She’s back and she’s still bitter! Yesterday, Kelly Clarkson revealed her first single off of her next album, “Stronger.”
I will tell you that I am a Kelly fan, after all she is America’s Idol. The main reason why I am a fan is because she is so damn angry toward this man or men that she keeps singing about.
In all honesty, my favorite album was “My December.” I don’t understand why people didn’t love it as much as I did.
She was all the things we love…pissed off, angry and bitter. My favises song off this album was “Never Again.” The video is what really sold me. It’s basically Kelly haunting her ex, who has left her for another woman. Huge mistake there buddy.
Why it’s so great:
1. Kelly Clarkson has inspired me to wear a bra and a blazer…sans shirt
2. It’s the ultimate revenge song…you break up with Kelly, she will haunt you
3. I wouldn’t think it would suck to see Kelly’s face everywhere…I’d get the chance to ask for her autograph
Favises lyrics: “You wrote me in a letter/You couldn’t say it right to my face/Give me that Sunday school answer/Repent yourself away” AND “I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green”
I feel bad for the guy this song is about…it’s like Kelly wrote these lyrics as a letter and instead of snail mailing it to him, she just put it on a record because she could. That what people who are boss do.
Back to the point of this post. Since Clarkson released her new single via her website, I am obligated to share it with you. I like it. I think I liked it before I heard it, I mean it is called “Mr. Know It All.” You can tell it’s full of man-hating goodness. Click here to listen to “Mr. Know It All.”
Favises lyrics: “You don’t know a thing about me” – Damn right Kelly, you tell him!
See you on tour girl!
Even though I was pulling for “Inside Out,” I’m excited for this music video. What woman hasn’t been in love with a criminal? My vision for the music video is Britney creeping on a beautiful man covered in tattoos and piercings, who is carrying a weapon of some sort.
Favises lyrics: “And he’s got my name/Tattooed on his arm/His lucky charm/So I guess its okay/He’s with me”
It’s Britney Bitch.
Born in the USSR in 1983, Milena or Mila as the world knows her, has had quite the life experience so far. When Mila was seven years old, her family made their way to the U.S.A. with help from a state lottery system.
Mila was quoted as saying, “It took about five years. If you got chosen the first time around, you went to Moscow, where there was another lottery, and you maybe got chosen again. Then you could come to the States.”
At age 9, Mila’s dad signed her up for acting classes. Her first gig was a Barbie commercial! Isn’t that where all today’s Academy Award winning stars begin their acting careers? Mila – the Academy will be calling soon…I feel it. While staring in commercials, print-ads and modeling campaigns, 1998 was when she got her big break.
Tryouts for a little show called “That 70s Show” were happening and Mila was going out for the part of Jackie Burkhart. The casting directors wanted the actress to be 18+ to play the part; Mila was 14 at the time of the tryout. She finagled her way into the role by telling the casting directors that she would eventually be 18. Point Mila. She ended up winning the role that lasted for 8 years and became a launching point for her movie career.
A factoid that surprised me about Mila was when I learned she was the voice of Meg on “Family Guy.” Another factoid: Mila replaced Lacey Chabert aka Gretchen Weiners in that role.
Starting in 2001, Mila’s movie career began; staring in a bunch of films, including “Get Over It,” “American Psycho 2,” “After Sex,” among many others. It wasn’t until her role in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” where she really caused some heads to turn. Fun fact: Mila scored this role after unsuccessfully trying out for “Knocked Up.” Playing Rachel Jansen, this character earned Mila her first Teen Choice nomination.
Next up for discussion, the year of the “Black Swan.” Mila had to go through a lot and when I say a lot…I mean a lot for this role. Her training regimen consisted of a gross amount of cardio, a 1,200-calorie a day diet and 4-hour ballet classes all week…and by week I mean seven days, not five. During filming, Mile got some nice gifts that included a torn ligament and a dislocated shoulder. She also unnecessarily lost 20 lbs, but gained it back after filming…point Mila!
After this filmed killed it at the box office, Mila hit another homerun with “Friends with Benefits,” alongside Justin Timberlake. She got real intimate with the previous boy band member. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend adding it to your Netflix.
As for her personal life, Mila recently broke up with her long-time boyfriend, Macaulay Culkin. I was totally blown out of the water when I heard that these two were even dating! I bet Culkin is extra pissed because Mila won the Holy Grail of Hot award at the 2011 Spike Guys’ Choice Awards.
Why do I want to have dinner with Mila:
Mila looks like a blast in a glass. I can already picture us laughing over a funny story and chatting about which celebrities she has seen blackout drunk.
