No, I don’t mean Thanksgiving or Hanukkah…I mean the day Britney Spears was born!
Today is Britney’s 32nd birthday and I am so happy that Brit has made it another year. Let’s be real, it was getting a bit dicey back in 2007 : /
Anywho, I’m spending the evening celebrating with my cat. We are getting wild like it’s 2007!
Don’t forget, Britney Jean (Britney’s 8th studio album) is out tomorrow. I will be listening to it from 8:30 am until the early evening. Feel free to check in and get my opinion. Who are we kidding, I’ll probably say it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.
Happy Birthday Brit! I love you.
Deep, deep down, I’ve always had a great disdain for the singing competition show American Idol. The great disdain did not start budding until season 2, when I realized the show was still continuing to search for an American Idol.
For those that do not remember, let’s go back, back to 2002 when American Idol debut on Fox. There was a girl named Kelly from Burleson, Texas who sang her face off for the judges (Randy, Paula and Simon) and really made an impression. Paula was probably in a self-induced coma, but at least Simon and Randy were paying attention.
Anywho, Kelly impressed America so much that she was crowned the winner of American Idol. If you aren’t picking up what I’m dropping, see the News Flash below.
News Flash: They found America’s Idol in season 1 and her name is Kelly Clarkson! Case closed, Idol found, show over.
Well I guess I’m the only one who thought that America needed one Idol. We are currently gearing up for season 13 and this season is equivalent to the beating of a dead horse. Let’s be real, J.Lo is doing it for the money, Harry Connick Jr. has nothing else going on now that Will & Grace is over and Keith Urban just wants to get a look at J.Lo’s backside.
As I said earlier, my great disdain for this show started budding in season 2 and has continued to grow until now. So why did I wait this long to express my feelings? Two words: Biggest Loser.
I took a hard right turn there, didn’t I? I’ll explain. One of the contestants on this season of Biggest Loser is Ruben Studdard. You may remember Ruben from season 2 of American Idol…he actually won. Well, Ruben was booted off Biggest Loser because he was below the red line. Sad, but totally fair.
Next thing you know, the Biggest Loser host made an announcement saying that Jillian Michael’s team cheated by drinking energy drinks and then Ruben magically appears. Now I’m all about Ruben getting on the healthy track, but I think this was totally unfair to the other contestants who did not win American Idol. Yea, I said it.
So this is the spark that reignited my hatred for American Idol. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful every day for Kelly Clarkson and the way she was discovered, but the show is called American Idol and not American Idols. Now that I think about it, this is all Seacrest’s fault.
Ok, rant over. Thank you for listening. I’m ready for the angry fan mail.
There aren’t many topics that make me want to enter a heated debate; but I will argue with anyone on this planet about how Justin Timberlake still loves Britney Spears. Let’s be real, when you wear matching jean outfits in public, that’s eternal love.
If you listen to Justin’s new and old jams, you can clearly hear that he’s not over Britney. I am about to lay out the 5 stages of a breakup and show you in musical form how JT is still coping.
Please note: Some songs may not be in order of release. Everyone deals with grief differently, you know?
1. Denial – What Goes Around…Comes Around was released around the same time that Britney was splitting up with K-Fed. Coincidence, I think not. I put this jam in the denial slot because even though Brit and JT broke up in 2002, he is still in denial about the fact that she cheated on him. Yes, it was a poor choice on her part, but she did apologize.
Justin sings Don’t want to think about it / Don’t want to talk about it / I’m just so sick about it / Can’t believe it’s ending this way. Poor guy.
2. Anger – Ok, we get it…Britney got with another dude, but did you have to find a girl who looks extremely similar to your ex lady for your music video? Ugh, you get this one for free, Timberlake.
3. Bargaining – Cheating was a deal breaker for JT and he has definitely held his ground on that front. I give Brit the blame here, she should’ve picked honesty, then she may not have blown it. Please refer to song in stage 2.
4. Depression – Remember when Justin went on a musical hiatus from 2007 – 2012 to focus on his “acting.” He was actually in a dark room covered in Britney posters while drinking heavily. He wrote a song called Drink You Away where he states “I can’t drink you away.” Neither could Britney, boo.
5. Acceptance – Let’s be real, there is no acceptance where Britney is concerned. That flame will never burn out. Since my brain and heart cannot fathom that idea that Mirrors is about Jessica Biel, I will award Britney the point.
As you can see, I clearly have too much time on my hands. #TeamBritney
Remember when Lady Gaga was your ordinary, run-of-the-mill pop star? Yes, I’m bringing it back to those days when she was rocking leotards and poking faces.
I enjoyed those days. She was what she was…and that was a woman who could sing catchy pop songs. Well, I must have been in quite the heavy blackout because next thing you know Gaga is acting like a spiritual leader of sorts. She even allowed herself to be reborn…take that Jesus.
Don’t get me wrong, I think Gaga does great things as an activist, but the songs on Artpop still seem like just pop songs. I’m not the only one who is thinking this stuff. The reviews for Artpop aren’t exactly kneeling at her alter.
