will be headed to Miami. Will Smith told me it’s a place where “everyday like a Mardi gras everybody party all day.” No wonder you moved there!


Songs Britney Spears should have released

Photo Courtesy: britneyspears.com

If you have the Fuse network, you know this is the only channel that airs music videos on a regular basis. The network likes to use a lot of themes and I appreciate a good theme…for example:

  • Best Hip-Hop Songs of the Last 1648 Years
  • Sexiest Music Videos of All Time…Ever
  • The Best Music Videos in the History of Music Videos

Tonight I was watching Fuse and a show called “Loaded” was on. This show choses one artist and airs a bunch of their music videos in a row. This particular episode was close to my heart…it was “Loaded: Britney Spears.” I need to pause for a moment: don’t you even dare think of saying a drunken B. Spears joke or I will slap you through your computer screen. As my mother says, “Try me.”

Anywho, as I was enjoying a diet coke and some Britney, I thought about all the other songs Britney should have released and shared with the masses.

Can’t Make You Love Me

This ridiculously catchy song lands as track number 10 on Spears second studio album “Oops…I Did It Again.” What I think Britney was trying to convey in this pop-ballad is the fact that she doesn’t need a man who has boatloads of money or fame in order to be their lady.

As for the music video, I picture Britney just finishing a concert and being whisked away to her sweet Hummer limo. On her way, she spots a handsome roadie packing up some equipment. All of a sudden…BAM…Brit is smacked in the face by Cupid himself.

This song is Britney’s way of letting her roadie know she could trade in those fancy cars to be his groupie. The rest of the video proceeds to tell the tale of Britney and her roadie living the dream in the back of a pickup.

Favise lyrics: “Don’t care about money/It doesn’t give me half the thrill/ To the thought of you, honey.” *cough* K-fed *cough*

Britney – You don’t need to make anyone love you…they already do boo, they already do.

Blur

The title of the song says it all! You know Britney has a few nights like these under her belt. While this is a slow jam, it does give us three minutes and seven seconds of pure honesty from my spiritual goddess.

Horrendously buried at track number 8 on Spears sixth studio album “Circus,” “Blur” tells the tale of B. Spears waking up at a random dude’s bachelor pad and not remembering a damn thing. Britney sings, “Who are you? What we do…last night?” Oh you know what they did alright.

I picture the music video beginning with the camera facing a window as the sun is coming up. The camera spans down and we see Britney with an arm over her eyes saying, “Turn the lights out/This shit is way too fucking bright/Wanna poke my eyes out.”

Next, Britney realizes there is a random, but beautiful man next to her who happens to be naked…no big deal. The rest of the music video consists of Britney gathering her belongings that were thrown all over while simultaneously flashing back to the glorious night before. The end shows Britney walking out of the dude’s place with a smile on her face.

Favise lyrics: “Where the hell am I?”

Britney – This jam cemented you as my spiritual goddess for the rest of my life. Call me!


A Thanksgiving guest that would bring the LOLs

With the Thanksgiving holiday winding down, I began to ponder about what celeb I would have loved to have at the table.

Since Britney Spears and Alec Baldwin had plans and Katie Holmes and Suri’s invitation must have gotten lost in the mail, I have chosen to invite the following celebrity to stop over and maybe bring some pumpkin pie.

Tina Fey

Photo Courtesy: blogs.ocweekly.com

First of all, let me drop this knowledge bomb on you…Tina’s full name is actually Elizabeth Stamatina Fey. Did you see that one coming, because I sure didn’t.

When I think of Tina Fey at the Thanksgiving table, I picture her spitting out one-liners and asking me to pass the gravy. She’s sassy, yet classy and can say “you betcha” with the best of them.

I respect Tina a lot because she hasn’t forgotten her inner nerd. Miss Fey can pull it together and looks amazing when she is walking down that red carpet, but she always finds a way to let her inner nerd shine. For example, have you seen “Baby Mama” or her portrayal of Liz Lemon on “30 Rock?” Please watch the clips…they will make you feel good about yourself, I promise.

There was one moment that really made room in my heart for Tina. As you can probably guess, it was the many amazing Sarah Palin skits that Tina perfectly portrayed. Below is one of my favorite clips.

I would like to thank Palin/Tina for helping me add such phrases as “maverick,” “you betcha” and “I can see Russia from my house” to my vocabulary.

Tina – This is an open invitation. You are welcome in my home year-round. Just make sure you bring a box and/or bottle of wine and a gift for the cats!