One question I couldn’t leave without asking:
Who was a better canoodler…Justin, Ashton or Natalie? I’m giving my vote to JT. He did tame Britney after all.
Where I would want to have dinner:
Outback Steakhouse…I think it would be enjoyable to share a bloomin onion with Mila and talk about her “Black Swan” experience.
The new cast of “Dancing with the Stars” has been revealed! If you haven’t heard, check out the lucky dancers here.
I’m a tad upset that Snooki isn’t on the roster, but Rob Kardashian<3 more than makes up for it. Instead of making the usual prediction of who is going to win, I’m going to predict the things that matter.
Who will end up crying on the show
My Guess – David Arquette
Let’s be real…he looks like a crier. I bet he wept after the beating he received from Courtney Cox when he thought it was a genius idea to tell Howard Stern that “it’d been like four months or so” since he slept with Courtney. David – when you talk into that microphone, Howard wasn’t the only one listening.
Why I think he’ll cry? I think Arquette feels like going on the DWTS will lead to a Kristie Alley-like comeback. Well I’m here to tell you that I don’t think that’s going to happen.
Sadly, since the “Scream” franchise has dried up, David has a wide open schedule. Maybe you could work with your buddy Howard?
Who will have a rage blackout of epic proportions
My Guess – Nancy Grace
We all know Nancy Grace is not against screaming her face off at anyone who gets in her path. I secretly love watching Nancy carry on during her show. One of these times, I’m 98% sure her head will explode. I’m shocked it hasn’t happened yet.
Why I think she’ll have a rage blackout of epic proportions? She has a lot of anger and that’s not always a bad thing. She could potentially rage her way to the top 3!
I have a feeling if Carrie Ann Inaba says the wrong thing, I envision Nancy hurling herself across the judges table to beat the living daylights out of her. Looking forward to seeing Nancy’s practice clips!
Who will “accidentally” show their lady bits on national TV
My Guess - Kristin Cavallari
Let’s gooooo back, back to the Laguna! Kristin was the girl we loved to hate. Remember when she stole Steven from Lauren and danced on that bar during spring break? Moving on to “The Hills,” Kristin still stirred up trouble and her relationship with Brody turned out to be a lie…sigh.
Why I think she’ll “accidentally” show her lady bits on national TV? Have you ever seen any episode of “Laguna Beach?” Another reason, she is newly single and ready to mingle…gotta restart the hunt for another husband.
If Janet Jackson can show her nip on the Super Bowl, I’m sure Cavallari can get away with showing her lady lumps without getting in too much trouble. You go girl!
Who will look the best with a spray tan and glittery outfits
My Guess – Rob Kardashian<3
Rob Kardashian being on DWTS makes my life so much better. I can’t wait to see him shake that thing on the ballroom floor.
I hope Khloe and Lam Lam are in the audience every Monday cheering Rob on. Maybe this experience will motivate Rob to get a real job and a house of his own. It’s got to be hard sneaky in potential wives with Khloe on guard.
Why I think he will look the best with a spray tan and glittery outfits? Rob could make a brown paper bag look good. Remember when he almost dropped out of college to be a male model?
I heard somewhere that it is an unwritten rule that you have to write about the VMAs the day after it airs. I understand, accept this and feel the need to share my thoughts about this year’s event.
Okay, was it just me or did MTV sort of slack off this year? I remember the days where I wouldn’t look away from the television! This year I got random shots of people in their chairs, that poor girl with the crutch looking around and much more. Maybe it was the whole let’s not pay someone to host, but have a guy who acts like a host but not get the credit for it thing. Past hosts including, Chelsea Handler, Russell Brand, and even Diddy made the show more enjoyable! Last night, I was just confused and upset that Lady Gaga was all over the place dressed like a man. I get it, but doesn’t mean I’m not a little mad at her for ruining the Britney tribute. Yea, I said it.
When Justin Bieber brought a snake (who is conveniently named Johnson) to the VMAs and tried to sneak that awkward innuendo past us during the pre-show!
Of course MTV had Biebs gf, Selena Gomez interview him. When Gomez asked him to talk about his outfit, Bieber said, “I have a snake. I have red pants. And I have cheetah shoes.” And what is the snake’s name, asked Selena? Bieber grossly says, “My snake’s name is Johnson.”
Ok Biebs – some of us are actually old enough to know what you are hinting at. I hope someone gave you that birds and the bees talk…if not, there will be a big surprise waiting for you in 9 months.