As everyone knows, I do enjoy a damn good pop song and Gaga does deliver in that regard. Case in point: Do What U Want feat. R. Kelly.
Lyrics I would like to comment on:
Lady Gaga: I feel good, I walk alone/But then I trip by myself and I fall/I, I stand up, and then I’m okay
Kari: Is this what inspiration feels like?
Lady Gaga: So do what you want/What you want with my body/Do what you want/Don’t stop, let’s party
Kari: Inappropriate for anyone under 18. For the over 18 crowd, this is a great opening line at the bar or other types of social gatherings.
R. Kelly: Do what I want/Do what I want with your body/Ya we taking these haters and we roughin’ ‘em up/And we laying a cut like we don’t give a fuck
Kari: I never realized until this moment that R. Kelly is the Maya Angelou of our time. Someone call Oprah!
After listening to this song on repeat pretty much all day, I have to say I’m glad Lady Gaga could convince Kells to exit the closet and drop some beats.
The WB was the best television network…ever
Throughout my teenage years and even now in my twenties, I’ve run into numerous situations where I’ve needed guidance. While I, of course, had my mom and friends to consult, there were some scenarios where only Buffy, Joey Potter or Liz Parker could help.
If those names sound familiar, then you were a fan of The WB network…and what a great network it was.
The WB network debuted January 11, 1995, but didn’t start gaining some traction until 1997 – the year of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy brought much success, so much so that the network decided to focus on the teen demographic. Thank God they did, where else would I have learned how to navigate the mean streets of high school?
What I am about to write in this paragraph is so important, it deserves its own paragraph. January 20, 1998 was when The WB debuted a show that is described as the network’s “signature series” and I couldn’t agree more. That series is Dawson’s Creek…obviously…it sure as hell wasn’t 7th Heaven.
Dawson and the gang brought in the network’s highest ratings, with the pilot ranking in 6.8 million viewers and the series finale, which was watched by 7.8 million viewers. Because of the success of Buffy and Dawson’s, The WB introduced us to Roswell, Angel, Felicity, Charmed, Popular, Young Americans and so many more beloved shows.
Below is a promo for network that debuted 13 years ago. It’s filled with so many familiar friends. I almost cried from all the memories that came at me like a wrecking ball…get it?
On a side note, I would like to point out that Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx were both in this promo. Maybe those dating rumors do have some truth to them. Get. It. Katie.
At some point last week, Miley Cyrus release her new album, Bangerz, and Spotify suggested I give it a listen. While Spotify doesn’t always hit the nail on the head, I figured it was my duty as an American to give the album a spin.
Overall, I’m into it. Of course there are some songs I don’t like and don’t understand. For example 4×4, #GETITRIGHT, Love Money Party and My Darlin’. I won’t post these songs, you can Google them. But if you’ve heard them, you know what I’m talking about.
Ok, let’s get down to business. Here are my top 3 Miley Bangerz:
I know, I know, another breakup song. I’m saving up money to speak with a professional about my feelings. Feel free to donate to the cause.
Anywho, Someone Else, sounds like Miley was changing her ways for a gentleman. Ladies, haven’t we all felt this way? Well obviously she slammed on the breaks when she realized that was happening. #StrongerThanYesterday.
Jeez Liam, you must have really pissed Miley off.
This is my favorite banger on the whole album, besides Wrecking Ball of course. And yes, it’s another sad song about being alone. I really do need some type of counseling.
Miley, you did a great job of organizing these tracks. I felt like this album was the evolution of your love story with Liam Hemsworth. I could tell you really had it with his shit by track six. You go girl.
Why do I want to spend the day as Charlize Theron? The better question is…why not?
In case you aren’t familiar with Charlize, I’ll give you a quick bio:
- Charlize was born August 7, 1975 in South Africa.
- Her native language is Afrikaans.
- In 1991, Charlize’s mom shot and killed her father. Charlize’s dad was an alcoholic and attacked both Charlize and her mom. The shooting was seen as self-defense.
- At 16, Charlize won a modeling contract and moved to Italy.
- She trained to be a ballet dancer, but a knee injury halted that dream.
- Charlize turned to acting and apparently she’s pretty good at it – she earned an Academy Award for role in Monster.
The more important question I need to answer is what I would do if I was Charlize for the day. I have thought about this for many moons and now I will explain it to you. When I first wake up and realize I am Charlize, I will stand in the mirror for approximately 12 minutes and make the Blue Steel modeling face. Why? Because I’m Charlize Theron!
Next, I would stand on a balcony and pretend I am Evita. Why? Just because I am Charlize Theron and I can do whatever I want.
Thirdly, I would call Stuart Townsend and try to figure out why these two lovebirds broke up. I mean they spent 9 whole years together and he was there for her when she won her Oscar! I really thought Charlize and Stuart beat the curse
Finally, I would find the nearest runway and act out the Dior J’Adore commercial. Why? Because this is the fiercest God damn commercial I have ever seen.
Charlize – You are a timeless beauty. Continue to kill it. Love, Kari