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good evening!


Let’s Get Physical, Physical…part II

I know, I know!  It has been so long since I have touched the “what celebrity I would want as a spin instructor” topic. I made a vow stating that I wouldn’t continue this post until my legs stopped hurting as a consequence of my first spin class…today, my legs stopped hurting.

I have wanted to write about the following celebrity for quite some time…and now I have the appropriate arena to do so. Make sure your seatbelts are properly fastened…

Goldie Hawn

Photo Courtesy: articles.sfgate.com

At 66 years young, Goldie Hawn looks better than I do. Born in Washington D.C. and acting since 1967, Goldie is the perfect combination of funny and motivational that I need to get my ass pedaling on that damn spin bike.

Fun Fact: Goldie was a go-go dancer in New York City before hitting it big.

Goldie has been in many films and has even won an Academy Award for Best Actress for her role in the 1969 classic “Cactus Flower.”

I think what outshines Goldie’s movie career is her relationships and children. As you should know, Goldie has been married two times (Gus Trikonis and Bill Hudson). With Hudson, Goldie had two children Oliver and Kate.

Photo Courtesy: zimbio.com

Currently, Miss Hawn is life-partnering with Kurt Russell. Meeting on the set of “Swing Shift,” these two lovebirds have been in a relationship since 1983. In 1986, they popped out a son, Wyatt Russell.

On a religious note, Goldie is a self-proclaimed Jewish Buddhist…where do I sign up for that?!

I believe the main reason why I have chosen Goldie as my next spin instructor is not because of her Jewish Buddhism faith, but because of her role in “The First Wives Club.” While I know this movie came out in 1996, but it’s still on rotation on the HBO channels in my apartment and I watch it every. damn. time.

Goldie plays Elise Elliot, an Academy Award winning actress who is hil.ar.ious but drinks and smokes…a lot. I have been told when I hit her age I will be just like her. I’m taking that as a compliment. The following clip pretty much sums up my future.

One of my favorite quotes in this entire film is when Goldie’s character proclaims, “Look, I do all my own stunts.” As do I Goldie, as do I.

We can both do our own stunts in spin class…see you there!


What will fill the ‘Pan Am’ time slot…in my heart?

Photo Courtesy: caroundtheworld.com

[Enter sad face here] If you haven’t heard the news, “Pan Am” is pretty much kaput and I am blue over this news.

Hopefully you have all seen a clip or the entire series thus far of ABC’s period drama/historical fiction show “Pan Am.” Sit down because I’m about to tell the truth. I have watched every episode and have loved it. I am currently involved and invested.

I have to admit before “Pan Am” aired and the promos were haunting my dreams, I was on the brink of giving the show a “demeaning to women” stamp. But after watching a total of eight episodes, I have noticed the following things:

  1. Flying is just not the way it used to be during the Pan Am era. Yea, I’m talking about you AirTran.
  2. News Flash: Smoking is currently not allowed on planes. And don’t even think about tampering with the smoke detectors in the ladies lounge. You will be escorted off the plane and not by a fine gentleman, more like a federal agent who is mean.
  3. Not all flight attendants are female. There was a dude flight attendant on my last flight who dropped a bag of peanuts on my head and I didn’t even get a free drink!
  4. I’m about 87.9 percent sure that flight attendants aren’t doing secret missions for the CIA, but you never know…

Photo Courtesy: caroundtheworld.com

Mind blow alert: The character of Kate, played by Kelli Garner, also appeared in the Gos-Gos classic “Lars and the Real Girl.” Hint, she’s not the anatomically correct doll. You go, Kelli!

I’m making a decision, decision made…I am going to exercise my right to protest and head over to ABC and holler “Pan Am is a national treasure and you better keep it on the air” repeatedly.

I can tell you now my voice will eventually stop working so I will need backup. Get at me if you’d like to protest with me. I have even started collecting cash money for art supplies in order to create some pro-Pan Am signs. Who is with me!?

If you are still on the fence…come out an protest with me for the simple fact that if we let this show silently slip away, it will be decades before we see Christina Ricci again. Okay, that’s not true, she has a couple of movies coming down the pike, but it’s nice to see her face once a week.

ABC – prepare yourself for hurricane Kari…no one puts “Pan Am” in a corner.


Breaking News

Hey fans,

As you might have noticed, I haven’t been updating as much this past week. I am taking some time off for the holiday!

I’ll be back in a few days…no need to worry.

Love always,

Kari


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