When the House band singer, Jessie J sang the TLC classic “No Scrubs” after Chris Brown’s performance. Let’s start off with discussing Jessie J. Bless this girls heart, she broke her foot after falling off stage 11 weeks ago and still hoofed it to the VMAs.
Really though, who would cancel that gig? With her bedazzled cast and crutches she did a pretty good job, even though she couldn’t stand up that often. Kudos!
So back to the woman beater, I told you before I would never forget what he did. Brown performed some songs, I honestly couldn’t tell you which ones or spend the time looking them up.
During his performance, I was hoping that a fan or even Jay-Z would throw a shoe at him. Sadly, that didn’t happen. But Jessie J got the last laugh when Brown exited the stage and she broke out into a rendition of “No Scrubs.” Thank you Jessie J, thank you.
Ever since the tribute to Britney was announced, I have lost sleep over the anticipation of finally seeing a dream of mine come true. I was rudely lied to by a few media outlets when they stated the news that Janet Jackson, Madonna, Ke$ha, Katy Perry, among many others would be singing the Britney classics we all know and love. Well Britney, we certainly didn’t get that.
To honor Britney, Lady Gaga came out still dressed as Jo Calderone. She said some wonderfully true things about B. Spears: “She taught us all how to be fearless, and the industry wouldn’t be the same without her.” But of course, she also had to say some weirdly awkward things about B. Spears. Remember when Lady Gaga said she used to hang pictures on of Britney on her wall and proceeded to “touch herself?” I think she should have stuck with saying the nice things.
After the all-dance tribute to Spears was complete, Lady Gaga did one thing right by announcing, “Everyone get the f*ck up!” Britney strutted up to the stage to receive her award and almost engaged in another intimate moment with a lady on the VMAs. Spears abruptly pulled away from Gaga and stated, “No, I’ve done that already.” Remember that time she made out with Madonna on stage and no one saw Xtina do it because they had to get Justin’s reaction? (It’s Britney Bitch!)
Anywho, because of Lady Gaga, I felt that Britney didn’t get a chance to really express her feelings about the Video Vanguard Award. Not that she says much these days, but it still would have been nice to give her a moment.
Hey Britney – an even bigger dream come true would be to meet you! Call me!
Duh! It’s all about Beyoncé and that baby bump! At the end of her performance of “Love on Top,” she dropped the mic, unbuttoned her jacket and showed the world her baby bump. The smile on Jay-Z’s face was epic. It will be nice to have a Lil Hova running around, don’t you think?
Kate Winslet – Superhero
Even though she was already a superhero in my eyes, Kate Winslet has made it officially okay to walk around this Earth with a cape on for the rest of her life.
The Academy Award winner was taking some much deserved time off with her children and her new bf (Leo, he’s just a fill-in until you are ready). They were vacationing at Richard Branson’s Caribbean home, Great House on Necker Island.
Branson stated that the fire broke out around 4 a.m. during a tropical storm. Kate, Louis (her bf) and her children Mia and Joe all made it out unharmed. Along with the Winslet clan, there were 16 others staying at the Branson house. The culprit – lighting is to blame for completely destroying the home.
So why is Kate a superhero in all of this? Well, she carried Eve, Branson’s 90-year-old mother out of the burning house! Winslet told The Sun, “I’m just so glad that everyone is safe. And this very easily could not have been the case.”
I have made a decision, decision made: Kate Winslet must be a bionic woman. Not only does she carry people out of burning buildings, she also can swim her heart out and survive in sub-zero temperatures…remember that boat she was on that sank?
Kate – you are officially my favises superhero. Keep saving lives and keep winning Oscars.
A third Mini Affleck is on the way!
This week Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck told the world that they are having baby number tres (check out my bilingual skills). A very surprising but exciting announcement!
Now I have to hand it to Jennifer. This is her third baby! That means this is her third time being pregnant. I always make the mistake of watching those shows on birthing children and they scare the living daylights out of me. I always think to myself, “you don’t come back from that.” Discovery Health channel likes to make every woman on Earth paranoid and televise shows like, “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant.” I am about three episodes away from starting a petition to stop this show from ruining lives! No woman wants to sit there and think, “Am I pregnant right now?” Holy crow!
Okay, done with that tirade. The 3rd mini Affleck is expected to arrive in January or February. The Affleck’s are said to be “thrilled” to be expecting their third child. I wonder if they will finally get a Ben Jr. or stick with the lady gender. I really think this world could use a mini Ben Affleck…Suri Cruise will one day be looking for a husband.
Jennifer – In the fall, I am taking a class called Event Planning. By the time you are ready for your baby shower, I will be fully trained. I’ll send you my business card. Congrats!
Lohan rebuffs Pitbull
Lindsay Lohan has lawyer’d up. Why? Because Pitbull has a single out right now called, “Give Me Everything.” I’m sure you have heard it; it’s played approximately every 4.3 minutes somewhere in the world. There is one particular phrase that mentions the one, the only…Lindsay Lohan. The line is as follows: “I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.”
Well I guess Lindsay didn’t take this as a complement and she decided to file a lawsuit against Pitbull! Apparently Lohan and her legal team are claiming that this is defaming her character and blah, blah, blah. Lindsay, remember that time you were, in fact, locked up? I remember, I even won $18 in my office pool for guessing what day you would be released.
My favorite part of this tale is when Lindsay was at Kim Kardashian’s wedding and the band played this exact song! It was reported that many of Kim’s guests got up and danced, but Lindsay remained a Debbie Downer and stayed seated…boo you whore.
In an attempt to smooth things over, Pitbull has invited Lindsay to this Sunday’s VMAs, where he will be performing “Give Me Everything.” According to MTV.com, Pitbull states, “But either [way], I said, ‘You know what? Performing it at the VMAs, would like to invite her out,’ ” he continued. “And anybody who knows my reputation [knows I] don’t do no publicity stunts. I’m not really about none of that. … So I said it, I meant it, and if she takes it, great. If she doesn’t, cool. But she will have her tickets at will call.”
I don’t understand…Lindsay sues this beautiful Cuban man and still gets a date out of the deal. Ugh. Lindsay, please don’t sue me…I own nothing.
Mischa Barton was famous
Mischa – what is going on here, girl? Get. It. Together! Before I delve into “The O.C.” era, let’s take a few steps back. Mischa began her career when she was 8-years-old, mainly in off-Broadway plays. She slowly starting moving into movie roles…remember how eerie/creepy/scary she was in the “The Sixth Sense?”
As she grew up into a lady, Mischa appeared in a bunch of other movies and music videos. She took her shirt off in front of Enrique Iglesias and caused James Blunt a severe amount of pain in his “Goodbye My Lover” video. I always wondered who the woman was that ripped out James Blunt’s heart…it was Mischa all along!
Now let’s get to the good stuff. In August 2003, Fox started doing something right and premiered “The O.C.” I was in front of my television…don’t pretend like you weren’t. This show had all of the elements a great tv show needs: a sexy nerd (Adam Brody), a bad guy that turned good (Benjamin McKenzie), a rich girl who loves the bad boy but has a controlling/crazy bf (Mischa Barton) and the cool parents (Peter Gallagher and Kelly Rowan). This show was a teenage goldmine.
Because of her role as Marissa Cooper, Mischa shot to a new level of fame. Unfortunately, she caught the Katherine Heigl syndrome and made the decision to leave “The O.C.” before the fans were ready to let her go. To this day I remember the scene where Marissa Cooper dies in Ryan’s arms…devastating.
Mischa’s reasoning for leaving, “My character has been through so, so much and there’s really nothing more left for her to do,” “Barton told “Access Hollywood.” Let’s be real, after Mischa left the show, that was the final nail in the coffin.
In her spare time, she has also joined the ranks of those young celebs that have a penchant for getting arrested. In 2007, Mischa was busted for DUI, possession of marijuana and driving without a valid license.
In another bizarre twist, Mischa went to her dentist because she had a toothache…next thing you know she’s in the psych ward! Mischa says of the incident, “I am terrified of needles and they wanted to pump me full of drugs and I said, “No, absolutely not. I don’t want to be here,” and got into a fight with the nurses, and that led to my 5150.”
After giving it her all, Mischa hasn’t maintained the fame she earned from the “The O.C.” She has starred in various movies and is currently filming a movie for Lifetime…we all know that means.
Mischa – Look at the beautiful men that flocked around you when you had your life together. Get. It. Together. Maybe you’ll get an O.C. reunion out of the deal.
With another birthday on the horizon, it has occurred to me that my membership into the cougar club is rapidly approaching. For those that don’t know, a cougar is basically an older woman dating/hooking up/marrying a much younger man.
With this thought looming on my mind days before the anniversary of my birth, I have decided to highlight those women who have successfully cougared young, virile lads.
Sandra Bullock and Ryan Gosling – 16-year difference
In 2002, a little more than practical magic happened when these two walked on set…get it? America’s Sweetheart and the perfect man starred in “Murder By Numbers.”
Obviously, Bullock and Gosling met while filming and soon after “Murder By Numbers” was wrapped the pair went public. This beautiful couple continued rendezvousing from 2001 until 2002.
From getting to know Ryan Gosling so well these past few years, you can tell he has an old soul. He also looks to be well versed at taming cougars! Maybe he took a class or something.
While it is said that distance broke these two up, here are my parting words to this duo: friends with benefits? Hey! Just a suggestion.
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher – 15-year difference
I think Demi pissed trillions of teenyboppers off when she took Kelso off the market…who can blame her? Even with the 15-year difference, they seem to be like two peas that live in a very expensive pod.
Meeting at a dinner in NYC and talking all night long, they began dating in May 2003. After two years of courting each other, the couple sealed the deal in a Kabbalah ceremony September 24, 2005.
Alas, even amid rumors of infidelity, these two put up a united front and are totally open about the fact that they have to work on their marriage. One of Ashton’s secret romance skills…Post-Its. Interviewed by Piers Morgan, “The type of romantic is, you go to our house, I have Post-It notes placed in various locations, all with messages of encouragement or love or just thought. Some have been there, I don’t know, seven years,” Demi revealed. “Post-It notes are much cheaper than diamonds,” Kutcher added.
Kudos Demi, you give us hope that we can find a former male model that we can call all our own!
The Cougar to end all Cougars: Cher
You had to see his one coming. Cher has dated some beautiful young men in her time. Let get started:
Tom Cruise – 16-year difference. Yep, these two hooked up and God knows what else they did. Back in the 80s, Tom dated Cher…no big deal, right? In an interview with Good Morning America in 2008, Cher revealed that Tom wasn’t a Scientologist yet. The “Believe” diva described Cruise as “just the most adorable man you can imagine.” Cher, I would follow you into the pits of hell, but I don’t know about that one.
Val Kilmer – 14-year difference. In keeping with our “Top Gun” theme, Cher also melted Val “Iceman” Kilmer ‘s heart as well. In 1983, Kilmer was Cher’s date to the Oscars. Man, the 80s were good to Cher. Sadly, this star couple split up. I wasn’t the only one upset about this; Cher’s son was blue about it too. “I really liked him. He gave me a real Indian scalp that’s like 100-years-old,” said Elijah. I’d be pissed too, dude.
And the winner is…Rob Camilletti – 18-year difference. This is the stuff of great romance. According to a 2000 Salon.com article, “On her 40th birthday, she met and conquered swarthy 22 year-old commoner and Queens ‘bagel boy,’ Rob Camilletti. Some say that was perhaps the closest Cher ever came to True Love.” Along with making a cameo in his gfs video for “I Found Someone,” these two lived in sin for three years. Cher – there is no time like the present…dig your claws into another young gentleman and never. let. go.
Heidi Montag “Blackout”
For my final installment in the “Is this real life” series, I have chosen an infamous reality star turned (total) failed singer…Heidi Montag. While January 11, 2010 may have seemed like an ordinary day to you, it was a big deal in the Montage-Pratt household. Why you ask? Heidi’s compact disc “Superficial” dropped. The name seems more fitting after she got all that plastic surgery, right?
In my research, I have learned some fascinating things about this album:
- “Superficial” took a whopping three years to complete
- Spencer shows us his sweet rap skills on “Body Language.” Unfortunately this jam didn’t make it on to the album…bummer
- It looks like it was all funded by Team Speidi and cost…wait for it…$2 million! Between that and all the crystals Spencer bought, no wonder the couple is broke!
The song I would specifically like to spotlight is titled, “Blackout.” It is said that this song is Heidi’s anthem to her love, Spencer. I had trouble remembering my favises lyrics because I experienced an actual blackout while listening to the song for the first time. I braced myself and tried again.
“I’m over the stories that we’ll never make it/When I think of losing you baby I hate it/Why can’t they see it’s between you and me?”
I feel like this song can compare to a person getting their significant others name tattooed on their arm or some extremely visible spot. To me, this jam is screaming, “we’ll be divorced in three to five years!” Remember J.Lo’s “Dear Ben“…it just ends in a disaster.
Moving on to the music video, you can totally tell Spencer was behind the camera. I’m not kidding…he directed this video. There really is no concept, its just Heidi rolling around on the beach and floating in a pool wearing her bikini. It’s basically a home movie. One part of the song that I would like clarification on is when Heidi states: “Black out the satellite, where should we run to?” Is that satellite connected to the GPS tracker Spencer had planted on Heidi? Just a thought!
I really want you to think before watching this. It will subtract 3 minutes and 29 seconds from your life.